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I Hate Mommy Websites. There, I Said it.

**Editor’s note: I realize that HATE is a strong word, so I want you to read this before jumping to conclusions on the title. I also realize, and understand that some people may consider me one of these websites. I knew that before writing this blog. I love that these websites exist, and of course my own, but I think we all need a reality check.

As a Mommy Blogger, this might sound strange, and it might even get me in some deep shit, but I’ve never NOT been completely honest here, and I’m not going to start sugarcoating now. I don’t like Mom websites. By that, I mean the ones that cater directly to moms (or pregnant women), full of information and tips and tricks for every possible thing. I don’t think these websites are bad. I understand their purpose, usefulness, and importance, and I think that’s GREAT (really!), but unless I am specifically searching for something, I will not go to them.

When I’m browsing the internet, I’m usually looking to smile. To laugh. To kind of escape the day and have a little bitannoying of a mental break from my 5 year old’s brow-beating. I’m rarely, if ever, looking to be related to. I’m never looking for someone who is looking to find something I might possibly be slightly unsure about, and force me to click a link. IF it happens, hey, it happens, but I don’t like being overwhelmed with it.

Just today while browsing around looking for something funny, maybe an ecard, or anything else that might make me laugh after a long stressful week, I became inundated with advice I didn’t ask for. In just a few moments of scrolling, I found myself frustrated and deflated, because instead of getting the giggle I was in search of, I got a raging case of PPG- Perfect Parenting Guilt.

Peaceful Strategies for Temper Tantrums
Ten Ways to Raise a Respectful Child
Raising Kids Who Get Along
Patient Mom- Smarter Kids. Three Ways to Diffuse Your Temper

Holy shitballs. I am not insecure in my parenting style. Of course there are times I question my own judgment, but that happens. It’s natural. Right? Being flooded with this CONSTANT stream of unsolicited advice at every click of the mouse, suddenly I find myself wondering (and without my consent, damnit!) Maybe I’m not calming down temper tantrums in this house the right way. I mean, I ignore the shit out of them, but I wouldn’t call myself peaceful. Do I need to be peaceful? Would that be better? I don’t THINK my kids are disrespectful, but I definitely want to raise a respectful child. Do I need to read this to find out how? Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Maybe this random person writing this random article knows better than me. My kids definitely don’t get along, and I totally want them to, but I figured that comes with time. Could a stranger really give me advice that would be helpful to my life even though they’ve never met my kids? What if I DON’T read this and my kids NEVER get along? Patient mom? PATIENT? I don’t have any fucking patience, especially not now, because all of these damn articles on every damn mom website, even though they were written with pure intentions, to be helpful (and maybe for some website traffic) through experience, they end up, instead of being positive, being flashing signs that say- every possible thing that could be WRONG with your kid or your parenting style. READ ME OR YOU SUCK!

Why am I letting these articles bully me, especially when I know they are most definitely not trying to (okay, maybe SOME are- let’s face it, perfect parents LOVE to write articles about how awesome they are and how maybe YOU can be slightly as awesome as them if only you’d just try hard enough, but even still, that might not be enough)? I don’t think I am. I think this is just the nature of the internet. EVERYONE knows better. There is always something we AREN’T doing that we could/should be. There is always a parent out there who fucking knows EVERYTHING and makes us feel like we know nothing. There is always an article that just picks right at the right spot and even though we may refuse to read it, it will bug us because “how dare they imply that I’m not being patient enough?”

I think it’s great to really look inside yourself and say, hey, I really need to find a way to diffuse my kids paint-peeling shitfits they have on a daily basis. I truly feel as if I have tried everything in my repertoire, and I need to take the advice of someone else, because, who knows, maybe it’ll work and we’ll all be better for it. I think if you’re NOT looking for it, it’s annoying. It’s like those idiotic memes on Facebook that obnoxiously imply that if you DON’T share them, you don’t love Jesus/starving children/dying animals/your mom. THAT’S NOT WHAT IT MEANS. I JUST DON’T FEEL THE NEED TO SHARE IT TO PROVE TO THE INTERNET. If you’re that busy being mega-super-perfect parent, would you really have the time to read all of this shit anyway? I don’t think so. I feel like these advice/suggestion-heavy articles and websites prey (unknowingly, and sometimes knowingly) on the fact that we CONSTANTLY feel like we are fucking up, and want to be better. Good for us. BAD on them.
Are these articles truly helpful? Would we as parents and our children benefit from them? Yes and No. I think half the time, they MIGHT have advice that relates to us, that we can put into play in our actual lives, but more often than not, they just contain a list of shit that isn’t really possible for mere mortals, and we walk away feeling like failures (even if we don’t read them, we end up stressing about not reading them as if we’re harming our kids by not doing so), wasting a stupid amount of time we could have spent being OURSELVES with our kids (who are each unique), but instead, have spent worrying about who we AREN’T.
I think we parents, the ones who write these and the ones who read them, are being ridiculous, and I think we need to take a damn seat.

Thanks to the internet (and truly, I love it, but damn), parenting has become a gigantic pissing contest. With the “humble brag” bullshit, potty pictures, and updating the world with the fact that we had romaine in our salad for lunch instead of iceberg- everything becomes “Let me show the world how awesome I am!”. No one cares. Only, now we do. And once we have kids? Awwwwwww shit, a whole new thing to be the best at!

Parenthood is not a contest. There are a MILLION things I could be saying, doing, and acting on better. I know this. I don’t care. I’m not gonna read your damn article about the 15 things I’m NOT saying to my child that I should be. I told them I love them, mumbled that they were a shithead under my breath, and complimented some thing they tried to shove directly into my cornea. Oh, and I vacuumed the couches, because they were fucking nasty. I’m done for the day, and I feel pretty damn good about it, even without your article- thank you very much.

Posted on June 5, 2015 by Holdin' Holden 3 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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3 Comments

  • YES! So much Mompetition out there. We’re all just doing our best and don’t need to see all this (fake, IMO) perfection. I much prefer the funny and uplifting posts.

  • I am a mum of 2 adults and 1 teenager and a nana of 1. I have read a few of your post and I can tell you are a fantastic mother, your children will grow into adults who can deal with real life because you don’t follow advise to make your children’s childhood perfect, so when they become adults they have learnt skills to deal with conflict, disappoint and a every changing world. It is a compliment my kids didn’t have perfect childhoods they dropped out of high school etc but they have jobs, no debt one has a child. A lot of their friends finished high school got disappointed because they didn’t get the jobs they thought they were entitle to have got debt because the next step to a perfect life is a car and a home and because they have never learnt to settle for less than perfect car and home are new so debt is extreme for such young people.
    My point is at the end of the day you are the one who is going to have happy well adjusted kids.
    P.S as a imperfect parent when my kids use to fight I would grab my book tell them to let me know when they have finished then go to my room and read