Since I’ve had kids, my reaction to cancelled plans can usually be summed up in one word. An exclamation, really. A feeling. an overabundance of joy summed up by 3 letters:
There was really no greater feeling than knowing you don’t have to prepare not only yourself, but your kids, to go out for some things you really didn’t want to do all that much anyway. People say the older you get, the more excited you get about cancelled plans, but I don’t think it’s age. I think it’s preferring lazing about rather than trying to corral your insane children in public. It’s not having to get them ready, think about what they need, what you need, what everyone needs. Being on time. Worrying about someone having to potty. Trying to FIND a potty. Worrying about snacks and drinks and blah blah fucking blah, the bajillion things you worry about as a parent when you’re not in the comfort of your own home. You’d just rather stay in the comfort of your own home, am I right?
No having to put on pants, or makeup, or brush your hair. No having to pick out clothes for the kids or keeping them from getting food or boogers on them. No having to have patience because there are witnesses present. You can just be you. And not even the best version of you. The grossest, laziest version of you. You can pick your nose, couch surf, eat an entire bag of chips. None of these things you could do if other people were around.
Well, okay, technically that’s not true. You COULD do all of these things, but they’re likely to get you some weird looks and possibly a few phone calls.
It’s not that I hate leaving the house. I’m not a hermit, or agoraphobic. I do things all the time. I enjoy things outside the 4 walls of my house. Hell, my house can drive me crazy from time to time, but more often than not, I just prefer the relaxation in knowing that I don’t have to do anything. That I have no obligations other than to keep everyone in this house alive. SO, when I get that phone call telling me I can do exactly what I like to do most days- which is nothing- I breathe a sigh of relief.
OKAY KIDS. YOU DON’T HAVE TO PUT PANTS ON!
One less fight to have that day.
I was wrong in my line of thinking that had me believing ALL the best plans were cancelled plans, because this morning, after I’d been waiting weeks to get my hair done, I got a message from my hair stylist informing me she was sick and would need to reschedule my appointment.
Hair appointments are my ME time. My time to get away from life. To just sit and do nothing but gossip and read trashy magazines and NOT listen to my kids bitching about everything. It’s one of the only plans I make I actually look forward to, and when they get cancelled, it’s awful. It’s horrible. I then find myself sitting on the couch vegging out, which any other day I would relish every moment of, feeling angry and sad.
My life can really be summed up in two reactions.
There is no in between.
Does anyone else feel this way??
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times