As much as I educated myself on parenthood before becoming a mother.. there are so many things I did NOT know that made me feel like a total moron. Here is a list:
1. When you have a boy and get him circumsized, you have to pull back the ‘excess skin’ or the circumcision will REATTACH.
ugh. Learned that the hard way. Poor baby.
2. Baby poop is inhuman, defies gravity…And smells like rotting corpses.
3. Not all babies can handle any kind of formula you give them.
Mine went through 5.
4. Huggies suck ass. Don’t let the high price fool you into thinking that they’re quality diapers. They aren’t.. unless your baby is built like a brick (reverse of the commercial). Luvs are cheap, and only work if your baby isn’t fat.
My baby was a fat baby
5. Mylicon drops… they don’t work.
that one hit me from left field. I didn’t know babies could have acid reflux, and I certainly didn’t know it would make my life a living hell for the first few months of Holden’s life.
7. Advice from other people.. namely older people.. SUCKS.
Brandy on the gums? ‘oh it’s just a gas bubble’ etc etc, SHUT UP. not all babies are the same, and sadly my family assumes they are.
8. Sleep is a thing of the past.
I knew the first few months would be rough.. I didn’t think that once they got a NORMAL sleeping pattern teething would kick in and ruin my sleep all over again. Awesome realization, that one.
9. Baby proofing.. not always baby-proof.
No matter how many things I hide, cover, put up.. put away.. Holden always manages to pull something down on his head, fall and smack his face, eat things off the floor that I didn’t even SEE.. get stuck under the table…
10. Pediatricians… they’re not always right.
This was the most important lesson I learned. Thomas and I picked a name off of a list while in the hospital.. and MAN was that a bad decision. This doctor did not agree with how I was choosing to raise Holden in the slightest.. put him on a formula that landed him in the emergency room, didn’t take my concerns or his reflux seriously.. tried to tell me to ‘stop holding Holden so much’.. She almost sent me into a blind rage.
if you are not comfortable with what your pediatrician says, CHANGE PEDIATRICIANS. It is SO important to find someone who you agree with, who has similar views on how to raise children (namely yours), who you trust and are confident in their decisions.
A bad pediatrician will make your life hell, and as a result- your baby’s life hell.
I could probably go on listing things for days. I’ll spare you, because i’m fresh out of wit for the evening.
Anyone else ever have one of those days where they’d like nothing more than to sell their kid to the gypsies?
Today is one of those days for me.
It’s also one of those days where I swear my kid acts like a total monster just to drive me crazy.
I’m in complete denial.
In one month, my crotchblossom will be a year old. I literally remember giving birth like it was yesterday (how fun that is, huh?)
As horrible as pushing a 7lb3oz baby out of my hoo-ha was.. and all the times I said “I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN” while my stitches were healing.. all I remember now is the good things.
How good it felt to actually have Holden OUT of me (like the biggest poop ever, literally), and how amazing it felt to hold MY baby in my arms. The one i’d been dying to see for the entire 10 months I carried him. That’s right ladies, pregnancy is TEN months, not nine. Don’t let people lie to you.
Don’t get any crazy ideas, I do not plan on having another for a LONG time.. but sometimes thinking about it is nice.
Especially since Holden was supposed to be a girl.. well.. in my brain anyways.
When I got pregnant, I was 22 years old, gave birth at 23 years old.
While Holden was planned, 5 years ago I would have laughed in anyones face who said i’d be having a child this young. It just didn’t seem to be in the cards for me.
before Holden, I was… well… a partier. I was working on becoming a professional musician (www.myspace.com/jennyfisher), had just recorded a new CD.. played late shows a few times a week, basically partied every night and hung out with a pretty intense crowd.
Needless to say, that’s not how my life is now.
Life now revolves around my little boy. We go by a strict schedule, we don’t go out that often.. hell, Thomas and I haven’t been out alone since JANUARY (that’s another story).
As monotonous as it is, I find comfort in it. Comfort in the fact that I love my son, and that I am able to stay at home with him and raise him how I feel that he deserves to be raised.. giving him all the attention he could ever ask for.
I never did really enjoy working, though. Not any of the odd jobs I had anyways.
There are days (even weeks) where I feel like i’m going to go stir crazy, that I can’t handle Holden one more second without snapping, but I wouldn’t give up being a stay at home mom for anything- not even playing music.
I think the biggest downside is the loss of friendships. A lot of people up and bailed on me once I got married and pregnant. Most of them just aren’t ready to grow up, and maybe it freaked them out that I took a lot of steps towards that in such a short amount of time and they wanted to hang onto their youth for as long as possible.
Maybe they just didn’t care to be friends with someone who was becoming a mother- it didn’t fit their current lifestyle.
Either way, it sucked, and continues to suck.
Looking at it now, the people who couldn’t support me into motherhood probably weren’t the types of friends I need now anyways- but it does get lonely at times.
There aren’t many intelligent conversations you can hold with a 1 year old that don’t involve a lot of babble and funny looks.
Considering my age.. Mommy groups don’t appeal to me. They’re mostly older soccer moms, people who I have nothing in common with other than the fact that we pushed bowling balls out of our nether regions (well.. some had them cut out, but either way).
I’m just not looking to bond over stretch marks and the dreaded ‘mommy-pooch’
Even the ones who have accidentally gotten knocked up post Holden’s birth.. don’t really come around. I don’t know why. I can’t make sense of much of it.. but i’ve become a ‘loner’
it would feel weird going out and partying, knowing my baby is at home (hopefully) missing me. Even when i’m away from him (which isn’t very often), i’m thinking about him, what he’s doing.. if he’s being good.
That tells me that not only has my LIFE changed, but I have changed.
Comes with the territory of motherhood, though… minus crackheads and deadbeats.
It seems like the new trend is to start this whole blogging deal.
I did it before.. back when I was angsty and had a lot to complain about, now I guess it’s going to be more about dirty diapers and teething and screaming babies.
As mean as it sounds, I could bitch for days about the evil things my kid does.
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8
When you think your kid is done telling a story and you're finally free but they immediately start telling another pic.twitter.com/zM5gtwNCnj