Ohh neighbors

My next door neighbors were recently rear-ended in their mini-van and got their back bumper totally crumpled. They’ve been getting jerked around by the other family’s auto-insurance for a few weeks now- trying to say they might not pay and all those things crappy shady insurance companies do to get out of paying.

They got the run around from a few auto repair shops, it’s hard to find trustworthy ones these days. I should have told them about Collision Repair Experts. They have thousands of testimonials and feedback ratings so you know they aren’t going to do a crappy job on your car to save themselves money.

Posted on November 13, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments

Baby Pizza Face

I never realized until I gave birth that babies get acne worse than I ever remember getting it in my life (even during pregnancy). It may not be a huge breakout like you see on those Proactiv commercials, but I can’t recall a day in recent past where he doesn’t have some kind of zit somewhere on him- if not multiples.

It started out as what the doctors call “milk bubbles”

you can see it all around his eyes and on his chin in that photo, but I think it had to be the worst on his nose. They were just under the skin, and totally weird. I understand why they are called milk-bubbles.. because they’re white- but the term totally grosses me out. Makes me think they were full of pussy-milky nastiness, so I never poked at them in fear of dry-heaving.

As he got older and the milk bubbles faded away- the straight-up acne started popping up all over him- even his little (big) butt cheeks. I feel bad for him. There are some days he really looks like a teenager going through puberty, and there’s nothing I can do to get rid of them.. even though the urge to pop them is SO strong you wouldn’t even believe. Maybe it’s the masochist in me. I’ve tried to pop the super nasty ones before, Holden did not appreciate that in the slightest.

Look closely.. the zits are there, and they were (obviously) much worse in person. If Holden has a big-honkin’ zit, I usually avoid taking pictures of him. I know how embarrassing it is for me to go outside and greet the world pimple-first, and I have makeup to cover that nastiness up.. Holden doesn’t have that ability (though i’m sure he doesn’t care), and i’m sure as hell not putting makeup on him. It’s not that big of a deal, but I don’t really want people thinking I rub grease all over his face, or don’t ever bathe him.

I guess it doesn’t make sense to me. I didn’t think people got zits until puberty.. but then again, I thought zits stopped AFTER puberty- oh how wrong I was! Would certainly be nice though, right?

It may have something to do with how fast his hormones are.. growing? Do babies even have hormones?? I’m sure they do.. now i’m just confusing myself. Maybe he wouldn’t break out so badly if he didn’t feel the need to smear food all over his face at every chance, and not by accident either. He had a lasagna-mask at dinner tonight.
Adding insult to injury, he has what I think is eczema on his cheeks, arms and thighs.. so he’s always pretty bumpy. Thomas gets full blame for that (DAMN YOU!).

I keep thinking to the future, hoping he doesn’t break out so badly in highschool that he doesn’t want to leave the house. I must be pretty lucky, I never really had to deal with any of that. I have freckles, a.k.a permanent pimples, so I think I got a pardon due to that.
As cool as it would be to have Holden on TV giving a Proactiv testimonial about how well it worked for him- i’d rather him not have to go through the pain of having acne in the first place.

For now it’s just one of those things I roll my eyes at and say “another day, another zit on my baby’s face” or you can replace face with ass and it works the same.

Posted on November 12, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments

The Incredible Hulk

Sometimes I swear that babies are all bitten by a radioactive spider, or the womb contains some kind of toxic-waste-like property that makes them have superhuman strength.

I knew I was in trouble while I was pregnant and Holden kicked my insides so hard that I literally could not fall asleep at night.. and like the big baby I am- i’d cry and cry and wonder where he learned karate so early. I never got a freakish hand pushing through my skin like those creepy ass pregnancy pictures you see online (I swear they have to be photoshopped), but it sure felt like any moment he’d bust right through my skin and start tap dancing across the bed with a top hat and cane singing “Hello my baby hello my darlin” like in Space Balls (it was space balls, right? my memory is crap).

