Yes, I Watch Soaps. No, That DOESN’T Make Me a “Typical Housewife”

With one kid home for the summer, and the other phasing out naps in preparation for his first year of school, we are subjected to each other’s habits, annoyances, sounds, likes, and dislikes all day every day. ALL DAY EVERY DAY. No matter how much you love someone, would walk over clear Legos for them, if you spent 37 hours in labor with them, spending that much time with ANYONE is bound to make you nutty. It reminds you of every little idiosyncrasy that you find annoying about them. Hell, maybe it was once even something you LOVED about them, but only when it was in small doses. This is why I laugh when people go on and on about the FUN of summer break. Sure, activities are great, spending more time together can be fabulous- but it is also a giant TEST. A test of how well siblings get along, hours in the day kids can talk without EVER SHUTTING UP, and of how much patience you have when people aren’t looking.

During these harrowing months, I do my best to go about business as usual. We have a schedule, which has become more flexible over the years, but for the most part it’s kept. It keeps this household from completely fucking collapsing on a daily basis. This includes when we have breakfast, lunch, when they can play on the tablet/computer, and a number of other things that probably don’t need to be scheduled but I schedule them anyway.  This includes MY TV time, because there is only so much Cartoon Network one person can take. Not them. They’d watch it all fucking day if I let them, but me. It drives me bananas. I can’t handle it. I want to scream when it’s on, and I’ll be DAMNED if I let them convince me to give up my precious TV time where I watch what I want just because they’re both home and “bored” in a house full of toys. NOPE. SORRY, SUCKAS. GUESS WHAT WE’RE WATCHING?


The house could be erupting in flames, buckets of Legos dumped onto the floor, and everything in the “schedule” completely out of whack, but as long as I get my Soap-time in, everything will be okay.bonbon

Why? What’s so special about Soap Operas? Has 7 years of being a stay at home mom had so much of an effect on me that I have morphed into the stereotypical bon-bon eating, roast-making, soap-watching, soccer mom?
I can make a mean roast (sometimes. That’s a lot of fucking work!), but I don’t eat bon bons, and my kids don’t play soccer (except in the back yard, which almost always ends in some stupid fight over the ball not cooperating with them).

I grew up on Soaps. My mom raised me on All My Children (RIP). Having kids didn’t flip some kind of mom-switch and change me. They have always been my guilty pleasure, only, I’m not guilty. Are the plots absolutely ridiculous? Duh. Is the acting at times questionable? Sure.  I know these things about them, and accept them. Watching Soaps during the daytime hours isn’t just for the fun of watching something totally absurd, or for the sentimentality. Sometimes it’s not even because they’re good. My hour and a half of “TV time” has become something much more over the years.

Soap time isn’t just time to indulge, it’s ME time. MY time. My ONLY time.  It’s the one quiet time in the day I use to collect myself, rest, relax, ACTUALLY sit down without people claiming they need me, bugging me, poking me, annoying me. Soap time = Sanity time. It’s my Quasimodo at the top of the bell tower yelling “SANCTUARY!” moment. With Parker awake at all hours and Holden out of school, I need that time even MORE, and I absolutely refuse to give it up.  It’s in the best interest of everyone.

Moms. Dads. If you need a moment, take it. Step outside. Read a book and tell the kids to shut their pie holes. Lock yourself in the frickin’ bathroom if necessary. And don’t feel guilty about that shit! I have taken my moment every single day for almost 8 years and the kids are just fucking fine, and thankfully, so am I. Now, pass the bon bons.

Posted on June 22, 2015 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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