Parenthood is not at all what I thought it’d be. And I don’t mean in that “I didn’t know how tired I’d be, but how full my heart would be” way. EW. STOP. NO.
What I mean is that we all walk through the birth canal of parenthood and get absolutely blindsided with bitch-slaps of reality. We have these big, huge, Hallmark-esque fantasies of every single aspect of raising children, and do ANY of them match up? I mean…. Yeah, no. Not at all. I tried to come up with things I nailed pre-kids, but I didn’t nail a single thing. I was so far offbase it’s kind of laughable. Well, really, all I can do is laugh at this point or I’ll cry. HOLD ME!
In this blog, I put together a collection of photos showing how we all thought it’d be, and how it REALLY is. I didn’t create all the photos, but damn if I don’t feel them on a deep enough level to where I swear some creeper is watching my fam through the blinds of my house.
6am- busting through my damn door like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, because fuck sleep! Who needs it? Certainly not parents, according to my kids.
Totally thought having a dedicated room for all the toys would improve the neatness and organization of my house. Totally was a moron.
It’s hopeless. I surrender.
FAMILY ROAD TRIPS:
It’s best to just accept that you’re not making it out of this dry.
Now, let’s all hold hands and sing Kumbaya!
RED SAUCE IS THE DEVIL!
Wait…. why did we have kids again?!
Me: Man, my toy allergy eyes are bad today Kids: What? Me: Yeah,if I see any of your crap on my floor I'll have a reaction and THROW IT AWAY
@AmericHousewife it's cute you think I'll survive to them turning that age!
Oh, you're really in for it! pic.twitter.com/xXzFxhlxRJ
Spring into Spring-a-Palooza at Great Wolf lodge! goo.gl/fb/Ey9QEb
Vodka might rhyme with Friday, but what rhymes with Tuesday is "SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME HAVE MY COFFEE!"
Am I a "housewife"? Technically yes. Do I do "housewife" things? UM. NO. I fail. holdinholden.com/2014/08/i-am…
7yo: what's a colon? 9yo: it's the top of a smiley face Husband: ...and the inside of your butthole Me: *deep sigh*