Much to my dismay, it was not just a case of having a weak uterus or low pain tolerance- because when Holden was born, i’d literally get bruises on my stomach from him kicking me during diaper changes. Thomas could hear him from the other room making incredibly loud thumping sounds with his heels hitting the (padded) changing table. Or we’d be woken up by him doing the same thing in his crib in the early mornings.

My brother used to compare him to the Commissioner from ‘The Shield’
I was never sure if he meant the actual character from the show, or the character he played in The Fantastic Four.. Holden bore a striking resemblance to both in looks and strength

Now that he’s much older and much bigger- he is MUCH stronger.
His idea of a good time is slapping me across the face like a pimp bitch-slapping an unruly ho. Not cute, and pretty painful.
Of course, I know he isn’t doing it to be mean- he thinks it’s funny and doesn’t know what Mommy means when she says “OUCH!”
I also don’t think he knows his own strength.. at least I hope not. It would be pretty bad if he knew just how hard he hits and still did it for shits and giggles.

As much as I tell him no, and try to show him that he should be gentle.. I just never know when he’s going to snuggle, lick my face, or give me a sharp right-hook.

The worst, by far, are his evil full-fist pinches. I don’t ever see those coming and they are PAINFUL. The other morning I woke up to him leaning over me slapping and pinching my chest, giggling hysterically. I’m dumb when i’m sleepy, so I thought it was cute and let him get away with it.. and walked around with a red chest for a few hours because of it. Do you remember the pinch called ‘the monkey bite’ from when you were younger? It’s like that, but about 5 times worse. Who knew his fat little baby fingers were so strong?

At least if Holden were like The Incredible Hulk and turned green right before he was about to go ape-shit on me, i’d have a warning and be able to duck at the stacking cup being hurled at my face. Unfortunately, I just never see those coming either. I’m surprised I haven’t gotten a black eye yet, but I have had my lip busted by him head-butting me, and a sore eyelid from him dropping the remote control on my face.

I’m just going to keep telling myself it’s a phase.. when really I know all too well that it’s only going to get worse as he approaches the age of 2.

Posted on November 11, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments

Future Couch Potato of America

There aren’t too many things I concern myself with when it comes to Holden’s development. I do everything I can to help him progress, make sure he’s eating healthy.. but if you’re a parent you know all children develop at different rates and stressing yourself out over the fact that your kid doesn’t “wave bye-bye” is pointless and will make you crazy… but there is one thing right now that i’m getting pretty frustrated with/worried about.

Holden will literally NOT stop watching TV. It isn’t just a casual glance over at the screen’s direction, but he goes out of his way to walk over to the TV and stand in front of it (about 2 inches away) and stare… and stare… and stare… I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a long trail of drool flowing from his mouth while doing it.

When he was a baby and screamed from reflux constantly, the TV seemed to soothe him at 3am so that I could go back to sleep, and I knew he just liked the bright colors and it wouldn’t rot his little baby brain- and he became uninterested in it once he became more aware of his surroundings.

Now I feel as though he is a complete TV-addict.
I’ll admit i’m probably a couch potato, I leave the TV on pretty much all day for background noise.. or to watch something random here and there, silence in the house drives me crazy. Holden was never really interested until recently. Usually he just plays with his toys- and glances up if he sees Spongebob and then goes back to playing. Now it’s the complete opposite. His toys just get in his way of watching TV. I’ll try and distract him with my keys (which he is obsessed with), and he won’t even tear his eyes away from the screen- just reaches and tries to feel for them.. jingles them a few times and drops them and goes back to staring blankly at whatever is on.
If you get in his way, he will literally push you out of it. If you turn it off, he turns it back on. If you tell him to ‘STOP WATCHING THE TV AND PLAY WITH YOUR TOYS!’, he either ignores you.. or cries, and goes back to watching. I’m about ready to tear my hair out.
I even went as far as to lightly pop his hand every time he turned the TV back on, and you know what he did? Laughed hysterically. I thought he was crying at first, but of COURSE he thought it was hilarious that he was doing something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do.

