Let’s rewind to a few years ago- before even THINKING about becoming pregnant. You could say I was kind of a pushover. Ok, a total pushover. I hated confrontation, disagreements, arguing- the whole shebang. I went out of my way to completely avoid it altogether and in the process, people decided it was easy to walk all over me and unfortunately for the most part I allowed it. I’ve never been a big fan of drama, although i’ll admit that I love gossiping like an evil high school bitch.
Now that I have a child who is in need of basically constant attention and a lot of coddling- I have zero tolerance for BS from other people. It just isn’t there. Things I would put up with before just don’t fly with me. Rumors, drama.. just people being downright immature and ridiculous. Don’t bring that crap to me, you’ll get answers you don’t want to hear!
I sort of feel like i’ve becoming the ‘nagging mom’- only not to my own kid, but to everyone else.
Allow me to stand back and wag my finger at you and tell you that you “just shouldn’t be doing that, it’s time to grow up!”.. maybe throw in a ‘little missy’ for good measure. I am one of the oldest out of my friends, and the first in my ‘inner-circle’ to get married and have a kid.. not to mention that most of my friends have the “Peter Pan Complex” and just don’t want to grow up- so that makes me the old lady of the group at 24 years old.
I just have no patience to coddle people. I’ve always been honest, just not as upfront and blunt as I am now and i’ve found that a lot of people just can’t handle me telling them that their deadbeat boyfriend is a piece of crap and they deserve better (who knew?!)
Most of my friends have learned not to come to me for advice unless they REALLY want the truth, and not glossed-over BS that’s going to make them feel better even though it isn’t even remotely what I really think.
It’s definitely made my life more peaceful, that’s for sure. Sometimes I miss the glory days of all the girls in the bathroom, one obviously crying and black eyeliner streaming down her face… but then I remember how stressful and annoying it was and how much trouble I got myself into, and I know that i’d rather deal with a screaming child ANY day. At least he doesn’t talk back (yet).
On a sidenote- Holden tinkled a little in the potty today, YAY! And by a little.. we’re talking 5 drops at most. It’s progress though!
Long ago are the days where Holden would freak out if anyone he didn’t know extremely well got in his face.
I actually kind of miss those days (only kind of), because it kept creepy strangers away from him. Well.. actually..come to think of it- not really.
For some reason, complete strangers think it’s totally okay to get in your baby’s face and goo-goo and ga-ga and even touch them. Even when Holden would crumple his face and stick his bottom lip out- he’d get an “awwww” instead of “ok, I better go away now.”
The weirdest thing is holding your baby over your shoulder and suddenly hearing “GEEE GEE GOOO GOOO BOOO BOOOOO AWWWW WITTLE BAAAABBYYYY!” coming from behind you, and realizing it’s a 90 year old woman trying to coax a smile out of your horrified crotch-blossom.
Holden went through stranger anxiety pretty early. From about 1 month-4 months old, he couldn’t stand ANYONE but Thomas and I, and on occasion my brother. Anyone who even looked at him would get screamed at. Even the SIGHT of another baby would send him into a full meltdown. The only acception was going to eat at Chinese restaurants. Holden was in pure heaven. He would smile and coo and we’d hear “what a big baby!”
I get the sneaking suspicion that Holden will end up dating only women of Asian descent.
He has now turned a whole new leaf- he seems to love everyone. His favorites are incredibly old hunchbacked women, anyone who happens to be Asian, and girls around 5 years of age (he’s like his Daddy, likes older women I guess). I can’t count the number of times he’s flirted with an old lady and she’s said to him “you wanna come home with me??”- he may not fear strangers, but I sure do. He even reaches out trying to grab random people as they walk by- as if to say “TAKE ME! MOMMY WON’T LET ME EAT LINT!”
