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Mother Seeking Mother to be Friends for Life

By Ally Pippin: allyjeanblog.com

Everyone always told me that life would change when I had children. No duh, of course my life would change. I’ve added new humans to my life and daily routine. There’s no turning back from that.

But, no one told me my friendships would change too.

Our family is the only one with babies in our groups of friends. And it seems those people we know that are starting to have babies have somehow found established groups of people with kids to be friends with.

It’s like seeing someone you know from behind and they’re really far away. You can yell and wave and run after them all you want, but they’re still moving away from you. That’s how I feel. I see people having kids or with kids aroundmomfriends my kids’ ages and I feel like I missed making connections with them and their children and now it’s too late.

I have amazing friends who love me and my babies. I can call them about anything at any time and get fantastic support. But there’s something different about a having a mother as a friend—I want someone that I can call when I’m anxious and the baby is screaming and hubby is trying but not in the right ways. Someone who will hear my story, and help me laugh while reminding me I did my best. Someone who will say “Girl. I’ve been there,” and mean it.

In a world full of Mom-shaming, it’s scary as hell reaching out to another mother asking them to be friends. There are so many “hot-button” issues so many moms feel passionately about—vaccinations, breastfeeding v. bottle feeding, etc.—that I’m scared a connection could be made and broken by strong opinions or because I do something they just don’t agree with.

In this age of social media, everyone’s opinions are loud and clear and that’s intimidating. I don’t want to be friends with moms who try and “correct” what they might think I’m doing “wrong”.  I want a mom friend who understands that we each do what we think is right for our families. Why can’t mothers be celebrated more for just keeping our tiny humans alive and happy each and every day?

At great personal risk, I’m putting myself out there. I want mom friends. So here it goes, here’s my personal ad.

Mother seeing mother to be friend for life.

Criteria:

Zero judgement on what our children put in their mouths, how they eat, what they eat, or the condition of my house (which will be a mess).
Must be comfortable with spit up, blow outs, and a toddler who completely removes all clothing when using the potty by herself.
Should feel at home in pajamas, dirty hair and nursing tanks.
Must have the patience to sit through 4-hour Netflix binges of Daniel Tiger.
Prepared for exciting day trip adventures that usually end in someone throwing a tantrum. Including the ever-popular escapes through Target with Starbucks where the kiddos run free and we pretend we don’t know them for five minutes.
Ability to drink your coffee and wine out of Sippy cups.
Professionalism (and the occasional giggle) when using words like “nipple,” “breast pump,” and whatever unique phrase comes out of my child’s mouth today.
Must run on “mom time,” that is, someone who arrives to any scheduled event approximately 20 minutes late, and is comfortable receiving communication late at night, in the middle of the night, and early in the morning.
Someone who’s life may be beautiful on Instagram but is crazy, silly, wild and bursting at the seams with joy in real life.
Someone who will love my kids with the same passion and vibrance as I do.
In return, I promise laughter, loyalty, unlimited changed diapers, two extra hands to hold whatever you need (given those aren’t already holding two little hands) and a shoulder to cry on if you need it.(I also cook.)

So what do you say? Do you wanna be friends?

Posted on June 3, 2016 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • I was out of sync with my friends from the second I met Dave, my soon to be husband. I had my first at 17 and my 4th at 21. All my high school friends went on to college, I married my hubby. They were barhopping, going to wild parties, and enjoying the young adult life with no strings attached. My parties were geared around cupcakes, drink boxes, and pin the tail on whatever creature the birthday child wanted. I did invite all of my friends to come celebrate my children’s birthdays and some would brave the sticky fingers and screaming for an hour, then escape. It was really uncomfortable, for all involved (except those with sticky fingers). When my girls were hitting the junior high high school age, my friends started getting married and having babies. At that point in my life (after 4 real close together) I was burnt out. No longer did I ooh and aah over the latest baby gear. I bought gift cards as baby shower gifts because I avoided that baby/toddler section once my family was out of it. I, like you, kept it real when giving advice to newly pregnant friends and new moms. I did NOT sugarcoat shit.

    Then my girls started getting pregnant. And I shopped like you’d not believe in all shops, even specialty stores. No way in hell was my grandchild going to not have the best of the best. My girls did get the unvarnished truth when asking me for advice. That is the way I raised them. The truth no matter how bad it sucked. Yes, having an eight pound baby squeeze through the birth canal fucking hurts. No, those stretch marks are NOT going away. No, you cannot sleep for at least 18 years. All of that good stuff that comes along with having a child. “Welcome to Motherhood” is I told them when they called because the child just used a sharpie marker on the walls of the rented apartment. No, you cannot give my granddaughter to the garbageman because she threw away another remote. That’s what you thought at the time, only to have the house flood a few days later because the toilet was overflowing down the carpeted stairs of the new place. The plumber found that damn remote, the culprit, in the toilet plumbing line. NO, you cannot give her to the hairy ass crack plumber, either. And when I got the call about my granddaughter who was biting everyone in her daycare program, I suggested a muzzle and that my daughter make sure the 3 year old was up to date on her rabies shot. My friend’s kids were finishing high school, figuring out college applications and wondering how in the hell I could be so excited about being a grandmother. Again, out of sync with my friends.

    Now in this season of my life, I am raising 4 young granddaughters due to the death of their mama, my youngest daughter. I just finished my 9th year of kindergarten. Once for me, four times for my girls and now four times for these guys. Even though I have been there, done that, it’s hard this time around. Everything is so different, yet the same. When I am asking for advice, everyone always assumes I know it all. I’ve been through it all… And I can tell you I am damn tired. You can find me under my rock with a bottle (of tequila, not milk) over there >>>> on most days. Once again out of sync. My friends are calling wanting advice on what to do with Johnny now he has dropped out of school and moved back home, with no job and a family of his own. Should I bail him out of jail or let him rot, asked another friend. Ugh~

    I figured maybe when the granddaughters graduate and move on, I can just be a grandparent, instead of a parent. Maybe I can get some granny friends and we’ll sit on my porch laughing about life with our double shot Margaritas.

  • Adam Pfeiffer June 4, 2016 at 6:10 pm

    Try making friends as a Stay at Home Dad, in a small town in a statue you just moved to (obviously with wife and 4yo). We moved in October, since then my only social interaction has been online (obviously not counting seeing people I don’t know at the store or out to eat).