Sitting in a room full of women, which is super odd for me, I heard one of the fellow moms say something that actually resonated with me
She was talking about running out the door to get to whatever errand on no particular day and grabbing “the sweater”
What is the sweater, you might be wondering? The one you grab without a second thought and throw on to run out the door. it’s your go to, to toss on over pajamas so no one knows you’re wearing pajamas in the school drop off line. The one, where you aren’t quite sure when the last time you washed it is, but you don’t care because it’s comfortable.
No, she didn’t say any of those things, but I know that’s what she meant, and I knew because I HAVE ONE!
That got me thinking, which is always dangerous– are there any other things that all moms have? That are go-tos? That make us all weirdly, freakishly alike?
The answer is YES. OH MY GRODY CARDIGAN, YES! FIVE things, in fact. Actually, probably more than that, but who has times for long lists?
1. THE CARDIGAN. Or sweatshirt. Or hoodie. It’s there, it’s comfy, it’s kinda funky, but it’s yours.
2. THE SHOES. They might be crusty old flip flops. They might be worn down flats, or a pair of off-smelling, yet oddly comfortable boots. They’re the ones you slide on along with the trusted cardigan. They’re also the ones the kids end up shoving on their stinky feet when you
force ask them to help bring in the groceries.
3. THE HIDING SPOT. Don’t pretend you don’t know it by heart. The one place in the house that either takes the longest for your kids to figure out where you are, or the one that is the best at drowning them out. Mine’s the upstairs bathroom. If only it had a fart fan to REALLY drown out their screaming.
4. THE HIDING SPOT. No, I’m not repeating myself. I haven’t gone THAT crazy. I mean the hiding spot for the things we don’t want the kids, or the husbands to find. The ONE place we know we can put the good chocolate, the good snacks, the special ice cream, without anyone ever finding it. Box of tampons? Suitcase in the back of the closet? Place where you used to hide Christmas presents but the kids know about so you found a new place so you hide the chocolate in the old place because who’s EVER going to check there? Honestly, I better stop before I give all of our secrets away.
5. THE FAVORITE. I see you shaking your head, liar! We ALL have a favorite child. ALL OF US. Mine changes by the hour, or by who flushed their mega-turd after using the bathroom, or who didn’t put an empty cereal box back in the fucking pantry, or who sleeps in later- but I always have a favorite. NO SHAME.
May your LulaRoe catch on fire if you deny any of the above!
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
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Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
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When you think your kid is done telling a story and you're finally free but they immediately start telling another pic.twitter.com/zM5gtwNCnj