Today has been by far the worst in his tv-watching habits. It’s literally all he wanted to do. I finally got fed up and turned the stupid thing off.. and then proceeded to go crazy because I had nothing to do but sit there and watch him play. There’s only so much I can play WITH him before my knees start to hurt, or he just wants me to let him be. I suppose I could have used the time to clean… but let’s face it- cleaning sucks. And it might help if my vacuum didn’t spit crap all over my freshly swept floor, so i’m sure as hell not vacuuming until I can figure out how to fix it. I could read… but Holden would see that I was holding a book and want it, and if I don’t give it? Tantrum time.

Once I got fed up with the silence, I did the only thing I could and turned my TV to the 900 channels- music. There’s no flashing images, just a picture and a song playing. Holden was entranced at first, but got bored quickly and actually started playing with his toys again (well.. after turning the TV on and off about 6 times). I, on the other hand, got bored fast. None of the songs I actually wanted to hear came on. Basically I ended up sitting there picking at my nails for an hour, occasionally dancing and trying to entice Holden to do the same, but he knows crappy music when he hears it and declined my offers.

So i’m at a loss of what to do about the TV situation. It’s pretty cute when Holden laughs at Spongebob.. and especially when he laughs at Oprah.. but when he completely zones out and starts rotting his brain away and potentially crapping up his eyes is when I start worrying. Should I stop being selfish and just leave the TV off all day? Probably… but I really don’t think my sanity can take that kind of sacrifice, sorry!

There has to be some other solution… I just haven’t figured it out yet.

and no.. I don’t know why the image below isn’t working, grrrr.

Posted on November 10, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 6 Comments

Shopping online is going to kill me!

I have always had a shopping addiction. I love clothes, I love shoes.. of course I don’t particularly enjoy spending tons of money- but it comes with the territory.
Add a kid into the mix, and the urge intensifies tenfold. While I still love to shop for myself- most of the time I let that go by the wayside and buy things for Holden at alarming rates.
Of course, babies need a lot more stuff than I ever could. They go through clothes SO fast, and need so many more because of all the lovely mishaps they have throughout the day.. so every time I go shopping I see things I want to buy for him… even if he already has more clothes than he’ll ever wear.

For the most part i’ve managed to keep myself away from the mall and baby stores unless there’s something we absolutely need (like diapers).. but when I get bored there is absolutely nothing stopping me from browsing online (other than myself, and that ain’t happening). It probably doesn’t help that I somehow signed myself up for EVERY mailing list from all the cute baby stores, so every time there’s a sale there’s a shiny new message in my inbox about it- strengthening the gravitational pull towards going and checking them out.

Then I make the promise to myself that i’ll only browse (glutton for punishment).. and then end up seeing 6 or 7 things on clearance that Holden would just look ‘sooooooo cute in!’
Do I buy them online right then? No, i’ve at least managed to keep that urge at bay… but we end up going to the mall and trying to find the same clothes so that we don’t have to pay shipping, and of course we never find the same clothes but end up buying 3 or 4 other things for him anyways.
It’s a vicious circle. Some people can afford to buy their kids tons of clothes.. so many that they could probably wear 2 outfits a day and not run out of clean clothes for 2 weeks- we are not those people. Sometimes I wish we were, and sometimes i’m glad we’re not. Our townhouse has limited storage space as it is-his drawers are pretty stuffed with what we have (most stuff being 24 months… that he can’t wear without swimming in, that he got for his 1st birthday. Yeah, try and find the logic in that, I can’t.) It would still be nice to go on a whim and be able to buy every cute shirt I saw.

Oh well, maybe my kid will just be the dirty kid, ’cause let’s face it- baby clothes are expensive, especially the older they get. He wears pants two times before I put them in the wash (sometimes more.. he’s low on pants, the urge is strong to shop right now). Shirts? One wear. He wipes gunk all over his shirts all day, and has a CRAPLOAD of shirts so it isn’t really necessary to stick him in a crusty one when there’s a clean not as cute shirt in his drawer as much as it pains me to do so.

I think I just need to ignore the “25% OFF BABY CLOTHES!” emails I get from now on. It’s obvious my brain stops functioning correctly as soon as I know there’s a sale going on. My bank account can’t handle any more “OH MY GOD SO CUTE!” impulse buys.

Posted on November 9, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 3 Comments