Parenthood is not at all what I thought it’d be. And I don’t mean in that “I didn’t know how tired I’d be, but how full my heart would be” way. EW. STOP. NO.
What I mean is that we all walk through the birth canal of parenthood and get absolutely blindsided with bitch-slaps of reality. We have these big, huge, Hallmark-esque fantasies of every single aspect of raising children, and do ANY of them match up? I mean…. Yeah, no. Not at all. I tried to come up with things I nailed pre-kids, but I didn’t nail a single thing. I was so far offbase it’s kind of laughable. Well, really, all I can do is laugh at this point or I’ll cry. HOLD ME!
In this blog, I put together a collection of photos showing how we all thought it’d be, and how it REALLY is. I didn’t create all the photos, but damn if I don’t feel them on a deep enough level to where I swear some creeper is watching my fam through the blinds of my house.
6am- busting through my damn door like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, because fuck sleep! Who needs it? Certainly not parents, according to my kids.
Totally thought having a dedicated room for all the toys would improve the neatness and organization of my house. Totally was a moron.
It’s hopeless. I surrender.
FAMILY ROAD TRIPS:
It’s best to just accept that you’re not making it out of this dry.
Now, let’s all hold hands and sing Kumbaya!
RED SAUCE IS THE DEVIL!
Wait…. why did we have kids again?!
I'm either "I HAVE 3 FRIES LEFT DON'T TOUCH MY PLATE!" or "Please take this so I can't eat any more of it!" There is no in-between.
Dear people writing articles on ways to get siblings to get along, I'll save you the time. The answer is "Don't let them play together"
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.