The only logical explanation is that it is the product of imagination. No, I’m not friggin’ crazy, people. I mean… not THAT crazy. What I mean is that since we just moved, it was probably in a box somewhere, and the kids found it and used it in some weird dragon/dinosaur game they’re always playing. Makes sense, right?
So, what did I do with the mystery brush? I left it there. If my kids think I’m gonna pick up random shit they leave around the house, they’ve got another thing coming. Mommy doesn’t play that game. So yes, I left it for them to see, hopefully realize the errors of their ways, and put it back where they found it- wherever the hell that is.
Snack times came and went, play times were had near and around, paths were crossed, and still, the brush stayed lying on the floor in the same place. Judging me.
“Oh, your kids are messy little shits!”
“Bad parenting results in children who don’t clean up after themselves!”
“I’m a brush and I’m not saying any of these things!”
Did I mention the brush? No. No I did not. I’m tired of telling these turds to pick up crap they leave lying around. They KNOW better. Would the brush stop judging me if I just told the kids to clean up the mess? Yes, but it’s the principal of the matter! THEY NEED TO DO THIS ON THEIR OWN! IT IS TIME! IT’S ALSO TIME FOR ME TO STOP TYPING IN CAPS BUT I CAN NO LONGER HELP MYSELF!
The brush lasted on the floor past the kids’ bed time, and as the me and the husband were letting the dogs out, he pointed down at the brush and said “Why is there a brush in the middle of the floor?” and without even thinking, I responded “Well, this morning the dog got his tail caught in the bag in the bathroom with all the bathroom stuff in it and came running out like a bat out of hell and flung the brush out here.”
This is what having kids has done to my brain. The brush is still sitting in the same place on the floor.
When I say that I’ve lost my mind and I’m pretty sure the kids took it, the fact of the matter is, I probably lost it myself and just forgot. I’m gonna blame them anyway, though. Just in case.
Frying pans. Who knew, right? pic.twitter.com/usSQcFGpmI
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8