Author: Holdin' Holden


Mystery Solved

There are billions of things your pediatrician never tells you to look out for. I suppose it’s because there is such a multitude of things your kid can catch, if they sat down and wrote out a list we’d constantly be freaking out and never leave the house.

After 4 days with a fever of around 102 and being a complete psycho (whiny, crying, screaming, etc etc)- Holden woke up looking like this:

It’s not leprosy, it’s not chicken pox, it’s not heat rash. It’s something wonderfully fabulous called Roseola. (Note: There are two pictures i’ve been waiting on to be sent from my cellphone that show the rash much better… but AT&T is a whore, and they haven’t shown up in my e-mail, so I guess they’ll have to wait. UGH!)
Don’t know where it came from, or how he got it- but he got it bad.

The thing I hate the most is when people try to freak me out. Technically, 102 isn’t something to go crapping your pants about. Yes, it’s high.. but if you take your kid to the ER they’ll only give you ibuprofen and send you home. Unless your kid is around 105, they probably won’t admit them.. another thing your pediatrician probably didn’t tell you. They LOVE to tell you to rush to the ER, they don’t ever tell you that the ER doctors can’t help you.
That’s the thing about Roseola. You freak out for days on end, wondering WHY your baby has a temperature, why they aren’t acting like themselves… wondering what you can do to help and when it will go away.. and then they wake up with no fever and a rash that covers their face, neck and torso.
According to everything i’ve read, in a few days the rash will be gone and he should be fine.
By the time you figure out that your child HAS roseola, it’s on its way out of their system. It hits you like a freight train, and leaves behind a lovely little rash to remember it by.
We’re on day #2 of the rash, it seems less BRIGHT, but more spread out and speckled if that makes sense.

The whole thing baffles me. I’d HEARD of it before.. but since i’d never known anyone to get it I hadn’t even thought twice about it.
I felt bad for dosing Holden with tylenol, but now I know it’s really all I could have done (although, these days doctors don’t want you giving your kids ANY medication… yeah freakin’ right! and risk my sanity and let my kid feel like shit? i’ll pass).

So it’s now a waiting game. My kid gets to look like a pizza faced teenager for a few more days and then be back to his wonderfully handsome self. I personally can’t wait… because this mutant pod baby that’s taken over his body for the past week has GOT TO GO before I sell him to the gypsies.

Posted on October 14, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment

Poop or get off the pot: Potty Training for beginners

I’ve found myself dancing around the subject of potty training. As much as i’d like Holden out of diapers, the stories i’ve heard about how hard it is to train boys has freaked me out so bad that I don’t even want to think about it.
I’d always thought that I was supposed to wait until Holden was “ready” to potty train- but the more I read, the more I realize that assumption was wrong.
The longer you leave a kid in diapers, the more accustomed they become to sitting in their own waste all day long. Hell, the US national average for age of potty training children is the highest in the WORLD at 3 years old. Infants in other countries as young as 6 months old are already potty trained.. I think we as a country as just.. well.. lazy when it comes to parenting.

I really don’t want to be a lazy parent, as lazy as I might be.

When it comes to ‘early’ potty training.. you’re supposed to get your kid a mini-shitter at 6 months old. I’m way behind the curve there, that’s for sure. Then again, Holden isn’t walking.. so i’d have to drag his stubborn ass to the toilet and plop him on- and as I learned today, he DEFINITELY does not appreciate that (he screamed both times on the ‘big person potty’). Not to mention that I have NO idea when he pisses during the day (yeah, you’re supposed to ‘know that by now’ as well). Pooping, I know.. because he makes it very obvious, but by the time I got him pantless, diaperless, and on the pot- poop would be everywhere. Doesn’t sound like a very effective way to go about things.
So.. i’m going to have to resort to taking Holden to the potty (once I buy one, and did you know that they make MINI URINALS now?? craziness) every 30 minutes and plopping his butt down.. just to see if he goes. Every 30 minutes! Sounds like FUN TIMES are ahead for me.

A part of me just doesn’t understand the appeal of diapers to a child. Why it’s so hard to break them of the habit of crapping their pants. Sure, it’s the easy way out- but who wants to sit in poop all day and give yourself a crazy rash between your cheeks? I guess that same part of me doesn’t understand how women can use pads- or as I call them- bloody diapers. No offense to those who use them.. and maybe i’m making a crazy correlation, but could it be that those little girls who weren’t potty trained early.. are those who would rather use pads than tampons?
Something to think about.

Posted on October 13, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments

Pregnancy Cravings are all in your head

Have a hankering for a pickle & banana ice cream sundae? How about 5 bars of chocolate and a bag of chips?
By the time we get pregnant, we’ve heard so much about the ‘crazy cravings’ that come along with pregnancy that we start to believe them. We also hear that we’re ‘eating for two now’, so suddenly our brain tricks us into thinking that we need to stuff our faces with the most unhealthy crap imaginable, topped with things a normal person would never eat as a combination.

When I was pregnant, there were times i’d get a serious ‘need’ for a McDonald’s milkshake.. but never the weird crap that had been embedded into my brain my entire life.

I don’t know who started the cruel rumor.. perhaps someone who enjoyed seeing pregnant women balloon up in size (faster than the baby would make you grow on its own) under the false assumption that you’re SUPPOSED to get fat when you’re pregnant.. but there’s no such thing. Seriously, there’s not.

it’s all mind over matter.. to me anyways. I also don’t believe in addiction.. so what works for my brain might not work for yours.

What i’m trying to say is: the next time you happen to get pregnant and you suddenly decide you absolutely HAVE to have buttered popcorn.. but not just ANY buttered popcorn- movie theatre kind.. from the movie theatre- and start yelling at your significant other to immediately stop what he’s doing and go and get it for you… take a minute to think about it.. decide you don’t want to look like a hippopotamus AFTER you give birth, and eat a freaking apple instead.

I know we’d all like to use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever we want, whenever we want in the largest quantity we can stomach- but trust me, you don’t want to do that. Baby fat is hard enough to lose without tacking on 20 extra pounds because we can’t control our “cravings.”

Stuffing your face is only fun until you walk into your OBGYN, step on the scale, and realize you’ve gained 10 lbs in a month (happened to me).. and your Doc looks at you and says “STOP EATING SO MUCH!!”
Save yourself the embarrassment, and the thunder thighs.

Posted on October 12, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments

"It’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway"

You’ve all heard the rumors, those of you who haven’t had children probably believe them. That giving birth will stretch you out like an old rubber band... or so the urban legend would like you to believe.

Now, I can’t speak for women who have had 10+ children… but I can speak for myself and friends i’ve spoken to about this subject and it just isn’t true!

Most of us are not lucky enough not to tear, or not to have the unfortunate experience of an episiotomy (getting snipped to make it easier for the baby to come out.. in my case, twice).. and while it’s a VERY painful recovery process to have either of those things happen- in my opinion it might be for the best.

Unless your OB absolutely hates you, they’ll stitch you up tighter than a virgin (seriously). That, and add the fact that any sane person will wait at least 6 weeks to have sex after giving birth due to pain- and it gives your nether-region a LONG time to heal.. and essentially.. ‘snap back.’
The way I see it, a vagina is like a piercing hole. If you put an earring in, and leave it in, of course it will stretch to allow the post to comfortably stay there. Take the earring out for a prolonged period of time.. and it will go back to the way it was before.
Obviously, a baby doesn’t stay in your birth canal long enough to get your snatch used to the feeling of being stretched to it’s outer limits, so saying that you’ll be loose after having a child doesn’t really make a lot of sense when you think about it logically.

Now, when you make sticking/expelling large objects in/from your hoo-ha a hobby it might be a totally different story..

but a child or two? maybe even three? Not going to give you a gaping hole where your vagina used to be.
So tell your significant other/friends to shut up- the rumors aren’t true!

Now, the rumor about post-baby sex hurting worse than losing your virginity? That I can confirm.

Posted on October 11, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment

The dreaded ‘mommy pooch’

When you’re young and happen to get knocked up, hundreds of people will tell you that “your body will snap right back!”
Yeah, don’t believe the hype.

It might be true for 17 year olds with ridiculously high metabolisms… but when you’re 24.. the truth is that.. well.. it ain’t.

Let me clarify, the WEIGHT itself was not so hard to get rid of. I lost 20 lbs in the first week, 10 in another month, and 10 over the months following just from eating healthy alone (I gained around 45 altogether). The hips and pooch.. not so easy.
I was already pretty hippy for being a small girl (5’9″, 120 before getting preggo), I didn’t need the BIRTHING HIPS, seriously.. take them back.
The part the bothers me the most is the pooch. The area on your lower stomach that just kinda.. hangs out. Says hello to you in the mornings.. swells up when you eat anything salty and gives you the ‘food baby’ as I lovingly refer to it.
The mommy pooch can go straight to hell.

Stretchmarks I can deal with.. though I didn’t get many- I could chalk up the ones I have to being battle-scars (although I might change my mind if I were covered in them and looked like a freaking zebra).

This pooch business is a pain in my ass…. well, not literally- but you get the point.

Anyways, the line about ‘snapping back’ is B.S., because your stomach does NOT go right back to being flat if you had a flat stomach to begin with. it takes work.

I’ve been dieting for.. well.. Holden’s entire life. Working out? not my favorite thing to do but I realized it would be necessary if I didn’t want to permanently look bloated. Necessary evil I suppose. I feel good FOR working out, knowing I did something to benefit my health and figure.. but I never get satisfaction from the FEELING of working out. I feel sweaty and gross.. and i’m a fan of instant gratification and working out doesn’t give that to me (DAMNIT!)

Pardon the jumping around, i’ve been drinking (don’t make that face, only on the weekends after Holden has gone to sleep, and DAMN, after the past 2 days I needed a stiff drink.. or 3)

So.. has my work paid off? I’m not really sure. 17 weeks of working out 5 days a week, mainly concentrating on the tummy area and i’d hoped i’d see a bigger difference- but I suppose I have to consider the fact that I didn’t have much to lose in the first place.. and toning is much harder than just burning excess amounts of fat.

Let me show you what i’m working with here:

1 week post partum

week 1 of working out (I worked out before.. but I was a slacker, i’ll admit it):

16 weeks of working out


there’s a definite difference. I’ve lost almost 3 inches in my natural waist alone, and to most of you, you’re thinking “WTF, you look tiny, STFU”… but somehow, as small as I am.. i’m still 2 sizes larger than my pre-pregnancy size. I don’t know how it’s possible, but it is. Hell, I even weigh well over 5 lbs less than I did post-pregnancy. It’s baffling, really.. and very frustrating.

So in conclusion, the whole ‘snapping back’ thing… it’s kinda true, but with a LOT (and I mean a WHOLE lot) of exceptions.

Posted on October 10, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment