Any time I get an idea of something to write about, before I sit down and type out the thoughts in my head onto my computer screen, I have a moment of pause. I find myself wondering–
Is this going to make me sound like a whiny bitch?
I’ve had plenty of people, family members included, whisper behind my back about how “mean” I am, how I sound “ungrateful”, how I should post more “loving” things, how they “don’t understand” me. I don’t really give two floating farts in space about any of that. What I never want is to come off as something I am not. I want to be clear in what I think, why I think it, why I’m writing it.
It’s this innate, almost cosmic feeling I think most parents get these days before posting anything online (especially moms, because let’s be honest)
“Who’s going to take this the wrong way?”
“Oh geez, I know so and so is going to disagree”
“Do I REALLY want to post this?”
You just know, deep down, someone is out there WAITING to shit on your opinion. WAITING to criticize you. WAITING to one-up, disregard, or mommy-jack your post.
You KNOW you’re going to be judged, one way or another, no matter what you do.
Over eight years of publicly putting my opinion out there, telling my stories, basically letting it all hang out and taking all kinds of heat, and still I continue, and still, in the back of my mind, I think “is this going to make me sound like a whiny bitch?”
Occasionally there’s a “what will my kids think in a few years if they ever see this?”
And a rare “maybe I should be more positive.”
The whole reason I started my blog, why I continued it for so long no matter what anyone said, was because I lived in a world where you couldn’t say a single negative thing about your kids or you were automatically labeled a “bad” parent. I was sick of it. I knew my feelings weren’t negative- they were real. I didn’t, don’t and will never understand why people pretend parenthood is some magical paradise where dog shit is made from chocolate and nothing ever goes wrong. To shame people for talking about the not so pretty parts is to force them to internalize totally natural feelings, and in the end, only makes them feel worse– when really what we should be doing is normalizing REAL parenting. The truth, no matter how ugly.
No, there’s nothing wrong with sharing the great things your kids have done, or announcing to the world how much you love them, but there’s also nothing wrong with having a shit day and expressing it. You’re looking for someone to relate to. You’re looking to vent. You’re just looking to speak what’s on your mind- whether it be perceived as positive or negative- without the sanctimommy police jumping down your throat about it.
Don’t stop. Don’t let anyone shame you. The less we talk about it, the more taboo it becomes to talk about, and I refuse to go back there.
Are your kids being assholes? Say it. Did you lock yourself in a closet and drink wine straight from the box because they were driving you insane? Let’s laugh about it together. Do you look forward to them going to bed so you can finally unwind? ME TOO.
Talk about it. Talk about it openly. Tell the truth. Hell, tell your KIDS the truth. They’ll grow up to be less of an asshole, and you’ll spend less time pulling your hair out. Maybe not less time drinking wine out of the box, but less time tearing your hair out, and trust me, that time you’ll save is so worth it.
As for the pearl clutching judgy biddies? They will always be there. They will always be whispering. They will always be talking shit with their bitter biddy friends. But hopefully, the talking will turn to whispers the more we become confident yelling the truth.
STOP SAYING PARENTHOOD IS A CAKE WALK. IT ISN’T. IT’S HARD. KIDS ARE ASSHOLES. WE LOVE THEM, BUT THEY’RE ASSHOLES. IT’S OKAY TO ADMIT IT. BITCHING FEELS GOOD.
There. Don’t you feel better now? I sure as hell do.
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