I’m going to try to keep this short and to the point, because I’m sure there are people riled up about the title of this blog, and I don’t want my message to be lost in my words.
There are two things that are automatically assumed of you once a child comes flying out of your vagina.
1. That you will instantly love your child
2. That you will instantly love being a mother
One for me was true. Two for me was not.
For some people, becoming a mother is the fruition of a life-long dream. It’s their purpose in life. It fulfills them completely.
For many, it doesn’t. I’m one of those people.
Ever since bringing my kids home, I’ve always felt an incredible amount of love for them. They’re awesome little humans. I enjoy spending time with them, watching them grow- but I’m forever getting the question (especially since I have this blog)- “Don’t you just LOVE being a mom?” and my answer is never what people are expecting.
I know- it sounds awful. How can I be MEH about motherhood? It’s not because they tore my vagina in half, and I have zero regrets about my choice to have them. Still, I’m sure I sound ungrateful to some, uncaring to others. Neither of those are true. I’m grateful for my children. I’m thankful to be able to be a stay at home mom and raise them. But the assumption that if we say we don’t particularly LIKE motherhood, it automatically makes us “bad” is wrong. It’s not bad. It’s just true.
Mommin’ ain’t easy. Yes, I just typed that.
It’s tough to even put it into words without either making myself feel bad about my own feelings, and/or knowing people are going to take it the wrong way.
I spent years thinking I was just a crap mom, or defective. Maybe it’s because I didn’t understand it… or I just didn’t want to admit it to myself because of all the expectations lumped on top of moms to always be motherly, warm, patient, do it all with a smile on your face– I just don’t totally LOVE being a mom. I don’t! It doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. It doesn’t mean my kids get any less love, or a mom who doesn’t put in any effort. It doesn’t mean I sit around wishing I was doing something else. I don’t. My kids have an awesome life. We’re all very happy. Being a mom just isn’t my thing. Maybe I just wasn’t cut out for it. I fully believe there are women who are meant to be mothers, and others who aren’t. Some of these women who are meant to be mothers choose not to have them, and some who aren’t do. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mom- but I became one, and I do it every day, because I love my kids, and they deserve an awesome mom, so I’m gonna give them that. It doesn’t mean I have to walk around telling everyone how wonderful it is.
It just means I refuse to fake it when someone questions me about it. It’s not awesome–not all the time. It’s tough. And it’s exhausting. And it’s frustrating. And it wears on you, not just your patience, but on you as a person. I knew it would be tough, I’m not complaining. Perhaps I just thought I’d love the whole crazy process. I was wrong. It’s not my niche. I don’t excel at it. I struggle, and I stress, and I’m tired and irritable. I like it a lot of the time–I just DON’T love it. It’s wrong to think that we HAVE to.
Real talk–being a mom is crappy. It sucks pretty damn often. It’s not meant to be rainbows and butterflies and realistically, no one can be happy ALL THE TIME. So while I might not love every moment of motherhood, what I know is that it’s totally worth it.
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