When I was about thirteen, I came downstairs on Christmas morning and was elated to be greeted with the typical tree stocked with presents. Santa and I had been on the outs for a few years, but I’d been good- so of course, I had hoped to be rewarded accordingly.
I’ll be honest, I don’t remember ANYTHING I was given that year, except for one gift. It was rectangular, kind of squishy, and something just seemed off about it. I didn’t know what until I tore into it and what to my wondering eyes did appear? A bag of Haynes socks. Not even the cute kind you can show off to your friends. White calf high Haynes socks. The fact that I’d been gifted hideous white socks as a teenage girl wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was that there was a hole ripped in the side of the plastic packaging and one pair was missing. Being that me and my mom lived alone in that house, I knew instantly who the sock perpetrator was. I turned to glare at my mom and she shrugged and said “All of mine were dirty.”
My mom never lived that horrible gift down and now I keep the tale in the back of my mind for the inevitable moment my brats get a gift on Christmas morning that they don’t like- WELL AT LEAST IT ISN’T AN OPEN PACK OF TUBE SOCKS YOU UNGRATEFUL SHITS!
Ahem… that story got me thinking- if I got the terrible tube socks, what terrible gifts did other people get? Unlike my craptastic Christmas morning, I asked and I definitely received!
Emily– My step grandma has never really liked me for some odd reason. One year when I was about 15 she gave me a half used bottle of Avon lotion and a plain dark blue sweatshirt that had a tag that said “.99 cents– stain on front.”
Lisa W. – When I was a teen, I asked my parents for a necklace. Not a specific one, but just something to wear when I wanted to look nice.
Well, on Christmas morning my parents were a little too enthusiastic. I should have known better.
They hand me a box, I ask if it’s the necklace. Dad says Yes, it’s a 4 carat necklace.
I open the box to find a dog collar with 4 cloth carrots hanging from it.
They are not as funny as the think they are. Just sayin’.
Lauren S. – My grandma once gave me one of her old nighties to sleep in. I was 15. It was Something that would make me blush wearing as an adult, let alone as a teenager!
July – My mom gave me a special tray one year that thaws meat quickly. Mom, I’ve been a vegetarian for almost three years now….
Kristy– My grandparents on my dad’s side were NOTORIOUS bad gift givers. I think the worst offender was a Christmas themed nightgown for me with Santa and Mrs. Claus on it… they were sitting on a couch, and all you could see was the back of the couch. The illustration certainly made it look like they were getting down with some hanky-panky on that couch. I was like TWELVE.
Anonymous– I received a “sands of time, countdown to the year 2000” (for want of a better word) clock for Christmas one year. In 2006. It was in the shape of an hour glass, but unlike an hour glass, had no useful features. You programmed in the time and date. You told it when you’d like to be woken in the morning. You plugged in the dates of all of the family’s birthdays. You could press a button and have relaxing (makes you need to pee) rainforest music for when you were stressed.
About a week after not being woken at my desired time of the morning, I was awoken at 3am to the loud tune of “happy birthday to you” and couldn’t find an off switch. It was not my birthday. It was the birthday of no one I knew or have ever met.
A week or so later, it woke me slightly more creatively by playing rainforest music at 4am, causing my young child to wet the bed.
Sheral E. – A few years ago my sister gave me a large box wrapped up beautifully. Since she lives a couple hours away I don’t see her very often and the gift was a huge surprise. On Christmas morning I waited till last to open it expecting something special, instead it was full of dirty dishes, some even had old food stuck to them. There were cups, plates bowls and an old electric can opener that had seen better days. I thought she was have made a mistake until our brother said he received basically the same thing. I haven’t gotten anything from her since.
Kay G – Twenty years later, and I am still haunted by the memory of the worst gift ever.
My ex mother in law and I were never on very good terms, but one Christmas left no doubt what her true feelings were. She had sent a large box with gifts tagged for her son, our daughters and surprise , even a box for me! Christmas morning everyone is opening gifts, all is jolly and bright, a wonderful holiday morning when I was handed the box from my MIL. I opened it, curious, to find a pile of bikinis all jumbled together. Confused, I started taking them out of the box, to find eight or ten sets. As I sorted through them trying to understand, I realized that they were not new items, in fact they were quite worn, and at least one pair of the bikini bottoms, when I checked for a tag inside, hadn’t been laundered after last being worn. She had purchased, boxed, wrapped and mailed me some skanks crusty crotched used swimwear. They say it’s the thought that counts…
Soooo next time you’re feeling shafted after Christmas morning, think of these stories, and thank Santa he didn’t allow your family to give you any of the above!
Frying pans. Who knew, right? pic.twitter.com/usSQcFGpmI
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8