Have you met The Sproutwells yet?
Well you should!
I may not order much online but I definitely spend too much time on the computer! Playing games, browsing websites… blogging (duh). I’m lucky Holden doesn’t hold a techi-intervention on me.
The real point of the video is to join Freshfunds.com. It’s actually a really cool site where you can collect points for eating healthy and bid on prizes with all the points you collect.
It’s about time we get rewarded for eating healthy, right? You know, other than.. feeling good and staying fit- we all could use a little extra motivation to eat healthy.
The following yummies can earn you points towards goodies:
Chiquita Fruit and Veggie Bites
Fresh Express Gourmet Café Salads
Fresh Express Packaged Salads
Freshfunds has all kinds of cool things to bid on, like a brand new Macbook Air, shoes to benefit Breast Cancer.. but personally- i’m saving my points for a Wii Fit.
What do you have to lose? Check it out and sign up today
I never enjoyed being licked by a dog, always got creeped out when I kissed someone who used way too much tongue.. licking my earlobe or neck? Vomit, out of the question. So to say that I dislike saliva is putting it lightly.
There are so many disgusting things I got used to since becoming a mother. Getting peed on (a frequent occurrence in Holden’s earlier days), accidentally getting poop on my fingers while trying to wipe down Holden’s dirty butt.. even getting spit-up on (a gallon at a time at that)- all things I can handle (although the poop under the fingernail might make me heave just a little).
Drool is just not one of them. And when I say drool, I mean baby drool. I’d hope Thomas wouldn’t be the one drooling all over me (that’s not to say it hasn’t happened before).
I don’t know what it is. The incredibly slimy stringy consistency? The seemingly endless amounts that pour out of my child’s mouth at all times of the day? Maybe it’s the fact that Holden enjoys drooling all over his sticky little baby hands and then wiping it on me. Who knows, but all of it makes my skin crawl.
Piece of advice: if you have a drooly baby- do not play airplane with them.. where you lay on your back and fly them right over your face. As fun as it is, it comes with consequences. It is, to put it simply, a BAD idea. Before you know it, a long string of clear vomit-inducing baby drool will soon be making a bee-line for your face and it’s just too fast for you to move out of the way. SPLAT, right in the eye. Or even worse, your mouth. It doesn’t taste good, trust me.
Though I know Holden is teething- which causes him to be a bit of a drool factory, I sort of thought we’d gotten past the worst of it. You know what they say about assuming…
During Holden’s nap (he’s down to one now, ugh), my favorite way to put him to sleep is to just let him lay tummy down on my stomach, face resting comfortably on my chest. I’ll admit it- I love to snuggle with him, and the older he gets the less he holds still long enough to do so with him.
I think it was Wednesday, he’s passed out on me- sucking away at his pacifier, and i’m knee-deep watching all hell break loose on my soap when I feel my (non) cleavage area get very warm. At first I think it must be sweat- because let’s face it, having a 27+ lb baby sleeping on you causes your sweat glands to start working at full-force.
Then it hits me.. it’s drool. Massive amounts of sticky slimy wet disgusting drool slowly creeping down my chest. I put my finger to his mouth and realize that somehow, drool has covered his binky and is pouring out the sides, covering me, my shirt, and my boobs in slobber.
What can I do? If I freak out, i’ll have a very upset child who most likely won’t go back to sleep once i’ve woken him. Frantically, I start looking around me for something small enough to fit in between his face and my chest to try and wipe myself down with before I puke all over his head. The only thing within reach is the bra I wear to sleep (don’t ask).
Oh well, it’s gonna have to do.
So there I am, wiping down my boobs and Holden’s face with a bra. Shameful moment in my history.
I must be a glutton for punishment because the same thing happened every day for the rest of the week. And every day, I wiped his face with a bra.
I probably shouldn’t ever tell him this story- but you know me.
Halloween has always been by FAR my favorite “holiday.”
Haunted houses, dressing up as anything I wanted, scary movie marathons, and of course.. candy.
Unfortunately since becoming a mom, I haven’t been able to enjoy Halloween as much as I used to- can’t take a baby to a haunted house! That’s just a recipe for disaster.
Although.. it does mean I get to dress my kid up as whatever I want since he doesn’t really care what I put him in at this point.. and call me a mean mommy- but I like to choose funny and/or embarrassing costumes.
Take Holden’s 1st Halloween for instance..
A wiener!!! Try and tell me that’s not awesome. He can hate me for it later. It worked out in more ways than one though.. not only was it hilarious, but warm and snuggly and he fell right to sleep as soon as we stuck him in it.
This year, I chose the most fitting costume I could find for him.
