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A Week in the Life of a Disorganized Slacker Mom

slackermomblog

The internet is a magical place with endless windows into other people’s lives- whether we like it or not. Whether they should have the blinds pulled down or not!

The internet has allowed me to stare into the lives of other mothers and helped me to realized that, man, I’m a slacker. I hope this doesn’t come off as bagging on other moms, because it’s certainly not how I intend it. I actually admire moms doing it different than me, with their meal plans for the week, organized cabinets, amazingly detailed chore charts, color coded whoseits and whatsits, a place for everything and everything in its place, and calendars full of schedules and plans they absolutely intend on keeping– that’s just not me. Not even close.

This is what a week of my life looks like….. kinda… usually… okay, totally.

 

Sunday-
All day: “Forget” about everything I said I was putting off until Sunday in leisure of hanging out with the family and doing whatever the hell we want, which does not include chores, or really anything responsible. Regret nothing.

Monday-
7am- Drag my tired old ass out of bed. Remind myself I’m too old to do whatever it is I did the day before.
7:50am- Even though they had their outfits 30 minutes ago, bitch at kids to get dressed because they need to get to school
7:55am- I TOLD YOU TO GET DRESSED!
8:05am- Drop kids off in pajamas.
9am- Fully regret putting off absolutely everything on Sunday, because- damnit, I had a WHOLE day and now I have to scramble!
12pm- Laundry. Maybe. I swore I’d do the laundry. It’s overflowing.
12:30pm- Finds laundry I put in the washer on Saturday. Curses self.
2pm- Got one load in! Go me! Promptly forgets to move it to the dryer
5pm- Maybe a vague idea of what to make, only to find out I have none of the ingredients. Scramble. Curse. Panic. Make a semi-passable meal.
6:30pm- Kids fight straight up until bedtime
8:15pm- FREEDOOOOMMMMMM!

Tuesday-
7am- Slightly less awful wake up than Monday, but still sucktacular, because mornings blow.
7:50am- Even though they had their outfits 30 minutes ago, bitch at kids to get dressed because they need to get to school
7:55am- I TOLD YOU TO GET DRESSED! PUT YOUR SOCKS ON!
8:00am- “I lost one of my shoes”
8:10am- Drop kids off, semi-late. Hope school employee doesn’t notice I’m still wearing ratty pajamas because fuck if I’m putting on real pants.
11am- Try to get all the errands run in record time. Fail miserably because I found something shiny.
12pm- Ugh. Lunch. Why can’t I have a personal chef?
3pm- Tell kids to clean their damn rooms. They don’t.
5pm- Ask kids what they want for dinner since I have no idea. They suggest “I dunno”. I do not have recipe for “I dunno.” Husband is even less help. Make even shittier dinner than the night before, which for some reason, the kids enjoy more than the ones I slave over. Jerks.
8:30pm- YAY KIDDIE BED TIME! I’m FREE!
9:30pm- Dozes off on couch

Wednesday-
7am- Sluggish. Coffee. Don’t speak to me, children.
7:50am- Even though they had their outfits 30 minutes ago, bitch at kids to get dressed because they need to get to school
7:55am- I TOLD YOU TO GET DRESSED! STOP STANDING AROUND PICKING YOUR ASS!
8:05am- Drop kids off.
8:15am- Realizes one kid left their lunch in the car. Considers taking it back to him. Doesn’t. Figures lunchroom bill is probably in excess of $485 by now.
12:00pm- Find the laundry that was left in the washer on Monday and have to rewash it so it doesn’t smell like mildew.
1:00pm- Ugh. Lunch.
1:30pm- Half-ass job sweeping the floors.
2:00pm- Stares at dishes in sink.
3:00pm- Endlessly stares into fridge just hoping for something to magically appear to make for dinner. It doesn’t.
4:00pm- Argue with husband about dinner
5:00pm- SCREW COOKING! WE’RE GETTING TAKEOUT!
6:30pm- Ate too much. Massive food-baby. Prays for poop.
7:30pm- What do you MEAN you haven’t done your homework yet?

Thursday-
6:30am- Because the kids hate me and are morning people
7am- Kids complain about “never getting anything different” for breakfast, even though they get at least 4 options every morning
7:50am- Even though they had their outfits 30 minutes ago, bitch at kids to get dressed because they need to get to school
7:55am- I TOLD YOU TO GET DRESSED! STOP STANDING AROUND PICKING YOUR ASS!
8:05am- Drop kids off. YES YOU CAN SEE MY SPORTS BRA THROUGH MY SHIRT! STOP JUDGING ME!
11am- More laundry. Swears it’s multiplying.
11:30am- More errands. Gives side-eye to the lady open-mouth coughing. Even my kids know better than that
1:30pm- Late lunch. Devours the entire fridge.
2:30pm- Pick up kids. No parking space. Curses at the minivan mafia that yet again decided to take up 2 entire spots.
3:30pm- No, we DON’T have anything different for snacks. Eat what we have or starve!
4:00pm- Finally has time to sit down on the couch. Kids come in and put on shit cartoons.
5:30pm- Dinner AGAIN? Didn’t I just feed you yesterday?

Friday-
7:00am- Yay Friday! Wait… that just means this is the last day before I have all 3 children home for the weekend. Yes, I mean my husband.
8:00am- Same
8:30am- Old
10:00am- Shit
11:00am- As
12:00pm- Every
2:30pm- Other
3:00pm- Day
4:00pm- Kids ask what we’re having for dinner. Realizes I’ve, yet again, “forgotten” to take anything out
5:30pm- HOORAY LEFTOVERS SHOVED TO THE BACK OF THE FRIDGE!
6:30pm- HOORAY DRINKS!
6:45pm- Kids want dessert. Kids complain about the dessert we have. Husband eats the last of the dessert. Kids cry that he didn’t share.
7:45pm- HOORAY EARLY BED TIME!
8:30pm: Finally able to watch TV without the kids bitching
9:30pm: Can hardly keep eyes open
10:00pm: Swears I’m still old enough to stay up until 11pm
11:01pm: I DID IT! Off to bed!

Saturday-
7:00am- No, my kids don’t let me “sleep in”- they don’t even know what that means.
7:30am- Just eat cereal, damnit!
9:00am- With all the best intentions, starts a load of laundry.
10:00am- Thinks about food
10:30am: Thinks about taking laundry out of washer
11:00am: Thinks about what to have for lunch
12:00pm: Decides to do nothing. MOMMY DESERVES A BREAK!
1:00pm: Decides it’s movie day. Sits on couch for foreseeable future.
1:00am: Feeling badass for staying up so late- goes to bed with unrealistic feelings of accomplishment

 

Aaaaaand, we’re back to Sunday! That week sounds pretty damn productive to me.

Posted on June 14, 2016 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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  • Hi I eally enjoyed reading your blog and ˆthink your an awesome mom! Don’t doubt that ever. If you get a chanc and wan to waste an afternoon ( not doing laundry) check out a website /blog called moms who drink and swear – you’ll love it. Some funny shit in there. I absolutely love your breakdown of a typical week -I think you stole it from me! So nice to have back up on being a good enough mom. yes I said good enough. I only have one son (10yo) and can barely handle that. Youre sense of humor and candidness is refreshing and I appreciate you sharing thanks! Your an awesome mom REALLY! and thanks for making me feel like one too! Karen Franklin