Last night, I picked up my phone for what must have been the 50th time to check the date, and realized something. Not only was it past midnight, but that meant it was February 24th.
“Huh.” I looked over at my husband, “do you know what today is?”
He frinkled his eyebrows. “Yes.”
It’s not like I’d forgotten. I knew it was coming up, but with sick kids and sick me and due dates and everything else chaotic that went on this week, I guess it got away from me.
Don’t worry, there’s nothing to panic about. I didn’t forget to get gifts or make plans– that’s not really something we do. I just have this strange sense of it feeling like far longer, and far shorter than 10 years at the same time.
Some days, I can predict absolutely everything he says and the way he chews makes me want to fucking scream, and other days he’s surprising me with tacos and we spend the night laughing our asses off like the olden days.
The strange sense is also present because after a full fucking decade, I feel like I should have some kind of sage marriage wisdom to pass on to the younger folk, the newlyweds, the engageds, the “thinking about becoming engageds”, or even those wondering if they will make it to their own 10 year anniversary.
Thing is…. I got nothin’. All this time plunked into this marriage, and I have no wise, sage, old-married type advice to pass down. I don’t know how to make a marriage last. Or how to keep things “spicy”. Or if you should or shouldn’t go to therapy. Or really anything that people ask for advice on. I really don’t! I’m totally clueless.
What I DO have are random tidbits that kept me from smothering my husband (and possibly vice-versa), and I guess something that keeps me out of hideous prison orange is worth sharing, so, here are my marriage “tips” (though calling them that is kind of a stretch)- take’em or leave’em.
–Bottling shit up doesn’t help. Seriously. They won’t know if you don’t tell them. If you need to yell, have at it. No marriage is happy all the time unless there’s some Stepford shit going on.
–Piggybacking on that thought: HINTS DON’T WORK. Even though the man has known me most of my adult life, even though he knows me pretty damn well, hinting about things I want doesn’t get me what I want from my husband. If I’m not direct, I don’t get shit. This never changes.
–The most pointless argument you can possibly have is over where to eat. When in doubt- tacos.
–Having kids will totally bring you closer together, but it WILL NOT FIX ANYTHING. In fact, kids make marriage ten times harder.
–People tell you that “you should never go to bed angry.” Wrong. You can totally go to bed angry. Hell, sometimes I quite enjoy angry sleeps.
–Most importantly: your marriage doesn’t have to look like ANYONE else’s. That’s why it’s YOURS. What works for someone else may not work for you. Never try to force, or emulate, or guilt yourself because your relationship with your spouse isn’t as “perfect” as you think someone else’s is. They aren’t you. You aren’t them. You’ll never be. Do your own damn thing.
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