Have a hankering for a pickle & banana ice cream sundae? How about 5 bars of chocolate and a bag of chips?
By the time we get pregnant, we’ve heard so much about the ‘crazy cravings’ that come along with pregnancy that we start to believe them. We also hear that we’re ‘eating for two now’, so suddenly our brain tricks us into thinking that we need to stuff our faces with the most unhealthy crap imaginable, topped with things a normal person would never eat as a combination.
When I was pregnant, there were times i’d get a serious ‘need’ for a McDonald’s milkshake.. but never the weird crap that had been embedded into my brain my entire life.
I don’t know who started the cruel rumor.. perhaps someone who enjoyed seeing pregnant women balloon up in size (faster than the baby would make you grow on its own) under the false assumption that you’re SUPPOSED to get fat when you’re pregnant.. but there’s no such thing. Seriously, there’s not.
it’s all mind over matter.. to me anyways. I also don’t believe in addiction.. so what works for my brain might not work for yours.
What i’m trying to say is: the next time you happen to get pregnant and you suddenly decide you absolutely HAVE to have buttered popcorn.. but not just ANY buttered popcorn- movie theatre kind.. from the movie theatre- and start yelling at your significant other to immediately stop what he’s doing and go and get it for you… take a minute to think about it.. decide you don’t want to look like a hippopotamus AFTER you give birth, and eat a freaking apple instead.
I know we’d all like to use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever we want, whenever we want in the largest quantity we can stomach- but trust me, you don’t want to do that. Baby fat is hard enough to lose without tacking on 20 extra pounds because we can’t control our “cravings.”
Stuffing your face is only fun until you walk into your OBGYN, step on the scale, and realize you’ve gained 10 lbs in a month (happened to me).. and your Doc looks at you and says “STOP EATING SO MUCH!!”
Save yourself the embarrassment, and the thunder thighs.
You’ve all heard the rumors, those of you who haven’t had children probably believe them. That giving birth will stretch you out like an old rubber band... or so the urban legend would like you to believe.
Now, I can’t speak for women who have had 10+ children… but I can speak for myself and friends i’ve spoken to about this subject and it just isn’t true!
Most of us are not lucky enough not to tear, or not to have the unfortunate experience of an episiotomy (getting snipped to make it easier for the baby to come out.. in my case, twice).. and while it’s a VERY painful recovery process to have either of those things happen- in my opinion it might be for the best.
Unless your OB absolutely hates you, they’ll stitch you up tighter than a virgin (seriously). That, and add the fact that any sane person will wait at least 6 weeks to have sex after giving birth due to pain- and it gives your nether-region a LONG time to heal.. and essentially.. ‘snap back.’
The way I see it, a vagina is like a piercing hole. If you put an earring in, and leave it in, of course it will stretch to allow the post to comfortably stay there. Take the earring out for a prolonged period of time.. and it will go back to the way it was before.
Obviously, a baby doesn’t stay in your birth canal long enough to get your snatch used to the feeling of being stretched to it’s outer limits, so saying that you’ll be loose after having a child doesn’t really make a lot of sense when you think about it logically.
Now, when you make sticking/expelling large objects in/from your hoo-ha a hobby it might be a totally different story..
but a child or two? maybe even three? Not going to give you a gaping hole where your vagina used to be.
So tell your significant other/friends to shut up- the rumors aren’t true!
Now, the rumor about post-baby sex hurting worse than losing your virginity? That I can confirm.
When you’re young and happen to get knocked up, hundreds of people will tell you that “your body will snap right back!”
Yeah, don’t believe the hype.
It might be true for 17 year olds with ridiculously high metabolisms… but when you’re 24.. the truth is that.. well.. it ain’t.
Let me clarify, the WEIGHT itself was not so hard to get rid of. I lost 20 lbs in the first week, 10 in another month, and 10 over the months following just from eating healthy alone (I gained around 45 altogether). The hips and pooch.. not so easy.
I was already pretty hippy for being a small girl (5’9″, 120 before getting preggo), I didn’t need the BIRTHING HIPS, seriously.. take them back.
The part the bothers me the most is the pooch. The area on your lower stomach that just kinda.. hangs out. Says hello to you in the mornings.. swells up when you eat anything salty and gives you the ‘food baby’ as I lovingly refer to it.
The mommy pooch can go straight to hell.
Stretchmarks I can deal with.. though I didn’t get many- I could chalk up the ones I have to being battle-scars (although I might change my mind if I were covered in them and looked like a freaking zebra).
This pooch business is a pain in my ass…. well, not literally- but you get the point.
Anyways, the line about ‘snapping back’ is B.S., because your stomach does NOT go right back to being flat if you had a flat stomach to begin with. it takes work.
I’ve been dieting for.. well.. Holden’s entire life. Working out? not my favorite thing to do but I realized it would be necessary if I didn’t want to permanently look bloated. Necessary evil I suppose. I feel good FOR working out, knowing I did something to benefit my health and figure.. but I never get satisfaction from the FEELING of working out. I feel sweaty and gross.. and i’m a fan of instant gratification and working out doesn’t give that to me (DAMNIT!)
Pardon the jumping around, i’ve been drinking (don’t make that face, only on the weekends after Holden has gone to sleep, and DAMN, after the past 2 days I needed a stiff drink.. or 3)
So.. has my work paid off? I’m not really sure. 17 weeks of working out 5 days a week, mainly concentrating on the tummy area and i’d hoped i’d see a bigger difference- but I suppose I have to consider the fact that I didn’t have much to lose in the first place.. and toning is much harder than just burning excess amounts of fat.
Let me show you what i’m working with here:
16 weeks of working out
there’s a definite difference. I’ve lost almost 3 inches in my natural waist alone, and to most of you, you’re thinking “WTF, you look tiny, STFU”… but somehow, as small as I am.. i’m still 2 sizes larger than my pre-pregnancy size. I don’t know how it’s possible, but it is. Hell, I even weigh well over 5 lbs less than I did post-pregnancy. It’s baffling, really.. and very frustrating.
So in conclusion, the whole ‘snapping back’ thing… it’s kinda true, but with a LOT (and I mean a WHOLE lot) of exceptions.
Today was another day where I questioned how good of a mother I actually am.
I do not claim to have the patience of a saint.. hell, my patience has been ridiculously thin for a LONG time now.
Having a child who screams all day long, whether playing or eating… is wearing it even thinner.
I don’t know what’s wrong with Holden, but I know it needs to stop. NOW.
I feel bad for him because it’s so obvious that he’s completely miserable, he doesn’t have the spark in his eye that he normally does.. he isn’t laughing or smiling nearly as much..
and I feel bad for my head because it’s pounding from him screaming in my ear all day long.
Today was another day where I felt VERY close to snapping. I just wanted to get up, and walk out the door and clear my head- but I know I can’t do that because Holden deserves better.. and I know he isn’t screaming just to be a brat- but because he’s feeling like total crap.
Still, in the heat of the moment, I find myself white-knuckling.
I try to stay calm, but i’m not perfect. I’m human.. and what human wouldn’t get irritated with someone screaming and yelling for hours on end?
Consider me one of the lucky ones. Holden managed to go over a year without getting sick (although, the intense reflux he experienced I think gave me a pass for most sicknesses for the first year).. that is, until now.
For the past week (maybe less) his nose has been SUPER runny. I attributed that to teething.. as he is cutting 6 teeth, but I was very very wrong.
Fast forward to 6am this morning, and he woke up screaming bloody murder. Thomas brings him into our bed and his skin is literally burning up. You can’t even touch him without sweating.
We take his temperature: 102
Of course, at that moment, I crapped my pants. I noticed his heart was racing as well, cue a little bit of pee as well.
We gave him motrin and it seemed to bring the fever down.. he played pretty happily most of the day but wasn’t wetting diapers as much as he should have been.
If you have a kid, you know you can’t FORCE water down their throat.
Holden isn’t a super cuddly baby.. but for the last hour of his playtime before his 5pm nap all he wanted to do was sit in my lap and watch TV with me… and make me sweat because his skin was burning up again. If I put him down, he screamed until I picked him up again.
When Thomas got home at 6, we took Holden’s temp. again, 101.4
Awesome, so it’s not really getting any better.
Right before bed, still almost 102.
The shitty thing about babies running a fever is that there isn’t a whole lot you can do for them. Most pediatricians will tell you not to give the kid medicine. WHAT?! so you want THEM to suffer, AND the parents to suffer? Sorry doc, we all need sleep in this house.
I’m just hoping this fever is the end of the sickness. I hate seeing my baby suffer.. and on the selfish side- I hate the whining.
Did you know that toothpaste becomes stronger than concrete if left on surfaces for too long? I didn't either. Thanks, kids!
Y'all can keep your creepy little elves- my kids live in fear of the PRESENT PRISON. holdinholden.com/2014/12/the-…
Cut Yourself some Christmas Slack goo.gl/fb/4WVJe2
My day as a parent isn't complete until I've threatened to sell at least one of my children on the black market. Twice. At least.
He only has himself to blame pic.twitter.com/UffL59jSmz
I'm forever teaching my kids to never say never... but... I'm breaking my own rules, here. NEVER EVER EVER will there be an elf on my shelf. Here's why: holdinholden.com/2012/11/why-…
If you have the desire to be in charge of someone else's bedtime who listens to you even less than you listen to yourself when you say "GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!"- having kids is definitely for you.