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It’s not the end of the World, Kids.

I’ve been wanting to sit down and write a new blog for a few days now, but I’ve been dealing with the coming apocalypse in my house, and it’s prevented me from any rational thought.

Frequent occurrences of the ground opening up and threatening to swallow us all. Yes, right in my own home! I wouldn’t believe it had I not seen it myself, but I speak only the truth. The only safe place in this whole house is the kids’ rooms, so, naturally, in order to protect them, they’ve been spending a lot of time there since this natural disaster began occurring.

I’ve documented these occurrences for scientific records, posterity, and for evidence once the rest of the world finally realizes what’s been going on, I can say “Hey, my kids knew it first! Here’s proof!”

Here are the ways the world has almost ended this week, according to my children:

One sat on the stool the other one wanted to sit on

One got a bigger piece of Nutty Bar than the other

It being bed time

One using a Lego block from something the other built a month ago and hasn’t touched since

His brother wouldn’t let him destroy his Lego car

We ran out of mustard

The waffle was too toasty

It’s lunch time

It’s not lunch time yet

They can’t have a snack 10 minutes before dinner

Babybels are too hard to open

His head wouldn’t go in his shirt’s arm hole

The cheese on his sandwich wasn’t melty enough

He has to take off his socks to put sandals on

He has to put socks on to wear shoes

We have to go grocery shopping

He didn’t know off the top of his head of Christmas this year is on a Wednesday

I told them to stop playing with Legos for five seconds and put some clothes on

I asked him to repeat himself

He tripped over a toy I told him to put away or someone was going to get hurt

He couldn’t decide what kind of meat he wanted in his taco

I said the words “it’s time to brush your teeth”

I said the words “we just argued about this last night”

I wouldn’t let him sleep in my bed

I moved him from my bed once I found him in it hours later

I didn’t DVR a show I didn’t know they wanted to watch

Onions

 

Hold on… wait… what’s that you’re saying? NONE of these things could cause life as we know it to cease? Not a single one of these things would cause the beginning of the apocalypse? Not a single one of these is reason at all to believe that it’s the end of the world?

CAN YOU TELL MY KIDS THAT? Thanks.

Posted on July 5, 2017 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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