If you don’t drink coffee- this blog obviously does not apply to you. I bow to your non-coffee ways.
Coffee does not own my life, but I do feel like my life would be different without coffee. And NOT in a good way.
Personing is hard enough. Personing without coffee is awful. Personing without coffee and having to deal with kids is… well… torture.
No, I’m not addicted to caffeine. I don’t even think I’m addicted to coffee. I just know that coffee does glorious things for my life that nothing else could do–especially when it comes to managing children.
It’s kind of like sleep- it’s pretty essential to my survival, and when I don’t get it- I turn into stark-raving lunatic.
Does this sound dramatic to you? OR, are people always telling you that they don’t understand why you “need” coffee? Do they tell you it can’t be THAT great? That you could stand to go without? Ha. HAHA I say to them! HAHA I say to the naysayers!
Allow me to detail all the ways coffee betters a mom’s life–
You might not like people after you’re done drinking coffee, but you’ll feel better about not liking people
It’s probably one of the only things your kids DON’T ask you to share, because they know it ain’t happening. MINE.
It makes you poop, so now you have a valid excuse to go to the bathroom and avoid your kids. Also, pooping is good for you.
It helps ease/cure headaches (typically caused by whiny kids & naggy spouses)
It is the ONE time during the day where you can sit down, and anything anyone asks of you (that isn’t life-threatening) you can say “Just wait until I finish my coffee and I’ll deal with that.”
Coffee might not really perk me up the way I’d like. It might not be the holy grail of beverages (though I’m sure some people would argue that it is) but it’s my BUFFER. My buffer from going full Mean-Mommy. My buffer from over-doing it. My buffer from stress. My buffer from falling asleep. From getting constipated. From sending my kids to their rooms forever. My buffer from life. It’s just mine, ALL MINE–one of the only “all mine” things I have these days, and for that reason alone, it is glorious, but add in the reasons above and it is absolutely necessary.
So next time someone tells you coffee ain’t all that and a bag of donuts- you show them this, and make yourself another cup.
Frying pans. Who knew, right? pic.twitter.com/usSQcFGpmI
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8