THREE days. THREE days until the end of the school year here. I figured… the school system has fucked with me enough, the teachers are almost free, we should be in the clear! They should be relieved, just ready to get it over with. Get out clean. Get out relatively unscathed. Just pop on a movie and give the kids some popcorn and ride these last few days out.
For me, it means I’m at the days of no more fuckery! No more minivan mafia trying to run me over, or judgy grandparents making condescending comments about how I look.
No more PTA meetings disguised as “concerts”. No more calls from the teacher telling me that my kid hasn’t turned in his homework for two damn weeks. No more waking up at 7 in the damn morning to drag my kids to school. No more picking them up in the afternoon when there are NO spots left, and some turd with a brand new car decided to take up the final 2 that remain.
Yes, it means 3 months of my kids bitching, whining, complaining, and fighting, and I probably won’t get to sleep in any later, but it’s at least a relief not to deal with school shenanigans.
The first red flag that these last three days were not going to go as swimmingly as I’d hoped should have been when I heard that they were half days. This means release at 11:30am. This means no lunch served, and crapping all over my day to stop and go and get them at an awkward time, only to come home and have to feed them both. I spent a lot of time bitching about this to pretty much everyone I know. What’s even the point of going? There’s zero time for learning, not that any learning gets done in the last week of school. There’s not really even enough time to sit down and let the kids zonk out to a movie. So WHY? What purpose do these half days serve other than to make the parents adjust their entire days around them? (and I’m sure there is a logical reason according to teachers and administration, but let’s not muddy my rant with logic!)
I don’t have a problem with the school system. I think they do a fine job for the most part, but I’m gonna bitch about shit that disrupts life for seemingly no reason. I’m gonna bitch a lot, because it makes me feel better, and makes me less likely to play bumper cars in the school parking lot. I’m gonna bitch as much as humanly possible… but I’m still gonna do it, because what choice do I have?
My whole day rearranged around pickup. I did a shorter workout, a faster shower, I drank my coffee while I put on my makeup and dry shampooed the fuck out of my hair. Pretty sure I drank some of that. I didn’t even get to watch some of my favorite Netflix shows while I write (brain food!) Instead, I sat in silence, trying to get a little work done before having to rush out the door.
Red flag #2 should have been when I got to school and didn’t see any of the other parents walking in like I usually do. I didn’t have to fight for a parking spot, or curse about the twat taking up two spaces. It was completely unsettling.
Red flag #3 should have been when I got to the lunch room and kids were eating lunch. When they shouldn’t have been eating lunch. And when a little boy said to me “Parker’s right in there!”
The only thing in this damn hallway other than me and random crotchfruit is a pile of peas and carrots I legitimately can’t tell whether have been thrown angrily or puked up.
After waiting for a few minutes and still seeing no other parents, I walk back toward the office, all while Googling what the hell time kids get out during half days. Wouldn’t you know it, I can’t find a single. damn. thing. Just that these 3 days are shortened. The hell?
If you ask me why all of these red flags didn’t add up to something being wrong, I have no idea other than to blame having to cram my entire day into 3.5 hours. It wasn’t until I walked into the office and ASKED what time dismissal was, and was told “It’s at 1:20” that it finally clicked. I’d arrived two stupid hours early. BUT HOW?
Oh. Right. Because the school was getting in one last throat punch, and today wasn’t a “half day”, it was an “early dismissal”, and they never thought to really specify between those two things, they just expected us tired, end of the year, already exhausted parents to know this somehow.
Back home, only to wait two hours, nearly forget what time “early dismissal” was, rush out the door, fight the minivan mafia, and wait 20 minutes just to get out of the parking lot because NO ONE EVER LETS YOU BACK OUT.
I always thought the best part of the school year was the beginning. FINALLY summer is over. FINALLY I get my house back. FINALLY I don’t have an audience when I pee, or people bothering me as soon as I sit down, or picking apart the lunch I make them as soon as I give it to them. School usually means I get my house back. But school also means I have to deal with school, and all the BS that comes along with it.
Which is better? The peace and quiet of having an empty house? Of your kids spending the day bugging someone else? Or, is it the day you don’t have to deal with drop off, pick up, homework hell, PTA Pirates, Minivan Mafias, and parent teacher conferences?
No… I’m seriously asking… because I have no damn idea anymore.
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8
When you think your kid is done telling a story and you're finally free but they immediately start telling another pic.twitter.com/zM5gtwNCnj
I-Spy on road trips DOES. NOT. WORK. Here's my "traveling with kids in cars" survival guide holdinholden.com/2017/08/road…
Roads trips with Kids–Here’s what you REALLY need goo.gl/fb/yj96Mw
@selfmademummy I'd explode if I tried
"Motherhood-- the days are long but the years are short" Wrong. The days are long but the SLEEP is short.
If you enjoy working hard to prep a delicious meal only to be told "I'm definitely going to hate that" before it's served, you'll love kids.
it's what I like to call "Resting Mom Face" pic.twitter.com/DmFPcSIZjR