I thought I had more time. More time to prepare. More time to think it over. At least 5 more years should have been allowed before this happened. My world is spinning. My mind is reeling. How could this be my life now? How could I have been so blind to how it all played out? I wasn’t ready! Maybe I wasn’t ever going to be, but I never had the chance to really come to terms with it before it happened. WHY? WHY ME?? WHY NOW? HOW DID IT COME TO THIS??
I opened the door and all I found was emptiness. Cold, dark, emptiness.
Because my kids ATE ALL THE FOOD.
They’re not teenagers. They aren’t going through puberty. They don’t need the extra fuel you do when you’re growing like a mofo and sprouting hair in weird places. They are 9 and 7. I understand a love of snacks. I LOVE SNACKS. Snacks are amazing! But we go shopping multiple times per week. We spend a stupid amount of money on food. We are constantly stocked to the brim with fruits, veggies, crackers, other random crap we picked up along the way. Yet, still, every other day I hear the pantry door creak open, shortly followed by a whiny voice yelling through the house “THERE’S NOTHING TO EAT!”
HOW DO SUCH LITTLE HUMANS EAT SO MUCH FOOD? WHERE DO THEY PUT IT? Do I have extra family members I don’t know about? Are the sock elves really food elves? Have house mice become intelligent super-beings and learned to steal food from my pantry? DID THE DOGS DO IT? HOW DID THEY MANAGE WITHOUT OPPOSABLE THUMBS? HOW?!
All these years I spent thinking I should be putting money into a college fund when the REAL money should go into a snack fund, because if this is how rabid they are as children, once they’re teens I’m totally boned.
Heed my warning: Start saving now!
@anninabyrne He mentioned something about penis trampolines. I don't even know.
My 10 yo didn't know that Dick is short for Richard so he's spent the past 10 yrs thinking Dick's Sporting Goods is a store for penis sports
8yo told me that Oct 31st is "national knock-knock joke day"- which means Halloween will henceforth be known as "The Most Annoying Day Ever"
@SassyPsychDoc "It seemed like a good idea at the time"
@SassyPsychDoc I fact-checked him myself. Someone was seriously sleeping on the job that day
Thought my 8yo was lying when he said that a male woodchuck is a he-chuck & a female is a she-chuck.Nope. If I have to know that, so do you!
Sometimes advice from our kids is EXACTLY what we need to hear. Been a rough few months & what my 8yo said hit home holdinholden.com/2017/10/winn…
10yo: What is calculus? Me: It's you + me = us Husband: get out. #oldpeoplejokes
Bravery AND confidence pic.twitter.com/voqjVXWgZx