I’m sure in a few months he’ll be absolutely terrified of everyone but Mommy and Daddy again. I know I was ridiculously shy… well.. until my late teens, the worst when I was under 10. While I hope Holden doesn’t have social anxiety like I did, I do hope he grows out of wanting to go to everyone under the sun. His lack of stranger anxiety makes mine that much higher. I don’t need to get any crazier, i’ve filled my quota!
One reason I really miss being pregnant: no period. I have almost always had incredibly BAD cramps. I consider myself to have a pretty decent pain tolerance, and some months I would double over in pain due to my ovaries wanting to burst.. but nothing, and I mean NOTHING compares to post-pregnancy period cramps.
It literally feels like someone taking their hand, shoving it into my uterus and squeezing as hard as humanly possible.
My cycle is so whacked out (always has been, again, even more-so since giving birth) that I never have any idea when my period is even going to come, so it was an unpleasant feeling to wake up this morning and immediately want to curl up into a ball and die.
Of course, I also happen to be fresh out of midol.. and we all know tylenol doesn’t do a damn thing to help- so I knew i’d be miserable all day. If the weather had been better, i’d have made a run to the store to get some.. but running out in the rain with a heavy baby and bad cramps didn’t appeal to me at all.
I also made a very bad decision to work out despite the pain my stomach was in, only because I knew i’d be guilty later if I didn’t… i’d rather have the guilt. Doing reps of over 5 kinds of crunches when it already feels like your lady-parts are in a vice grip? Not smart. I should have done what any other respectable woman does on her period- eat chocolate. Sure, my stomach might be upset and i’d poop it out a few minutes later (I won’t even go into period poops), but at least I wouldn’t have intesified my cramps ten-fold.
I would have liked to just slept the day away- that obviously isn’t an option with a 1 year old running around tearing the living room to pieces… so I did the only thing I could do: Turned on Spongebob.
Did I feel bad about rotting my kids brain? Yeah kind of… but I didn’t think I had any other option. I had zero energy to try and entertain him while listening to 80’s music and I knew Spongebob would preoccupy him (he loves that weird yellow bastard). Surprisingly, he didn’t stare at the screen for as long as I thought he would.. but he did constantly make pit-stops while running around to stare blankly for minutes at a time.
By 6 o’clock in the evening, I was feeling so sick I thought I might actually throw up- so Thomas getting home was an absolute Godsend (Holden was also screaming because I wouldn’t give him my sweet tea). He took Holden to the store and I dozed off on the couch.. only to be awoken to Holden trying to tear my nosering out of my face. Awesome.
The only positive is that my period is about a day shorter than it used to be (YAY ONE DAY!!!!).. so I know it will be over in a few days and I can go back to chasing Holden around and watching him ‘dance’ to Ah-Ha and Lionel Richie, and falling over because he loses all balance while shaking his head around like he’s special.
Right now I still feel like dying.. and am looking forward to being pregnant again (in a few YEARS) because I won’t have to deal with getting my period for 9 months.
Sure, i’ll have ‘morning’ sickness- that shit is nothing compared to the ovarian-hell of passing a freaking egg through your fallopian tubes. Who knew something microscopic could cause so much pain?
I don’t go casually throwing out random advice on a regular basis, because I know how much I hated receiving it.. but if there’s one thing I wish I was told when Holden was born- it would be to ROTATE YOUR KIDS HEAD.
That reads really funny out of context but it will make sense as this post goes on.
Like most vaginally born babies, Holden was born with intense cone head.. I literally could not even look at it- it just freaked me OUT. After a few days, it morphed into the normal super-round perfect baby head shape.
Unbeknownst to me (because I didn’t know to look for it), Holden was constantly sleeping on one side of his head. The more he slept there, the more he got comfortable ONLY sleeping with his head turned one way.. and soon… a flat spot wore onto the back side of his head.
Once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop noticing it and it became a source of incredibly paranoia and stress to me.
I did what I always do in a state of baby-panic, I googled! …And asked girls on the mommy-board I post on. The more I saw and read, the more differeing opinions I got. Some people told me it would absolutely correct on its own, and others said it absolutely would NOT- and that he needed a corrective helmet.
