Pregnancy Cravings are all in your head

Have a hankering for a pickle & banana ice cream sundae? How about 5 bars of chocolate and a bag of chips?
By the time we get pregnant, we’ve heard so much about the ‘crazy cravings’ that come along with pregnancy that we start to believe them. We also hear that we’re ‘eating for two now’, so suddenly our brain tricks us into thinking that we need to stuff our faces with the most unhealthy crap imaginable, topped with things a normal person would never eat as a combination.

When I was pregnant, there were times i’d get a serious ‘need’ for a McDonald’s milkshake.. but never the weird crap that had been embedded into my brain my entire life.

I don’t know who started the cruel rumor.. perhaps someone who enjoyed seeing pregnant women balloon up in size (faster than the baby would make you grow on its own) under the false assumption that you’re SUPPOSED to get fat when you’re pregnant.. but there’s no such thing. Seriously, there’s not.

it’s all mind over matter.. to me anyways. I also don’t believe in addiction.. so what works for my brain might not work for yours.

What i’m trying to say is: the next time you happen to get pregnant and you suddenly decide you absolutely HAVE to have buttered popcorn.. but not just ANY buttered popcorn- movie theatre kind.. from the movie theatre- and start yelling at your significant other to immediately stop what he’s doing and go and get it for you… take a minute to think about it.. decide you don’t want to look like a hippopotamus AFTER you give birth, and eat a freaking apple instead.

I know we’d all like to use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever we want, whenever we want in the largest quantity we can stomach- but trust me, you don’t want to do that. Baby fat is hard enough to lose without tacking on 20 extra pounds because we can’t control our “cravings.”

Stuffing your face is only fun until you walk into your OBGYN, step on the scale, and realize you’ve gained 10 lbs in a month (happened to me).. and your Doc looks at you and says “STOP EATING SO MUCH!!”
Save yourself the embarrassment, and the thunder thighs.

Posted on October 12, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments

Teething- seemingly never ending hell

Before I got pregnant, I literally had no idea about anything having to do with children.
I knew babies got teeth… I didn’t know that it was such a pain in the… er… mouth.

From what I keep hearing, it’s like getting a root-canal without general anesthesia. FUN!!!

Holden got his first two teeth before he was even 5 months old.
As of now, he’s working on teeth #s 9-14. You can imagine how SUPER EXCITED I am about that.

The worst part is, they always look like they’re about to cut but just won’t finish the job.
It’s causing incredibly restless nights for all 3 of us, no matter what we use (and we’re using a lot.. orajel, motrin, and cold medicine since it seems as though his nose is a leaky faucet this week).

None of the mommy remedies seem to work for us. Holden doesn’t appreciate ice being shoved in his mouth.. he hates the taste or orajel (but likes the feeling, of course! Who doesn’t love instant gratification?).. He’s of course chewing everything (including my shoulder. Not cool) but not getting any relief.

Back when he got his first few teeth and we thought THAT was the worst of it (boy were we wrong) our pediatrician had told us to ‘stay away from orajel.’ Did she want to see us suffer??
Instead, we followed a trail of advice to get this teething giraffe from France named ‘Sophie’
He chewed that thing from dawn til’ dusk.
Now, Sophie is sort of an after-thought. Holden likes to toss her around and occasionally beat me in the head with her, but she isn’t his go-to for teething relief.

I miss the days where Sophie saved my sanity.
For now, i’m brutally rebuffing the pediatrician and using orajel.
Orajel is my friend… so is Motrin… and Triamenic.

Posted on October 8, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment

Happy Crotch-Blowing-Out Anniversary!

Err… or, Happy 1st Birthday Holden!

my kid is a year old… that makes ME feel old. Soon will be the days where he’s back-talking (more than he already does), running…
i’m most excited for the singing. My kid better be able to sing, it would be blasphemous for him not to have vocal talent.

I wish I had more poigniant things to write, but those all went Holden’s baby book. All I have left are the memories of blowing my crotch out

Posted on September 17, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment


Anyone else ever have one of those days where they’d like nothing more than to sell their kid to the gypsies?

Today is one of those days for me.

It’s also one of those days where I swear my kid acts like a total monster just to drive me crazy.

Posted on August 30, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

One month til doomsday

I’m in complete denial.

In one month, my crotchblossom will be a year old. I literally remember giving birth like it was yesterday (how fun that is, huh?)
As horrible as pushing a 7lb3oz baby out of my hoo-ha was.. and all the times I said “I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN” while my stitches were healing.. all I remember now is the good things.
How good it felt to actually have Holden OUT of me (like the biggest poop ever, literally), and how amazing it felt to hold MY baby in my arms. The one i’d been dying to see for the entire 10 months I carried him. That’s right ladies, pregnancy is TEN months, not nine. Don’t let people lie to you.

Don’t get any crazy ideas, I do not plan on having another for a LONG time.. but sometimes thinking about it is nice.
Especially since Holden was supposed to be a girl.. well.. in my brain anyways.

Posted on August 17, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment