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The Twelve Days of Christmas Break- An Ode to Parents

I know there aren’t 12 days of Christmas Break for everyone’s kids, but around here, it’s weirdly exact. SO exact that I decided I had to write a little ode to all the parents bearing through it with me to the well-known (and much cringe-worthy) tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas.

SO, sing along with me! Or cringe along with me. Whichever.

On the first day of Christmas Break my children gave to me– a migraine the size of a tree.

On the second day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
TWO clogged toilets,
and a migraine the size of a tree (it just keeps growing, I swear).

On the third day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
and a gross cup of cold coffee

On the fourth day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
FOUR destroyed rooms
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
and zero time alone to go pee

On the fifth day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
FIVE broken things (seriously, I’m not even sure what they broke. I’m afraid to look)
FOUR destroyed rooms
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
and the loss of all my sanity

On the sixth day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
SIX “I’m bored”s
FIVE broken things (honestly just hoping it’s their own crap)
FOUR destroyed rooms
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
and a sink full of dishes for me

On the seventh day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
SEVEN time outs
SIX “I’m bored”s
FIVE broken things (I don’t get up unless it’s for the smell of smoke)
FOUR destroyed rooms
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
And wishing it were January

On the eighth day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
EIGHT loads of laundry
SEVEN time outs
SIX “I’m bored”s
FIVE broken things (one of them is my will to live)
FOUR destroyed rooms
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
And wishing I were day drinking

On the ninth day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
NINE brand new gray hairs
EIGHT loads of laundry
SEVEN time outs
SIX “I’m bored”s
FIVE broken things (we used to have a pocket door that worked)
FOUR destroyed rooms
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
And constant ear-ringing

On the tenth day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
TEN empty wrappers (how do they eat so much in such a short period of time??)
NINE brand new gray hairs
EIGHT loads of laundry
SEVEN time outs
SIX “I’m bored”s
FIVE broken things (I give up)
FOUR destroyed rooms
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
And enough stress to make me want to scream

On the eleventh day of Christmas Break my children gave to me–
ELEVEN dirty dishes
TEN empty wrappers
NINE brand new gray hairs
EIGHT loads of laundry
SEVEN time outs
SIX “I’m bored”s
FIVE broken things
FOUR destroyed rooms
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
And a left up toilet seat

On the twelfth day of Christmas Break my children gave to me—
Nothing. I have nothing left. Sweet angel of death take me now!
ELEVEN dirty dishes
TEN empty wrappers
NINE brand new gray hairs
EIGHT loads of laundry
SEVEN time outs
SIX “I’m bored”s
FIVE broken things
FOUR destroyed rooms
THREE whiny tantrums
TWO clogged toilets
And enough memories to haunt my dreams

 

Seriously. Save me.

Posted on December 23, 2016 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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