That’s right.. the devil. Why? DUH, he’s a little hellion. It’s better than dressing him up as a walking penis for Halloween and telling people, “oh, yeah.. he’s a dick.”
Somehow I don’t think many people would find the humor in that. Add the fact that there would be horrified looks from all the other little children trick-or-treating and the inevitable attacks from other parents.. so yeah, the devil was the best way to go.
The best kinds of costumes to buy are the kinds you can embarrass them with later in life… like when he brings his first date home.
That, naked baby pictures, and the picture of him as a newborn wearing my bra- that one’s going to be amazingly humiliating too.
As dumb as it may sound, I have really missed trick-or-treating.. so having a child allows me to live vicariously through him. Dress him up, take him out.. show him off of course.. and then reap all the rewards. Obviously Holden isn’t old enough to eat the 4 pounds of candy we acquired over the course of the night (my nieces and nephews.. they just wouldn’t quit! I have a blister to prove it), so it aaaaalll goes to me. Well.. me and Thomas.
Junk food heaven all over again! There goes my diet.
Oh well, you only live once, right? And it won’t be long before he’s hiding his candy from his lard-ass candy thieving mommy.
So, now, off I go to chow down on his loot and have a few drinks and watch Ghost Hunters live.
I’m seriously curious.. why can’t Halloween be every day??
I’ll admit that I don’t know much of anything about suits.. mostly because i’m a woman and have never had an occasion to wear one to, and partly because I just don’t have the money to spend on one.
Thomas owns a few, they don’t fit perfectly and he got them on sale. To get a suit tailored is just one more expense to tack onto the cost of buying one in the first place.
It’s always good to have at least one suit though. For weddings, events, special occasions. Renting one over and over again is not only time consuming but adds up in price. That, and you can never be quite sure how it’s going to fit you- considering the people working in those little booths in the mall are probably only getting paid minimum wage and could probably not care less about how you look.
MySuitNY.com is a company with over 40 years experience in the suit making industry- a branch of one of the largest in the world. They will sell you a made-to-measure custom suit at close to off-the-rack prices.
All you have to do is go to the website and make an appointment for a fitting.
They have every kind of style you could dream of, and a ton of fabric selections to suit (no pun intended) your need.
My personal favorite would be the 3-button jacket in the wool dark-grey pinstripe.
If you go to the website and check out the “My.Suit.Experience”, you can see every style they have to offer, you’ll most likely find something you like. Then make your appointment and go, and you’ll have your suit in 2 weeks.
If you’re going to buy a suit, get one that fits, one that is your style, and won’t bankrupt you. Check out MySuitNY.com
Like OH EM GEE you guys! Today was the most perfect day in all of perfection! My life is so totally perfect, you just wouldn’t believe it!
I woke up on this glorious morning to my angel child smiling at me. He is just the best baby ever!
he never EVER cries, he never whines.. he is just a ray of sunshine every single day!
I could not be happier, and life could not be more grand- lemme tell you!
Holden is all over the place, giggling and walking and eating things he shouldn’t be eating- throwing food.. but that’s okay, because I never ever get irritated or frustrated with him! I’m the best mom EVER y’all!
It helps that my baby is the BEST BABY IN THE WORLD! He is the perfect child! Oops, did I already say that? Let me say it again- HE IS SO PERFECT AND WELL BEHAVED!
I could just snuggle him into itty-bitty baby pieces! And then eat him! I bet he’d taste like cotton candy and rainbows! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Was that as painful for you as it was for me??
I mean, seriously.. Who wants to read crap like that? It’s obviously exaggerated, no one’s that perfect and patient.
If all of my blogs were full of that sugary BS, would you come back and read every day?
Sure, maybe you got a giggle out of how ridiculous it was.. but it certainly doesn’t seem like a good read to me.
Maybe it’s because I like to laugh.. I don’t like to gloss over things because they might not be perfect and positive and pleasant. I like getting to the nitty-gritty. If I feel a certain way, I have no hesitance in sharing it.
If that makes me a bad parent… well, then.. I guess i’m just AWFUL aren’t I? I’m sure as hell not apologizing for what I write, partly because it’s how I feel and i’m not ashamed of it, and partly because it’s the TRUTH.
Reminds me of a famous line..
“YOU WANT THE TRUTH??? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
Let’s face it, parenthood is a messy business. Why should I wrap it up nicely with a pretty little bow on top when that just isn’t how it really is? Why would anyone want me to? That doesn’t make any kind of logical sense.
For real y’all, if you can’t handle or don’t agree with what I write about- walk away… ‘Cause I sure as hell won’t be posting flowery-delusional-Britney Spears-like blogs any time in the future. And that’s a promise.
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.
ALL the Movies Revealed at Disney’s D23 Expo! goo.gl/fb/Bdr8vT