Pumping A.K.A Milking your boobs

Holden was a formula fed baby, but for the first 7 weeks of his life.. I pumped. 5 times or so a day, for 30 minutes at a time. It was hell.
Time consuming, uncomfortable, and basically fruitless.

I’m not saying that pumping is bad, maybe my boobs are just broken. No matter how much I pumped, the most I ever got was 3 ounces at a time, and by the time Holden was a month or so old.. he was eating that much or more at every bottle, and the more I pumped the less I got.. so I had to give him half a bottle of formula, and half a bottle of boob milk (and only once a day, ALL that work for 3 oz a day if I was lucky by the end). Twice the hassle, twice the mess. Add in the reflux, and you had a screaming child while I was sitting there helpless with my boob being sucked into a pump.. only causing me to become highly frustrated with the whole situation (and I was told crying babies helped the milk flow… not true).

Let me clarify, I used a MANUAL pump. Which basically means I was trying to suck the milk out of my boobs by hand. Even if you get the good brand (which I had, a Medela), they just aren’t as effective as the electric pumps. Add in the fact that they are incredibly messy. The entire time I was pumping, I would try to situate my boob to get the best flow.. the best suction, causing my hard-earned milk to splatter and drip everywhere while make farting sounds. Super embarrassing when your husband is sitting right next to you wondering what the deal is, and why the hell it sounds like your boob is queefing.

To me, electric pumps are terrifying. They reminded me way too much of cow-milkers, especially the double-suction pumps… not to mention the lofty price.. but I suppose if you’re really looking to give your baby breast milk (because we ALL hear that ‘breast is best’), but don’t want a kid nibbling at your nip- it’s the only way to go.
You can be hands free while extracting the good stuff (and MUCH more of it compared to a hand-pump), what more can you ask for?
If you don’t want to BUY an electric pump.. you can always rent a used one from the hospital if they offer it, and you don’t mind using a pump that’s sucked the milk from Lord-knows how many other womens’ ta-tas’
But hey, they’re sterilized!

The moral of the story is,
Extracting boobie-juice with a hand pump is like masturbating with a vibrator sans batteries: Your hand gets tired before you make any progress, leaving everyone tired, frustrated and unfulfilled. Literally.

Posted on October 16, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Time out for politics

I’m not the most educated on politics, but I know what I want in a president and what i do not want.
The coming election is arguably the most important that I will ever see in my lifetime. With the state of the economy, and all of us at risk- we have to sit down and make an informed decision on who we think is the best person to run our country.
We all have differing opinions, and I won’t go into who i’m voting for and who I absolutely loathe- but it makes me sad to see people my age who couldn’t care less about the election.. about the economy, about our country’s future. It’s very very sad.
The most important thing you can do is get involved and vote. Not only vote, but be EDUCATED on who you are voting for. Not based on age or color of skin or party.. but what they will do for this country regardless of who they are.

I am in the ‘middle class’, maybe even ‘lower middle class’, i’m not even sure anymore. Aren’t we all struggling these days? I worry about my family, I worry about my son’s future.. I worry about affording groceries and gas.
Everything going on worries me.. Who wins the election is worrisome to me. Even if who I support wins, can the economy REALLY be turned around in 4 years?
We’re so far in the hole because of bad decisions made by the minority that it’s screwed us all.

I get heated up watching the debates, so frustrated at the mudslinging and lying. GET TO THE FACTS. We don’t care if you don’t like eachother, we want to know the truth: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR US?
Right now it isn’t what we can do for our country, it’s how is our country going to turn things around before it goes belly up?

My next entry will be back to the norm.. like baby poop, always a good subject to go to when all else fails.

Posted on October 15, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Mystery Solved

There are billions of things your pediatrician never tells you to look out for. I suppose it’s because there is such a multitude of things your kid can catch, if they sat down and wrote out a list we’d constantly be freaking out and never leave the house.

After 4 days with a fever of around 102 and being a complete psycho (whiny, crying, screaming, etc etc)- Holden woke up looking like this:

It’s not leprosy, it’s not chicken pox, it’s not heat rash. It’s something wonderfully fabulous called Roseola. (Note: There are two pictures i’ve been waiting on to be sent from my cellphone that show the rash much better… but AT&T is a whore, and they haven’t shown up in my e-mail, so I guess they’ll have to wait. UGH!)
Don’t know where it came from, or how he got it- but he got it bad.

The thing I hate the most is when people try to freak me out. Technically, 102 isn’t something to go crapping your pants about. Yes, it’s high.. but if you take your kid to the ER they’ll only give you ibuprofen and send you home. Unless your kid is around 105, they probably won’t admit them.. another thing your pediatrician probably didn’t tell you. They LOVE to tell you to rush to the ER, they don’t ever tell you that the ER doctors can’t help you.
That’s the thing about Roseola. You freak out for days on end, wondering WHY your baby has a temperature, why they aren’t acting like themselves… wondering what you can do to help and when it will go away.. and then they wake up with no fever and a rash that covers their face, neck and torso.
According to everything i’ve read, in a few days the rash will be gone and he should be fine.
By the time you figure out that your child HAS roseola, it’s on its way out of their system. It hits you like a freight train, and leaves behind a lovely little rash to remember it by.
We’re on day #2 of the rash, it seems less BRIGHT, but more spread out and speckled if that makes sense.

The whole thing baffles me. I’d HEARD of it before.. but since i’d never known anyone to get it I hadn’t even thought twice about it.
I felt bad for dosing Holden with tylenol, but now I know it’s really all I could have done (although, these days doctors don’t want you giving your kids ANY medication… yeah freakin’ right! and risk my sanity and let my kid feel like shit? i’ll pass).

So it’s now a waiting game. My kid gets to look like a pizza faced teenager for a few more days and then be back to his wonderfully handsome self. I personally can’t wait… because this mutant pod baby that’s taken over his body for the past week has GOT TO GO before I sell him to the gypsies.

Posted on October 14, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment

Poop or get off the pot: Potty Training for beginners

I’ve found myself dancing around the subject of potty training. As much as i’d like Holden out of diapers, the stories i’ve heard about how hard it is to train boys has freaked me out so bad that I don’t even want to think about it.
I’d always thought that I was supposed to wait until Holden was “ready” to potty train- but the more I read, the more I realize that assumption was wrong.
The longer you leave a kid in diapers, the more accustomed they become to sitting in their own waste all day long. Hell, the US national average for age of potty training children is the highest in the WORLD at 3 years old. Infants in other countries as young as 6 months old are already potty trained.. I think we as a country as just.. well.. lazy when it comes to parenting.

I really don’t want to be a lazy parent, as lazy as I might be.

When it comes to ‘early’ potty training.. you’re supposed to get your kid a mini-shitter at 6 months old. I’m way behind the curve there, that’s for sure. Then again, Holden isn’t walking.. so i’d have to drag his stubborn ass to the toilet and plop him on- and as I learned today, he DEFINITELY does not appreciate that (he screamed both times on the ‘big person potty’). Not to mention that I have NO idea when he pisses during the day (yeah, you’re supposed to ‘know that by now’ as well). Pooping, I know.. because he makes it very obvious, but by the time I got him pantless, diaperless, and on the pot- poop would be everywhere. Doesn’t sound like a very effective way to go about things.
So.. i’m going to have to resort to taking Holden to the potty (once I buy one, and did you know that they make MINI URINALS now?? craziness) every 30 minutes and plopping his butt down.. just to see if he goes. Every 30 minutes! Sounds like FUN TIMES are ahead for me.

A part of me just doesn’t understand the appeal of diapers to a child. Why it’s so hard to break them of the habit of crapping their pants. Sure, it’s the easy way out- but who wants to sit in poop all day and give yourself a crazy rash between your cheeks? I guess that same part of me doesn’t understand how women can use pads- or as I call them- bloody diapers. No offense to those who use them.. and maybe i’m making a crazy correlation, but could it be that those little girls who weren’t potty trained early.. are those who would rather use pads than tampons?
Something to think about.

Posted on October 13, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments

Pregnancy Cravings are all in your head

Have a hankering for a pickle & banana ice cream sundae? How about 5 bars of chocolate and a bag of chips?
By the time we get pregnant, we’ve heard so much about the ‘crazy cravings’ that come along with pregnancy that we start to believe them. We also hear that we’re ‘eating for two now’, so suddenly our brain tricks us into thinking that we need to stuff our faces with the most unhealthy crap imaginable, topped with things a normal person would never eat as a combination.

When I was pregnant, there were times i’d get a serious ‘need’ for a McDonald’s milkshake.. but never the weird crap that had been embedded into my brain my entire life.

I don’t know who started the cruel rumor.. perhaps someone who enjoyed seeing pregnant women balloon up in size (faster than the baby would make you grow on its own) under the false assumption that you’re SUPPOSED to get fat when you’re pregnant.. but there’s no such thing. Seriously, there’s not.

it’s all mind over matter.. to me anyways. I also don’t believe in addiction.. so what works for my brain might not work for yours.

What i’m trying to say is: the next time you happen to get pregnant and you suddenly decide you absolutely HAVE to have buttered popcorn.. but not just ANY buttered popcorn- movie theatre kind.. from the movie theatre- and start yelling at your significant other to immediately stop what he’s doing and go and get it for you… take a minute to think about it.. decide you don’t want to look like a hippopotamus AFTER you give birth, and eat a freaking apple instead.

I know we’d all like to use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever we want, whenever we want in the largest quantity we can stomach- but trust me, you don’t want to do that. Baby fat is hard enough to lose without tacking on 20 extra pounds because we can’t control our “cravings.”

Stuffing your face is only fun until you walk into your OBGYN, step on the scale, and realize you’ve gained 10 lbs in a month (happened to me).. and your Doc looks at you and says “STOP EATING SO MUCH!!”
Save yourself the embarrassment, and the thunder thighs.

Posted on October 12, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments