10 Going on 20: The Spicy Chicken Story

My oldest child, Holden, has now gotten big enough to the point where when we walk into a restaurant, the hostess either questions whether to give in an adult menu, or just goes ahead and gives him one. This makes me uncomfortable. What makes me more uncomfortable, though, is the fact that to him, it’s not even an option– EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS ON THE MENU “FOR CHILDREN UNDER 12”–according to my child, he’s “too big” for it. He is 10. He is a child. He should get the child’s menu.

In his defense, yes, he is rather large, and he eats more than I do- so a lot of times, I just relent and don’t argue because I know damn well he’s going to inhale the smaller portion and come for mine.

We were out running errands yesterday, and having a hell of a time due to holiday traffic, when we decided to stop and grab a bite to eat. Something small, since we were still going to be out for a while afterward and didn’t want anything to spoil in the car- so no leftovers.

You already know Holden wasn’t even going to entertain the idea of ordering from the kid’s menu. It was already late, and we were hungry, and there was no point in attempting to try to convince him to. After perusing the menu for a couple of minutes, Thomas and I decided to split a burger so we wouldn’t have to worry about leftovers. Holden announces he wants to try something called the “Nashville hot chicken sandwich” because, and I quote, “I’m in the mood for something spicy.”






It’s not like he’s never eaten anything spicy before, but I’m his mom. I know him. And I know he has the tendency to think he can handle spicier foods than he can handle- but WHO AM I TO TELL THIS CHILD WHO IS CLEARLY AN ADULT WHAT HE CAN OR CANNOT EAT? WHATEVER. ORDER IT. YOU DO YOU, GROWN HUMAN.

Once our food finally comes (it took forever), we’re ready to hoover the shit up. It’ll be lucky if we even taste it. Thomas and I split the burger and before even taking a bite, look over to Holden because we are good parents and want to make sure he can ACTUALLY handle the spicy food before we eat ours so, if necessary, we can trade him. He takes a chomp out of it, gives it a moment to settle, and gives us the thumbs up. He’s a grown ass man who can handle his spicy chicken.

Since Thomas and I were sharing our food, which- let’s be honest- the portion wasn’t worth what we paid for it- it was gone pretty damn quick. We look over at Holden, who announces that he is full.

There are approximately 3.5 bites taken out of his sandwich.

Yeah, same child who insists on eating off of the adult menu because the portions on the kid’s menus are always too small. Same child who just swore he was starving and complained through every single errand that we ran before eating because he was wasting away to nothing. Yeah- THAT kid.








Me: It’s too spicy isn’t it?










I tried this sandwich of doom, y’all. It wasn’t that spicy. Barely even tickled the nose.

Remember how when your kids were really little and they’d insist over and over again that they wanted something only to get it and yell at you that they DIDN’T want it, and act like they have no idea where you’d get such an idiotic notion? This is just to let you know that never changes, it just costs you more money the bigger they get.

Posted on December 11, 2017 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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