Some might refer to it as “seasonal depression”- but I just call it a funk. I’M IN A FUNK, Y’ALL. It’s crept into every little nook and cranny of my life and doesn’t seem to want to leave.
I think it’s safe to say that we all have periods in our lives, be they short or prolonged, where nothing seems to be going right. Or when it does, life has a good chuckle by smacking it right back into your face and telling you “Nope, stay down.” We also all know what it feels like to be in this slumpy funk, and to know that other people have it far worse, so you sort of feel like a total assbag for even feeling bad in the first place, which just makes you feel worse because you can’t change how you feel. WHEW. THAT WAS A LOT OF FEELS. Are you still following? I think you are.
For me, personally, this funk has me stuck. With my career. With where I want to go. I can’t seem to move. I’m always aiming for the next step, reaching for the next level, and for a few months now, I’ve been unable to get anywhere. It’s a horrible feeling– knowing where you want to go, but feeling like you can’t get there. Like nothing is working in your favor. Like all of your hard work is basically for nothing. It’s negative, and it’s not productive, but I realize it’s also natural to feel this way when you’ve hit a wall.
Could I try to hide my frustration and disappointment from my kids? I COULD… but my face won’t. It’s impossible. Not to mention the fact that I don’t mind them knowing about my struggles to some degree. I don’t need nor do I want them to think that I’m perfect. I don’t want them striving for perfection because they think their parents are. They need to know that I have struggles, and that I can make it through them, and their lives are going to have them, too.
I don’t want to sit here and preach to you about how things will get better. Just keep trying, keep your head up, keep plugging away. YOU KNOW ALL OF THESE THINGS. There’s no point in me cramming it down your throat if your eyeballs deep in life’s bullshit, so I won’t do it. But I do want to share something with you that my 8 year old said, because it hit me at just the right time, in just the right away.
My boys know all about my jobs, my triumphs, and my struggles, and they are very aware it’s been a rough time for me lately. The eight year old was questioning me on some things related to it and asked when I’d be, essentially, taking it to the next level. When I’d have enough followers/readers/viewers/fans to be attending events and things of that ilk. I responded with something along the lines of “I dunno… maybe soon… maybe never.” and with the most exasperated tone, he says “Don’t say things like that! Good things won’t happen when you don’t speak the good things!”
A) HOLY SHIT
B) HE’S RIGHT
C) WHEN DID HE GET SO SMART?
I fully believe that bitching can be good for the soul, and bottling it up is destructive to yourself– but negativity breeds negativity, y’all. When you speak too much negative, you think negative, and you feel negative. There is power in positive thinking, and positive speaking, and maybe, just maybe, while it’s good to be realistic, I should also try to be more optimistic every now and then.
It’s so weird when our spawn are more adult than we are.
Of course, this is the same kid who claimed he couldn’t eat salmon because it gives you “salmon-ella, DUH”- so his judgment may not always be 100% reliable, but I think he’s correct this time.
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