The one thing I don’t like about having pets is the fact that I can’t just drop everything and leave town. I have to make all kinds of special arrangements to make sure my animals are well taken care of. Well… that and when they steal tampons out of the trash and leave them all over the house.
I know- a small price to pay for the ceaseless love and affection furry friends offer- but it’s annoying. Especially when all the plans you put in place to make sure your pets are well taken care of fall through. At the last second. Which is exactly what happened. Which means I’m reaching out to all kinds of friends and family asking them to fill in- which means they will see my house, and not just the parts of the house I have presentable when company comes over, but the WHOLE house. All of it. Not just medicine cabinets that some people are obsessed with going through. Every last inch.
I’ve never been what one might consider “organized”- but there’s nothing quite like having children systematically undoing ALL of your cleaning and tidying directly behind you every single day of your damn life. My house is a wreck. It doesn’t matter what I do. It doesn’t matter how many hours I spend scrubbing, or how many dollars I bribe them with to clean the toilet THEY peed all over for the 47th time this week. It’s a hot ass mess, and while I’m not EMBARRASSED by it, I feel like I should leave a disclaimer to the ones who step into my house and call it theirs for a few days while I’m not there to shove shit into a closet while they aren’t looking.
My disclaimer would say the following-
It’s a wonder I ever get anyone to agree. What would be on YOUR house-sitting disclaimer?
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8
When you think your kid is done telling a story and you're finally free but they immediately start telling another pic.twitter.com/zM5gtwNCnj