Don’t climb on that, don’t do that, don’t sit there, DON’T EAT THAT! I swear, it sometimes feels like we do nothing but tell our kids NOT to do things– most of which are for their own good. Some of which are for our sanity. A lot of which are for their health and safety.
I don’t want my kids raised in a world full of NO, but I also don’t want them to be assholes. The world has too many of those, and it’s so easy to avoid becoming one. It’s much harder to undo assholism once it’s deeply ingrained in your being. Sure, there’s your typical respect, and then there are things that just have to be learned over time- and these may seem to be what you might consider “common courtesy”- but it appears 90% of adults missed the damn memo and say these things that make you want to put a foot in their ass, so if I can prevent my kids from getting shoes stuck up their butts by teaching them these things early- I’m gonna do it.
1. Don’t tell someone to smile. Or tell them they need to “smile more”. Or tell them they’re “prettier/better looking when they smile.”
No one has to smile for anyone else. Not everyone smiles all the time. That shit gives you wrinkles.
2. Don’t deny someone’s struggle. Never try to illegitimize it by telling them “it could be worse.” That doesn’t help. Ever. Every struggle is legit- even if you don’t understand it, or can’t relate to it.
3. Don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant. Seriously. Just don’t.
4. Don’t judge someone based on their height, or their weight, or how attractive you mind find their outsides. People are far uglier on the inside.
5. Don’t call people fat. Or tell them they need to eat a sandwich. Or comment on their size at all. IT’S RUDE!
6. You do not know everything. Don’t ever act like you do. The internet does not give you PhD after hours of reading bullshit articles.
7. Don’t one-up. Let people have their moments. Life is NOT a competition.
I’m not saying you’re an asshole if you do any of these things, but…. wait. Yes I am. Stop it.
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.
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