The only logical explanation is that it is the product of imagination. No, I’m not friggin’ crazy, people. I mean… not THAT crazy. What I mean is that since we just moved, it was probably in a box somewhere, and the kids found it and used it in some weird dragon/dinosaur game they’re always playing. Makes sense, right?
So, what did I do with the mystery brush? I left it there. If my kids think I’m gonna pick up random shit they leave around the house, they’ve got another thing coming. Mommy doesn’t play that game. So yes, I left it for them to see, hopefully realize the errors of their ways, and put it back where they found it- wherever the hell that is.
Snack times came and went, play times were had near and around, paths were crossed, and still, the brush stayed lying on the floor in the same place. Judging me.
“Oh, your kids are messy little shits!”
“Bad parenting results in children who don’t clean up after themselves!”
“I’m a brush and I’m not saying any of these things!”
Did I mention the brush? No. No I did not. I’m tired of telling these turds to pick up crap they leave lying around. They KNOW better. Would the brush stop judging me if I just told the kids to clean up the mess? Yes, but it’s the principal of the matter! THEY NEED TO DO THIS ON THEIR OWN! IT IS TIME! IT’S ALSO TIME FOR ME TO STOP TYPING IN CAPS BUT I CAN NO LONGER HELP MYSELF!
The brush lasted on the floor past the kids’ bed time, and as the me and the husband were letting the dogs out, he pointed down at the brush and said “Why is there a brush in the middle of the floor?” and without even thinking, I responded “Well, this morning the dog got his tail caught in the bag in the bathroom with all the bathroom stuff in it and came running out like a bat out of hell and flung the brush out here.”
This is what having kids has done to my brain. The brush is still sitting in the same place on the floor.
When I say that I’ve lost my mind and I’m pretty sure the kids took it, the fact of the matter is, I probably lost it myself and just forgot. I’m gonna blame them anyway, though. Just in case.
@anninabyrne He mentioned something about penis trampolines. I don't even know.
My 10 yo didn't know that Dick is short for Richard so he's spent the past 10 yrs thinking Dick's Sporting Goods is a store for penis sports
8yo told me that Oct 31st is "national knock-knock joke day"- which means Halloween will henceforth be known as "The Most Annoying Day Ever"
@SassyPsychDoc "It seemed like a good idea at the time"
@SassyPsychDoc I fact-checked him myself. Someone was seriously sleeping on the job that day
Thought my 8yo was lying when he said that a male woodchuck is a he-chuck & a female is a she-chuck.Nope. If I have to know that, so do you!
Sometimes advice from our kids is EXACTLY what we need to hear. Been a rough few months & what my 8yo said hit home holdinholden.com/2017/10/winn…
10yo: What is calculus? Me: It's you + me = us Husband: get out. #oldpeoplejokes
Bravery AND confidence pic.twitter.com/voqjVXWgZx