It’s no secret that I LOVE the Disney Princesses. A lot. As I type this, I’m wearing a Pocahontas t-shirt. Artwork featuring them decorates the walls of my house. I have an entire shelf in my closet dedicated to my Disney clothing- there’s that much. I sing Disney songs all day, and even when people try to bash the princesses for being bad role models, I’m the first to snort laugh and explain exactly why they’re awesome. Even with a
freakish obsession love as strong as mine, I still have a sense of humor, which is why when Halloween comes around every year- I don’t do the whole “sexy” princess thing to show my love, with the stupid tutu skirt and cleavage hanging out (as if I have any anyway). I kill them. I kill their happy endings. I ruin precious Disney dreams everywhere. WHY?! Well, why not?? Disney has a dark side, and a sense of humor- and the original fairy tales these stories came from don’t usually have a happy ending anyway, so why not twist it all up for one night a year and have some fun with it? Luckily, I haven’t sent any kids screaming in the other direction just yet, but hey- I’m only 2 princesses in with another dying tomorrow, and I want to share these looks with you and how I achieved them (y’know, for inspiration). Hoping to add to this each year (so come back after Halloween to see how I knock off the next poor unfortunate soul!) *Please note- I am NOT a professional makeup artist. This is all amateur at-home do-it-yourself attempts, but I’m pretty proud of the results!
Dreams of more than a provincial life, and ever the optimist, thought she had found that with Beast, for Belle always sees the beauty within people- and that is the real “beauty” in Beauty & the Beast. BUT- what if? What IF Belle was wrong? What if Beast never changed? What if the Beast was just…. a beast? I mean, he DID tell her to stay out the West Wing. Homegirl just couldn’t listen, and that is where she met her true fate.
Such a shame! The yellow gown I actually found at a thrift store last second for something like two bucks, so I smashed it into the dirt, splattered it with fake blood, and tossed it on. The deep facial slashes were created with glue and toilet paper, if you can believe it!
While everyone else was going Elsa crazy, I decided to dress up as Anna. And then kill her. My love runs that deep. Anna of Arendelle is smart, plucky, and completely ordinary- at least, according to her, and that made me like her even more.
But… WHAT IF? What if, when Elsa struck her in the heart with her icy powers, and the trolls told her “An act of true love” would melt a Frozen heart…. what if it flat out didn’t work?
Frozen. Frickin’. Solid. Oh, and Olaf didn’t make it, either.
This look was easily created with white cream makeup mixed with blue eyeshadow, thick layers of cream makeup in my eyelashes and eyebrows, and swirls of darker blue and white
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The defiant youngest daughter of King Triton who had dreams that reached beyond possibility, yet still, she never gave up on them. Despite Sebastian’s warnings, she was still desperate to be where the people were, to have legs of her own. To walk. To dance.
What poor, unfortunate fate could befall upon our favorite mermaid friend?
WHAT IF? What if, when Ariel found out Ursula had tricked her, and had put Eric under a spell- when she jumped into the ocean to swim after his boat and stop the wedding, she never made it? Ariel may have always wanted legs, but she never learned to use them to swim. WHAT IF she sank to the bottom of the ocean to decay, never getting to Prince Eric in time to save him from marrying Ursula? There would be no happily ever after. Instead, there would be this
Are those barnacles on her face? Why yes. Yes they are. Along with scales- because magic can only go so far- and not only did Ariel rot on the ocean floor, but she changed back into a mermaid as well.
The look seems complicated (or so I’m told) but it was easy! We created the barnacles over the course of a few days using two things: liquid latex, and CHEERIOS! Yes, Cheerios! I found the easiest to use were the ones already stuck together in the box, and then dripping the latex over them, some in individual stacks, and some in clusters
Once they were stuck in place using a little more liquid latex, I used eyeshadow for a metallic look, and cream-based white paint to paint the barnacles to give them a crusty look I also drew on the scales one by one and filled them with some white paint and metallic eyeshadows in different shades of green, blue, and a little purple. Here’s a close up (after trick or treating and dinner- so there’s some wear & tear)
I. frickin’. love. Rapunzel. It’s the movie that got me back into Disney as an adult. She’s creative, funny, goofy, a little clumsy, brave, and resilient– even after being locked in a tower her entire life by Mother Gothel–she isn’t bitter.
A woman who knows what she wants and will not stop until she gets it, even if it means chartering into dangerous territory. She always tries to see the best in people, maybe when they might not deserve it, because she knows there is good in everyone.
A princess after my own heart
But… WHAT IF? In Disney’s Tangled, Rapunzel meets a thief named Flynn, who comes to be not only someone she cares for, but someone who could come back to save her from Mother Gothel once he found out that she is the lost princess, and Mother Gothel isn’t her mother at all, but an evil witch who kidnapped Rapunzel as a baby to keep her powers all for herself. What if, when Flynn enters back into the tower, only to be stabbed by Mother Gothel, instead of making the ultimate sacrifice for her by cutting of Rapunzel’s locks before she can use them to heal him, thereby freeing her from Mother Gothel forever, he missed, slashing her throat instead?
This deep slash would cause Rapunzel to quickly bleed out and die, leaving her unable to save Flynn with her hair, nor her tears (as she did in the movie).
They die just minutes apart, and Mother Gothel shrivels away to nothing. No one lives happily ever after.
This look was easy, yet frustratingly difficult to achieve! First, I started with face makeup–covering my face in a layer of grayish white face paint and setting it with translucent powder, and then darkening my lids, the places where dark circles naturally appear, and right around my nose with a mix of gray and purple and a little red. I also used bronzer with gray eyeshadow layered over it to hollow out my cheeks and nose. This gave my face the appearance of having zero life to it (I also call it the “tired mom”)
For the gaping neck wound, I went the Belle route and used a mix of toilet paper and regular ol’ Elmer’s glue to create the effects. Super sexy.
I used a “wound” kit I got from Spirit Halloween to bloody and bruise up the cut and surrounding area and then foundation to blend it into my skin. Was more difficult than Belle because the neck moves much more!
And now for the 2017 reveal!
We all know the story of Jasmine. A lonely princess locked away “for her protection” who longs to see more, to do more, to be more. She hates the thought of being tied down, of having to settle for ANYTHING, and bucks against tradition and what is expected of her at every chance.
Hard not to relate!
She sneaks into the marketplace where she luckily bumps into the “street rat” Aladdin, who, with his quick thinking, saves her from the palace guards. But really, she ends up saving him.
“Unhand him, by order of the princess!”
She’s strong-willed. She’s confident. She knows what she wants. She’s basically a bad-ass. And of course, she gets the Happily Ever After she deserves after she, Aladdin, Genie, and Abu defeat Jafar and take back the kingdom.
BUT WHAT IF…
When Jasmine walked into the marketplace to see what “normal” life was like and got caught “stealing” an apple- Aladdin doesn’t jump in to save her. He’s nowhere to be found.
Instead, as punishment, Jasmine has one hand chopped off and is sent to the dungeons.
With Jasmine out of the way, Jafar easily takes the throne for her father, the Sultan, and rules over Agrabah.
Despite all her screams for help, Jasmine is left to rot away in the dungeon until she starves to death. Alone.
Only Jafar lives happily ever after.
Let’s take a look at the makeup more closely:
When it came to killing off Jasmine, I had to really think about what being locked away in a dungeon would do to her. Not only would she lose color and volume from her face, but her lips would dry out and crack due to lack of water. I wanted to make sure to keep her signature winged eyeliner, but to make it realistic, made it run down her cheeks from tears- probably the last water she’d ever get.
I started by using a few layers of pale foundation and did the dramatic wings and signature thick eyebrows (if only I could keep those year round!) Then, I started putting gray under the cheekbones, into my collarbone and neck to make the bones really pop (just in case it showed!), and used burgundy, greens, and yellows around the eyes, mouth, and nose to make the bruising look realistic.
To create dried, cracked lips, I spread a layer of liquid latex over my lips, waited until it was almost dry, and moved my mouth around to naturally rip it up. To really intensify the effect, I took eyebrow scissors and tweezers and pulled apart the cracks, creating holes and big chunks missing. I then took different color red cream paints and lipsticks and painted in the holes and cracks to give them depth. (Ignore the liquid latex on the cheek–that look did not work so I removed it).
For the tears you see in photos above- I actually used activated charcoal (used for tooth whitening) and mixed it with water and let it drip down my face naturally.
BAM! Dead Jasmine
When you get the WHOLE family to theme with you
What do you think? Which is your favorite princess kill?? Who do you think NEXT year’s princess will be?
Yes, I already know. I AM PREPARED!
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Other moms: I finished Christmas shopping for my kids in June! Me: pic.twitter.com/FT3tlWGWd2
@CJPendragon learn something new every day!
@WeberWriting Absolutely. It takes a bit of time and juggling but it is 100% doable. Just have to ignore the sanctimommies of the world
Don't feel bad for tossing frozen chicken strips in the oven and calling it dinner. Don't even feel bad if you don't turn them over. holdinholden.com/2016/05/shit…
To the piece of crap who broke into my car over the weekend- You think you found nothing of value to steal, but you actually took with you the nasty head cold my family has been passing around in that very vehicle for the past week. Enjoy, scumbag! xoxo, Germ Infested SUV
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"