Another one of ‘those days’

Today was another day where I questioned how good of a mother I actually am.

I do not claim to have the patience of a saint.. hell, my patience has been ridiculously thin for a LONG time now.
Having a child who screams all day long, whether playing or eating… is wearing it even thinner.

I don’t know what’s wrong with Holden, but I know it needs to stop. NOW.
I feel bad for him because it’s so obvious that he’s completely miserable, he doesn’t have the spark in his eye that he normally does.. he isn’t laughing or smiling nearly as much..
and I feel bad for my head because it’s pounding from him screaming in my ear all day long.

Today was another day where I felt VERY close to snapping. I just wanted to get up, and walk out the door and clear my head- but I know I can’t do that because Holden deserves better.. and I know he isn’t screaming just to be a brat- but because he’s feeling like total crap.
Still, in the heat of the moment, I find myself white-knuckling.

I try to stay calm, but i’m not perfect. I’m human.. and what human wouldn’t get irritated with someone screaming and yelling for hours on end?

Posted on October 10, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Sick baby

Consider me one of the lucky ones. Holden managed to go over a year without getting sick (although, the intense reflux he experienced I think gave me a pass for most sicknesses for the first year).. that is, until now.

For the past week (maybe less) his nose has been SUPER runny. I attributed that to teething.. as he is cutting 6 teeth, but I was very very wrong.

Fast forward to 6am this morning, and he woke up screaming bloody murder. Thomas brings him into our bed and his skin is literally burning up. You can’t even touch him without sweating.
We take his temperature: 102
Of course, at that moment, I crapped my pants. I noticed his heart was racing as well, cue a little bit of pee as well.

We gave him motrin and it seemed to bring the fever down.. he played pretty happily most of the day but wasn’t wetting diapers as much as he should have been.
If you have a kid, you know you can’t FORCE water down their throat.

Holden isn’t a super cuddly baby.. but for the last hour of his playtime before his 5pm nap all he wanted to do was sit in my lap and watch TV with me… and make me sweat because his skin was burning up again. If I put him down, he screamed until I picked him up again.

When Thomas got home at 6, we took Holden’s temp. again, 101.4
Awesome, so it’s not really getting any better.

Right before bed, still almost 102.

The shitty thing about babies running a fever is that there isn’t a whole lot you can do for them. Most pediatricians will tell you not to give the kid medicine. WHAT?! so you want THEM to suffer, AND the parents to suffer? Sorry doc, we all need sleep in this house.
I’m just hoping this fever is the end of the sickness. I hate seeing my baby suffer.. and on the selfish side- I hate the whining.

Posted on October 9, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Terms of Endearment.. A.K.A The Censor Button

Out of all of my friends, I was the first to pop out a baby. I’m a little older.. but in this area age means nothing when it comes to bearing a child. I’m already getting off topic.. ANYWAYS

More and more, people are getting knocked up and popping out little ones all over the place (most I do not approve of, but whatever).
As this happens, I hear one line more and more:
“You are the only one who doesn’t sugar coat motherhood”

I suppose all these other girls are running around saying how fabulous and fantastic and picture perfect motherhood is. That they have ZERO complaints, couldn’t be happier- life is all rainbows and butterflies.
Uh-huh.. and I poop rainbow sherbet.

When I talk about motherhood, I leave nothing out. I don’t try and pretend that EVERY day is fantastic because let’s face it- it’s not.
yes, children are beautiful fantastic blessings.. but that doesn’t mean they aren’t frustrating balls of brattiness some days (if not most days). Anyone who tells you that their child isn’t frustrating and/or irritating is a huge liar.
Maybe it would make them feel guilty for saying their kid is annoying? Who knows. I don’t feel bad for one second for telling people that Holden can be the biggest turd on the face of the earth.
Why? because it’s the truth. He’s a one year old, it’s his JOB to be evil and bratty and whiny.

Now I don’t wonder why people go into parenthood thinking it’s going to be a piece of cake- because everyone they’ve spoken to about it sugar-coated it sooo thick that they think it’s going to be the easiest thing EVER.
HAH, good luck with that notion.

I’m sure some people probably think i’m a terrible mother for speaking so openly about my child.. and to them I say: KISS MY ASS!
I could care less about what people think of my parenting skills. My kid is going to be intelligent, well adjusted and won’t put up with any B.S.

There is nothing wrong with being honest. Look at all the teen mothers- some of them could have USED some honesty, don’t you think??

Posted on October 9, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Teething- seemingly never ending hell

Before I got pregnant, I literally had no idea about anything having to do with children.
I knew babies got teeth… I didn’t know that it was such a pain in the… er… mouth.

From what I keep hearing, it’s like getting a root-canal without general anesthesia. FUN!!!

Holden got his first two teeth before he was even 5 months old.
As of now, he’s working on teeth #s 9-14. You can imagine how SUPER EXCITED I am about that.

The worst part is, they always look like they’re about to cut but just won’t finish the job.
It’s causing incredibly restless nights for all 3 of us, no matter what we use (and we’re using a lot.. orajel, motrin, and cold medicine since it seems as though his nose is a leaky faucet this week).

None of the mommy remedies seem to work for us. Holden doesn’t appreciate ice being shoved in his mouth.. he hates the taste or orajel (but likes the feeling, of course! Who doesn’t love instant gratification?).. He’s of course chewing everything (including my shoulder. Not cool) but not getting any relief.

Back when he got his first few teeth and we thought THAT was the worst of it (boy were we wrong) our pediatrician had told us to ‘stay away from orajel.’ Did she want to see us suffer??
Instead, we followed a trail of advice to get this teething giraffe from France named ‘Sophie’
He chewed that thing from dawn til’ dusk.
Now, Sophie is sort of an after-thought. Holden likes to toss her around and occasionally beat me in the head with her, but she isn’t his go-to for teething relief.

I miss the days where Sophie saved my sanity.
For now, i’m brutally rebuffing the pediatrician and using orajel.
Orajel is my friend… so is Motrin… and Triamenic.

Posted on October 8, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment

Holdin’ Holden

It’s hard to believe my little boy is already over a year old. I don’t know where the time went.. and most days I feel as if I should have cherished each one a little bit more.
It’s hard to think about all of those things as the days pays, and are filled with crying, laughing, screaming, spit-up, poop and pee.. cleaning and worrying and most of all: loving.

Holden is 1 year and 3 weeks old. Every day he gets smarter, more handsome and of course more stubborn.

Posted on October 7, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment