Get counseling, not divorced!

More and more people these days give up on their marriage because it isn’t “perfect” without really trying to fix the underlying problems. If marriage was easy, it wouldn’t be so great. It’s important to remember that it takes work to maintain a healthy open relationship.
The National Institute of Marriage wants people to start asking questions and getting involved in making their relationship a stable one before just throwing in the towel and getting divorced. The national divorce rate today is 50%!
I myself have watched people get married, only to get divorced under 6 months later. They didn’t try counseling to make things better, they just gave up before their marriage ever had a chance.

Marriage is nothing to take lightly, this is you and your partners life and your future together. If you have problems- try to work them out. You CAN have a happy marriage. If counseling doesn’t work- no one can say you didn’t give it your all.

Here is the National Institute of Marriage’s press release, it explains things better than I can!

“With the national divorce rate around 50%, there is no doubt that many marriages run into communication problems at some point. There is a communication epidemic. The National Institute of Marriage has created marriage counseling programs and resources utilizing a structure that is the most powerful format they have found for helping couples who feel stuck and hopeless. They have designed several programs to help couples move past the barriers and experience the marriage of their dreams.
NIM’s Intensive Marriage Counseling Programs are unique from weekly marriage counseling in three distinctive ways:

· Intensive Marriage Counseling Format: Committing to an extended amount of concentrated time like the 2 or 4 day Marriage Intensive allows people to get to the root of the problem and stick with it in order to work through it. If you’ve been in traditional marriage counseling before, you may have experienced how you spend the first half catching up from the week before, the second half getting into the real issues, and then the time is gone. The Intensive format is designed so that people have the chance to go deeper without many of the other distractions of daily life and have enough discuss to consider solutions.

· Efficiency: One of the first steps in the process is an extensive assessment with some questionnaires. This allows the therapists to gather background information and can get an idea of the best strategy to proceed before you arrive for your session.

· Marriage Counselors: The counselors at the National Institute of Marriage are specialists in this area. One analogy we like to use is that of the Mayo Clinic: people go to their regular physician but may be sent to a specialist to work with specific areas. The NIM marriage therapists have been trained in this format to maximize its effectiveness. Also, the NIM marriage counseling programs provide the perspectives and insight of two professionals rather than one.
If you are considering divorce, you must try the National Institute of Marriage before giving up. They have developed a continuum of care that meets couples wherever they may be in their relationship. Regardless of the health of their marriage they have a service that can help couples improve their marital satisfaction. Visit their website at http://www.nationalmarriage.com. Read the incredible testimonies from the couples that saved their marriages by attending a Marriage Intensive at the National Institute of Marriage.”

Do it for yourself, do it for your spouse.

Posted on November 19, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment

Baby Olympics

There is really only one reason why i’d avoid hanging out with other moms, and that is the awful game of baby comparing… or ‘one-upping.’
(my friend wrote a blog on this a while back, I thought i’d expand.. plus it’s urking my nerves as I write this so it’s fresh in my mind!)

Whenever you get a group of moms together, regardless of the child’s age.. there will always be at least one mom who feels the need to compare her child to yours. And not only compare- but brag and exaggerate about their child’s abilities while making you feel like your kid is a useless lump of flesh drooling in the corner. And whether you buy into any of it, it’s bound to get under your skin.

I’d like to believe that mothers who choose to compete in the “Baby Olympics” aren’t doing it with malicious intent.. but some women just go above and beyond and get totally ridiculous about it, as though they’re trying to make you feel as though your child just isn’t as smart or talented as theirs. It’s possible they’re just trying to compensate because their child just isn’t all that special.. or they were the dumb kid in school, but it’s most likely just to get attention.

Here are some examples:

  • You’re trying to potty train your child? How old? Oh, 14 months? Well, my kid was potty trained by 6 months!
  • Awww your baby is walking! My one year old competed in a triathlon and won second place!
  • Has your child said his first word yet? By 6 months my baby could recite the periodic table of elements!
  • Is your baby crawling yet? No? Well, my baby is doing cartwheels all over the house!

Of course, all of those are exaggerations.. and if anyone said anything remotely similar to any of those to me i’d have to laugh in their face- but even the tiny little baby boasting urks me. Yes, it’s normal and great to be proud of your child’s accomplishments- sometimes bragging is even ok.. but when you try to shit all over the ‘lesser’ accomplishments of another child is where the line between ‘normal mommy’ and ‘evil twat mommy’ gets crossed.

I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again- all babies progress at different rates. Even reading what milestones your child ‘should’ be reaching at a certain age will drive you bananas because they may not necessarily do things when websites say they should. It’s good to keep track, it’s bad to go crazy over what someone else’s child is doing compared to yours (I would know, i’ve done it, and have to supress the urge constantly). I’ve gotten to the point where I avoid baby comparing at all costs because it’s just so freaking irritating. I will not be e-flexing about Holden in the Baby Olympics against other whacked out mommies any time soon.

You wanna claim your 13 month old is cutting their own steak with a knife and carefully sipping water from a wine glass, all after a long day performing surgery in the OR? Go for it, but all you’re getting from me is an eye-roll, not a pat on the back.

Posted on November 18, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments

Flat Belly Diet

As you know (if you’ve been following this blog), i’ve been ‘fighting the fat’ on my stomach since giving birth to Holden. I’ve tried all kinds of different diets, different kinds of workouts, basically everything I can imagine to try and get rid of stubborn belly-fat.

That is when I came across the Flat Belly Diet.

