Author: Holdin' Holden


Oohhhh Ugly Babies

Don’t lie- you know you’ve been shopping somewhere before and seen a pretty lady with a baby carrier on her shopping cart and strained to take a peek only to see the horror that is an UGLY BABY.
Bulging eyes.. boogery face.. funky hair.. weird shaped head.. you name it- i’ve seen them all.

I’m not one of those moms who thinks my kid is God’s Gift (although, he is pretty handsome haha), but I know he isn’t what I would call an “unfortunate” child, or anywhere close.

I always feel bad seeing an ugly baby. The mom makes eye contact with you and you smile when really you’re thinking “OMG!!!!”
and then I wonder if people see my kid and think the same thing? Who knows.

The funny thing is, a lot of ugly babies turn out to be gorgeous children/adults.. while some gorgeous babies turn into hideous monstrosities.
So if you have the misfortune of giving birth to an ‘ugly baby’, have no fear- babies morph so many times as they’re getting older that you have no idea what they’ll really look like when they get older.

Posted on September 25, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Happy Crotch-Blowing-Out Anniversary!

Err… or, Happy 1st Birthday Holden!

my kid is a year old… that makes ME feel old. Soon will be the days where he’s back-talking (more than he already does), running…
i’m most excited for the singing. My kid better be able to sing, it would be blasphemous for him not to have vocal talent.

I wish I had more poigniant things to write, but those all went Holden’s baby book. All I have left are the memories of blowing my crotch out

Posted on September 17, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Arrrggghh it’s a parrrrrrrty

Holden’s 1st Birthday party was today. A Pirate party to boot.

I have to say, it was the best baby party EVER. Well, the decorations at least.
Everything else was pure hell, the wind, the heat.. me running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

but it was all worth it for this:
You try and tell me that isn’t the cutest pirate you’ve ever seen in your entire life? And NO, Johnny Depp does not count.

Posted on September 14, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Things I did not realize before becoming a mom…

As much as I educated myself on parenthood before becoming a mother.. there are so many things I did NOT know that made me feel like a total moron. Here is a list:

1. When you have a boy and get him circumsized, you have to pull back the ‘excess skin’ or the circumcision will REATTACH.
ugh. Learned that the hard way. Poor baby.

2. Baby poop is inhuman, defies gravity…And smells like rotting corpses.

3. Not all babies can handle any kind of formula you give them.
Mine went through 5.

4. Huggies suck ass. Don’t let the high price fool you into thinking that they’re quality diapers. They aren’t.. unless your baby is built like a brick (reverse of the commercial). Luvs are cheap, and only work if your baby isn’t fat.
My baby was a fat baby

5. Mylicon drops… they don’t work.

6. REFLUX.
that one hit me from left field. I didn’t know babies could have acid reflux, and I certainly didn’t know it would make my life a living hell for the first few months of Holden’s life.

7. Advice from other people.. namely older people.. SUCKS.
Brandy on the gums? ‘oh it’s just a gas bubble’ etc etc, SHUT UP. not all babies are the same, and sadly my family assumes they are.

8. Sleep is a thing of the past.
I knew the first few months would be rough.. I didn’t think that once they got a NORMAL sleeping pattern teething would kick in and ruin my sleep all over again. Awesome realization, that one.

9. Baby proofing.. not always baby-proof.
No matter how many things I hide, cover, put up.. put away.. Holden always manages to pull something down on his head, fall and smack his face, eat things off the floor that I didn’t even SEE.. get stuck under the table…

10. Pediatricians… they’re not always right.
This was the most important lesson I learned. Thomas and I picked a name off of a list while in the hospital.. and MAN was that a bad decision. This doctor did not agree with how I was choosing to raise Holden in the slightest.. put him on a formula that landed him in the emergency room, didn’t take my concerns or his reflux seriously.. tried to tell me to ‘stop holding Holden so much’.. She almost sent me into a blind rage.
if you are not comfortable with what your pediatrician says, CHANGE PEDIATRICIANS. It is SO important to find someone who you agree with, who has similar views on how to raise children (namely yours), who you trust and are confident in their decisions.
A bad pediatrician will make your life hell, and as a result- your baby’s life hell.

I could probably go on listing things for days. I’ll spare you, because i’m fresh out of wit for the evening.

Posted on September 9, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

Gypsies

Anyone else ever have one of those days where they’d like nothing more than to sell their kid to the gypsies?

Today is one of those days for me.

It’s also one of those days where I swear my kid acts like a total monster just to drive me crazy.

Posted on August 30, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment