The logical part of my brain had me convinced that, once the kids started school, we’d all get a much-needed, long-waited break from each other, and the high level of a-hole contained within the four walls of my home the past few months would dissipate. At least enough to make each other tolerable. This is why I don’t use the logical part of my brain very often these days–it was wrong.
I have to think it’s trying to get back on strict schedules, new classes, teachers, and classmates, plus all of the deadlines coming at me like a freight train and Thomas’s long work hours that are putting us all on edge and draining our already skint patience down below the red line. Seeing that we were on the edge of imploding on ourselves, drastic measures needed to be taken. And by drastic, I mean lazy. Very, very lazy measures.
After all of our obligations were out of the way (which wasn’t until about 1am on Friday night/Saturday morning), I pretty much said- screw any plans we had this weekend. They’re not that important. We’re all exhausted, we all deserve a LAZY WEEKEND! Yes, genius! A weekend full of doing nothing but vegging, watching movies, reading, whatever we want to die with no real time limits or restrictions, or places we have to be. Studies say (and I don’t know which studies, but I know they’re out there somewhere if you’re desperate for confirmation I am still currently too lazy to dig up, and you’ll find out why that is in a moment) that having a lazy day is actually incredibly beneficial to your health and mental well-being. Your body NEEDS that day to unwind, to de-stress, to not worry about every little thing that may not be going perfectly around you. Even if there weren’t studies, it totally makes sense to me.
We woke up late (for us. I haven’t “slept in” in a solid 9 1/2 years), had a relaxing breakfast, and when the kids asked what the plans were for the day, gleefully replied “NOTHING!”
No rules! Well… some rules… but yeah! Nowhere to be! Nothing to do! No worries, no cares–just relax, have fun, unwind.
What I wanted to do was to come here on this little blog of mine and be able to tell you that LAZY WEEKEND was the answer to all of our parental tears. That the red alert a-hole level was lowered to a yellow, and we started this week fresh, bright eyed and bushy-tailed like f’ing squirrels.
Does anything EVER go that smoothly when it comes to kids? HAHA. HAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA no.
My kids had all the reasonable freedom in the world, and here’s what they did instead of taking full advantage of lazy weekend:
-Fought over Legos
-Fought over snacks
-Fought over what to watch on TV
-Fought over what movie to watch
-Cried about the movie selection
-When they got to watch the movie they wanted, talked through the whole thing, or left the room
-Complained about being bored
-Complained about not wanting to go anywhere
-Complained about the other one “wiggling his wiener” in their face
-Refused to change out of pajamas, and then complained because I didn’t get them daytime clothes
-Complained there was nothing good to eat, even though we just went to the store and they LITERALLY HAND-PICKED ALL THE SNACKS
-Complained about dinner when they’d just eaten lunch, after complaining about lunch
-Yelled at each other for sitting too close together when they weren’t even on the same couch
-Crying. For no reason. Pretty sure they’re pregnant (please note, they are 9 & 6 year old boys)
-General douchebaggery after I list the hundreds of things they have the freedom to do around the house
-Even more douchebaggery when I tell them if they’re so “bored”, I can most certainly come up with some chores for them to do
By the end of “lazy” weekend, did I feel at all relaxed or refreshed? No. I was so exhausted that I ended up going to bed early like a proper pooped out old parent.
I’m pretty sure that no matter what you do, kids are just going to be a-holey tyrants until they’re old enough to move out, and by that point, you’re so tired that you forget about the fact that THEY are the reason you are so tired, and instead, spend your empty-nesting days romanticizing when they were little and telling the younger parents to “cherish it while they’re young!”- meanwhile, the younger parents are knee-deep in back-sass and shit and look at you like “THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???”
Or maybe that’s just my weary brain talking.
The only way a “lazy” weekend with kids would work is if you lock them in their rooms…. which, you have to admit, is totally tempting.
Frying pans. Who knew, right? pic.twitter.com/usSQcFGpmI
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8