If eight years of parenthood has taught me anything, it’s that when someone says they are in need of an alcoholic beverage at the end of a long day of child rearing, they probably deserve it.
Whether you are a stay at home parent, work at home, work away– the days are long, and the kids are awful. I don’t want to say that they don’t care if we’re stressed out, didn’t sleep well, or just plain tired of their shit… but… yeah– they don’t really care. Adulting is a hard thing to comprehend, and we don’t know we’re assholes until we have assholes of our own.
That realization birthed Mommy Juice Tuesday. A mid-week night to have a few drinks to be able to get through the rest of the week parenting and adulting and just generally attempting to be a functioning human being. The struggle is real. All was well and good, cheersing and celebrating surviving half of what was bound to be another very long week, and along comes Sensible Sally. I don’t know why the bitch of every one of my stories is named Sally–I don’t know I’ve ever even known a Sally in real life–but I digress. Roll with it.
GASP! Why do you want to drink with children in the house? You should never! I would never!
Listen up, Sally. (And this is not with slurred speech, because contrary to what Sanctimonious Sally thinks, parents who drink don’t drink ALL THE TIME) I am a grown ass woman. My kids are healthy and taken care off. Class-A Jerks, but healthy and taken care of. I don’t have them locked in the frickin’ closet while I drink bourbon out of the bottle (not that it hasn’t been tempting) and I’m not hiccuping bubbles into the air while trying to carpool them to school like some kind of fucked up cartoon character. I’m having a drink (or two. or three. you don’t know my life) at the end of a very long day because life alone is tough–toss in kids and it can be a fucking nightmare. Also, it’s within my legal right to do so.
Also, it’s MY life, not yours.
Do I NEED it? Um, no. I don’t need anything to deal with my kids on a daily basis. I’ve survived all these years without patience and somehow pulled through (by the skin of my teeth some days. What a gross term), I think I can manage without the booze. Thing is, I don’t wanna. If I want to have a drink to unwind, I’m gonna have a damn drink. CHEERS!
Frying pans. Who knew, right? pic.twitter.com/usSQcFGpmI
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8