Developed by the editor of Prevention Magazine, it is a diet that doesn’t require you to kill yourself working out. It is based on eating mono-unsaturated fats at every meal. By following this diet, you could lose up to fifteen pounds of stubborn belly-fat in 32 days.
Sounds easy, right? That’s because it is.

The best part is, right now Prevention Magazine is looking for recruits to try the “Flat Belly Diet” free of charge, and to blog about their experience with it. Eligible participants will receive the “Flatt Belly Diet” book for free, a 1-year subscription to the “Flat Belly Diet” webpage, and exclusive membership to the Success Stories club.
Fbd

So not only do you get a diet that is relatively easy to follow (and allows you to eat dark chocolate), but you get tons of goodies to go along with it.
Give it a shot, i’m checking it out right now.

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Posted on November 18, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Peeps

If you’ve been reading this blog, you should know by now that by “Peep” I don’t mean that brightly colored disgusting ball of marshmallow goop posted above.

That’s right, by “Peep”, I mean PENIS. or more specifically, baby penis. Something I never thought I would have to deal with (since I desperately wanted a little girl), and was not prepared with all that comes along with it.

Once I found out Holden was a boy, immediately I become totally creeped out. Why? The thought of his little baby peep rubbing all over my uterus. Trust me, I know it’s a weird thing to think about, but when you’re pregnant you’re crazy- and you think about crazy things. That is my only explanation for that one.

The decision on circumcision was a no-brainer for Thomas and I (a lot of people relent over it). I have never seen an uncircumcised penis in person, nor do I ever want to.. and I certainly didn’t want to be pulling back foreskin to clean the head all the time- or teaching Holden to do so once he got old enough. I’ll pass on the pig-in-a-blanket thank you!
Did I feel bad about 1 day old Holden getting his peep skin cut off? Sure, no one wants their child to be hurt- but it’s better to do it before they can remember it.

Since I was on bedrest in the hospital, I never saw Holden’s uncircumcised penis.. I never even got the chance to change a diaper until I got home, needless to say I was very squeamish about seeing his pained little peepee in all its’ glory. The only thing the doctors really tell you is to put petroleum jelly on the head to help in healing, make sure their PENIS DOESN’T STICK TO THEIR DIAPER (ewww, horrifying!), and so the feeling of cold air on something that’s been so warm all the time doesn’t hurt them.
His ‘wound’ from the circumcision wasn’t as nasty as his creepy black umbilical cord stump, so I quickly got used to dealing with his peep and it healed pretty quickly.

What I was not prepared for? Two main things:

Baby boys get erections. Obviously not for the same reasons as adult males.. but they get them- and they’re creepy. And you’d better watch out when the peep starts perking up at full attention, because you’re about to get pissed on. I didn’t think i’d have to deal with Holden getting any kind of boner until I inevitably walked in on him masturbating into a sock during puberty.

It gets worse..

I started noticing that Holden’s peep was looking.. well.. funny. There was no definition of a head anymore. Just a lot of skin, and a tip. My brother, who has a son 6 months younger than Holden was visiting one day and during a diaper change I happened to ask him if he thought Holden’s peep looked weird (i’m sure this story would completely embarrass Holden) and he replied that it did in fact look funny. That’s when I realized that something definitely was wrong with Holden’s peep.

Immediately I asked a girl on the mommy-board I post on who is a nurse what was going on.. and she told me something that has most likely scarred me for life:
Holden’s circumcision had reattached.
I had no idea it was POSSIBLE for that to happen. It’s actually very common. When doctors do circumcisions, they don’t want to cut too MUCH skin.. so they leave a little excess for baby to essentially ‘grow into.’ It makes sense I guess.
Apparently I was not being firm enough at diaper changes with this excess skin.. and it proceeded to.. well.. adhere to itself. Are you cringing? I am.

Even more disturbing was the action I had to take in order to fix this situation. I had to take Holden’s poor little peep between two fingers on one hand.. and tear the skin down with the other. The thought made my stomach turn- but the last thing I wanted for Holden was to have a disfigured penis because I was too much of a pussy to fix something I myself had let happen in the first place.
So I did it. And I could feel the skin pulling apart. Like pulling two pieces of tape apart. Holden didn’t flinch one bit- but the job wasn’t done. I had to do it again to fully get the skin un-attached. He wasn’t so pleased this next time, it even bled a little. Broke my heart, but I was so happy his penis looked normal.

Happy until it re-attached again… and then again one more time after that.
Being extra firm, was not firm enough. You have to be MEAN with the excess skin, as much as you want to be gentle.. you just can’t be.

Do I regret having a circumsicion done on Holden? Hell no. I’m just glad he didn’t have to have ANOTHER one done due to me not being mean enough to his peep (yes, that happens too).
Am I still creeped out by his baby peep? Sure am. Penises are weird enough to look at in adult-form. Mini-penis with excess skin trying to pee on you is doubly weird. Like a mutant pinky finger. That pees.

Posted on November 17, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

I always wanted a Mitsubishi-Evo

Don’t ask me why.. But something has always attracted me to the super-charged Mitsubishi Evolution.
I could only afford the Lancer (about 20k less expensive to be exact), but I still admire the Evos from afar.

I’ve actually looked into upgrading my car, although I know I don’t have the money to ever actually go through with it- it’s nice to browse. I dream about being able to blow other cars away with a turbocharger, blow-off valve.

If you can actually afford to upgrade your car and are looking for a good website to find parts from- check out http://www.turbochargerpros.com/
They have just about everything you could ever need to give your car that extra kick, along with a full warranty.
Unfortunately they don’t carry much for my car online at this moment, which is probably a good thing because I won’t want to actually buy anything being that I don’t have any extra cash for it.

Posted on November 17, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment