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I Love my Kids, but I DON’T Love Being a Mom

loveblog

I’m going to try to keep this short and to the point, because I’m sure there are people riled up about the title of this blog, and I don’t want my message to be lost in my words.

 

There are two things that are automatically assumed of you once a child comes flying out of your vagina.

1. That you will instantly love your child
2. That you will instantly love being a mother

One for me was true. Two for me was not.

For some people, becoming a mother is the fruition of a life-long dream. It’s their purpose in life. It fulfills them completely.
For many, it doesn’t. I’m one of those people.

Ever since bringing my kids home, I’ve always felt an incredible amount of love for them. They’re awesome little humans. I enjoy spending time with them, watching them grow- but I’m forever getting the question (especially since I have this blog)- “Don’t you just LOVE being a mom?” and my answer is never what people are expecting.

Meh.

I know- it sounds awful. How can I be MEH about motherhood? It’s not because they tore my vagina in half, and I have zero regrets about my choice to have them. Still, I’m sure I sound ungrateful to some, uncaring to others. Neither of those are true. I’m grateful for my children. I’m thankful to be able to be a stay at home mom and raise them. But the assumption that if we say we don’t particularly LIKE motherhood, it automatically makes us “bad” is wrong. It’s not bad. It’s just true.

Mommin’ ain’t easy. Yes, I just typed that.

It’s tough to even put it into words without either making myself feel bad about my own feelings, and/or knowing people are going to take it the wrong way.

I spent years thinking I was just a crap mom, or defective. Maybe it’s because I didn’t understand it… or I just didn’t want to admit it to myself because of all the expectations lumped on top of moms to always be motherly, warm, patient, do it all with a smile on your face– I just don’t totally LOVE being a mom. I don’t! It doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. It doesn’t mean my kids get any less love, or a mom who doesn’t put in any effort. It doesn’t mean I sit around wishing I was doing something else. I don’t. My kids have an awesome life. We’re all very happy. Being a mom just isn’t my thing. Maybe I just wasn’t cut out for it. I fully believe there are women who are meant to be mothers, and others who aren’t. Some of these women who are meant to be mothers choose not to have them, and some who aren’t do. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mom- but I became one, and I do it every day, because I love my kids, and they deserve an awesome mom, so I’m gonna give them that. It doesn’t mean I have to walk around telling everyone how wonderful it is.

It just means I refuse to fake it when someone questions me about it. It’s not awesome–not all the time. It’s tough. And it’s exhausting. And it’s frustrating. And it wears on you, not just your patience, but on you as a person. I knew it would be tough, I’m not complaining. Perhaps I just thought I’d love the whole crazy process. I was wrong. It’s not my niche. I don’t excel at it. I struggle, and I stress, and I’m tired and irritable. I like it a lot of the time–I just DON’T love it. It’s wrong to think that we HAVE to.

Real talk–being a mom is crappy. It sucks pretty damn often. It’s not meant to be rainbows and butterflies and realistically, no one can be happy ALL THE TIME. So while I might not love every moment of motherhood, what I know is that it’s totally worth it.

Posted on October 6, 2016 by Holdin' Holden 3 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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3 Comments

  • Hi there,
    I just wanted to say that I’m totally with you. My kids are 17 and 10 and I thought I would eventually turn out like other moms and I’m NOT. But you know what? I don’t want to be. I am as good as a mom as I can be. They lack for nothing, they don’t miss out and they love me as much as I love them well…I think I love them more especially on the days that I totally restrain myself from running away. I mean that’s love…isn’t it hahah anyways, your not alone and I totally understand.
    Thanks for your honesty

  • I hear your message loud and clear through your words. I’ve tried to explain it but I think you did a pretty damn good job. I have a 3 year old son. I love him more then life and I do everything and would do anything for him. But, your right. I don’t enjoy being a mom. It’s crappy and stressful and sucks a lot. Sometimes you feel as though u can’t breath and just need to get some air! You lose who you are or were as an individual and that is difficult to accept bc you don’t get the break to “take it all in”, it’s 24/7 all day And all night. Your expected to no longer care about your needs. But, to be an effective parent I believe we do need to care about our needs. I have my time outs for myself which helps refresh but you never regain who you use to be. I’m glad I have my son and wouldn’t change that. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t morn the person I was. Thinking about memories… it also doesn’t mean I don’t wish my life had more- fulfillment on a personal level. As though somethings missing. Thanks for being brave enough to write that! I may be a new mom, but I get it. And people, please stop telling me how much I’ll miss it when they are older. Sure I will, but right now, I kinda wish it just speed up a little bit!

  • Brianna,

    I just wanted to pop in to let you know not to listen to those who say you’ll miss it when their older.

    Mine are 17 & 10 and sure when I see babies/toddlers I get the typical aww feelings and the remember when’s and the where did the time go feelings BUT then
    I remember the sleepless nights, the not being able to shit or have a bath in peace, the temper tantrums and my house never being clean etc etc etc.

    I am greatful that they are growing up, not because they are one step closer to the door but because I can talk to them, reason with them and not feel guilty for yelling at them to clean up after themselves bc they actually can now.

    All I can say is put the hard work in now for disapline etc and it truly does make things easier when their older.

    Hang in there☺