If you’ve read the Jenny McCarthy book, then you know exactly what i’m talking about because her son had to have a corrective helmet (his was also much more severe).
I started looking at websites with pictures of children with incredibly flattened heads to the point where their eyes became misaligned and their forheads protruded and freaked myself out to the point of tears. Thoughts of “The Elephant Man” came to mind- and people asking Holden to take off his mask.. only.. he isn’t wearing a mask!
Of course, at Holden’s next pediatrician appointment I asked what I could do.. if it was bad enough to need a helmet, and she did her best to calm me down. She said it wasn’t bad at all and she’d seen so much worse, and just to ‘rotate his head’ while he was sleeping to make sure he wasn’t constantly on that spot since he couldn’t sit up on his own yet. I wasn’t sure what to believe, since some pediatricians just never suggest corrective helmets for children at all.. but I went with it, being that I like our pediatrician and value her opinion- and because I was pretty damn sure our insurance would never cover a $1600 corrective foam helmet for Holden… and because the thought of my kid wearing a helmet for however many weeks was absolutely horrifying to me.
For MONTHS, any time Holden was sleeping i’d move his head off of the flat spot. I’d creep into his room at night and move his head.. if I heard him stir i’d go back in to check and make sure he hadn’t rolled back onto it. It became a complete obsession. For good reason, but I think I really hyped it up in my mind. It was all I saw when I looked at him, I think at one point it was all I talked about. Who doesn’t want their kid to be ‘perfect’?
I noticed it getting better little by little, but still nowhere near what a ‘perfect round head’ should look like.. and then I stopped and thought
“Well.. i’ve never looked at an adult and thought ‘damn that guys head is flat!'” and i’m positive there are many adults out there with the same shape head as Holden (ahem.. Thomas), the same shape head I was completely freaking out about. I’m sure if I shaved my head, it wouldn’t be perfectly round.. ’cause I seriously don’t think my Mom was putting much thought into it.. she was probably too busy coiffing her huge curly 80’s do.
No, this didn’t stop the paranoia, and I still continued rotating his head in his sleep (it became an art.. how to turn a baby head without waking him) until he became mobile. If I had to do it all over again.. i’d have rotated his head sooner to make sure he didn’t wear a freaking flat spot into his skull in the first place (as creepy as it is, it’s literally like wearing an ass spot into your couch), and had the same thing happened- i’d be rotating the same way I did.
Is his head ‘perfect’ now? No. What is a perfect head anyways?
It’s definitely much better.. enough for me to not be stressing out over it anymore. It could just be that he has poofy hair to hide it, out of sight out of mind, right?
I still glance at it and am sad that I didn’t stop it before it started- maybe if I did my Dad wouldn’t be calling him (in different words) a “fat head.”
Who needs help with substance abuse, and I mean serious help- the best thing you can do is refer them to drug rehab centers.
And not all are the best. I’ve heard of so many claiming miracle work, and when people are released they go right back to how they were.
Check out Promises Rehab Center, get your friends and loved ones the help they deserve.
Addiction runs rampant in my family, a few members of my family died far too young from overdosing on drugs. Don’t let it get that far with yours. It may not seem like your place to step in, but if you don’t- no one else might either.
Person on tv: Age is just a number! 10yo: Yeah, a number that pulls you closer to death.
Party animal over here pic.twitter.com/OVpKPuu4Yc
Proving to my kids that they ARE Friends goo.gl/fb/QbSSNp
Writing my next book Me: My period inspired a whole new chapter! Husband: Your lack of period inspired a whole book... Me: pic.twitter.com/fpNHwnYeAF
The card my kid made me at school. I truly don't know why I expected anything different 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/T7nai0ycqS
Valentine's Day before 4pm and I'm already putting on pajamas because my uterus is bloated to the size of a Buick and erupting like Mount Vesuvius so I guess you could say I'm feeling PRETTY romantic.