I am not as smart as I thought I was.
Until I had kids, while not regularly patting myself on the back for being a Nobel Prize contender, I knew I was bright.
I married a smart man.
And we had babies.
Who ended up smarter than we are.
That was not in the plan.
My then husband said, when I suggested a third child, “We have to stick to the man-to-man defense. If we move to the zone, we’re outnumbered. And oh, by the way, they’re smarter than we are. So even though we look evenly matched by the numbers, we’re the underdog.”
Flash forward a few years and many dollar signs later . . .
My oldest has graduated from a gifted school. He is bright but prefers to keep that under wraps as he mumbles something about “not cool” and “no wedgies”.
My youngest, however, relishes in his intelligence. He loves nothing more than a challenging conversation.
Just this morning, for instance, on the way to school, as I’m trying to shed my bleary-eyed look and contemplating caffeine, he pipes up from the backseat. “If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?”
My thoughts were not quite so esoteric.
I was more focused on which Keurig cup tasted better and if I had remembered to replenish our toilet paper supply.
I cleared my throat and asked him to repeat the question to stall for time.
“Well, I’d say ignorance is an opposite of progress. Not strictly speaking, mind you,” I barked desperately.
“That doesn’t make sense, Mom,” he said.
Yep. I know. Busted.
We were in a construction zone. “Construction!” I yelled triumphantly. “Construction is the opposite of progress. At least this morning.”
He was not buying it, nor getting my joke.
He sighed. “Really, Mom. Be serious. This is bothering me.”
I knew what he was looking for—a word that meant the opposite of progress and began with “con”. He likes things in a neat box, this one.
“I’m going to have to think on that one, sweets,” I said, smiling.
“No problem, Mom. You can help me with an easier one instead. If a Rubic’s cube had 12 sides instead of six, would there be double the number of possible ways to solve it or would the options multiply exponentially?”
Forget man-to-man defense because I think our quarterback just got sacked.
And that, my friends, is the opposite of progress.
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8
When you think your kid is done telling a story and you're finally free but they immediately start telling another pic.twitter.com/zM5gtwNCnj