It was something my mom strived for my entire childhood, but never succeeded. It was the thing I swore, when I became a mom, that I would actually achieve.
COOL MOM STATUS
The mom other moms wanted to be. The mom with the house all the kids wanted to go to. The mom everyone thought was awesome. Not the minivan driving soccer mom. Not the mom jean wearing frump. THE MOM OF ALL MOMS! I wanted it all.
I don’t want that anymore.
Look, it isn’t like I wouldn’t take the honor if it were bestowed upon me. I totally would. Being a “Cool Mom” would be awesome, but aiming for it, striving for it, trying to be something other than just myself– and who that is varies from day to day– is too much work on top of everything else I have to do, none of which is “cool”.
I’m a mom who tries not to use “no” as every other word.
I’m a mom who looks for missing patience just about as often as I look for missing socks.
I’m a mom who hates crafting. And sports. And the park.
I’m a mom who tolerates playdates only so my kids stop bothering me all the time.
I’m a mom who tries to schedule these playdates anywhere but at my house.
I’m a mom who yells, and curses, and doesn’t feel a hell of a lot of shame over it
I’m a mom who may or may not have considered selling her kids on the black market a time or twenty
I’m a mom who also may or may not have searched for holy water on this black market
I’m a mom who isn’t currently concerned with raising future world leaders, but humans who PUT DOWN THE TOILET SEAT AFTER FLUSHING
I’m a mom who some days counts the minutes until the kids go to bed
I’m a mom who is not at all above bribery
I’m a mom who has legitimately considered running away and joining the traveling circus.
Mostly, I’m just me. It doesn’t really matter to me if my kids think I’m “cool”. I’ll consider myself cool if I raise decent human beings who are polite to strangers, don’t litter, and yeah, if they put the frickin’ toilet seat down.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times