It wasn’t a sign of the apocalypse, but for me, it was pretty damn close.
On Saturday night, with no provocation, without losing a bet, or being sarcastic- I said, in mixed company, WHILE being recorded “I love cauliflower”.
I thought I’d be met with groans or disgust, but my friends actually agreed. In that moment, all I could think was “holy shit, when did we get so old?”
Could it be knowledge learned with time, because we know that rice is bloating and we can’t even look at certain foods without having to consider wearing a t-shirt in the pool and had to find a healthy replacement, or are our tastebuds actually dying because we are dying?
You may think that rolling out of bed and sounding like a wet bowl of Rice Krispies is one of the first signs, or maybe it’s the wrinkles, gray hairs, and/or the plethora of bills that come in my mail that should have been red flags everywhere, but you’d be wrong. Those are signs of aging, not getting old. Getting older is inevitable- and we’re lucky to be able to do so. BEING OLD is a mindset. We could control it, but we just don’t want to, because we’re old, and we want you to get the fuck off of our lawns.
I’m only two punches away from having an official “Old Folk” card. It comes with a discount on adult diapers and a discount on the first bingo card.
Here are 11 signs that you may be rounding the corner to the mental retirement home:
So how’d you do? Ready to collect your free bingo card and complimentary prune juice?
Best compliment you can give me is to tell me you hope your future kids turn out like mine. I mean, you're lying, but it's a nice compliment
Where you should be spending your Saturday night twitch.tv/holdinholden
How you win at parenting pic.twitter.com/vFxCsfqmh7