Marilyn Monroe is probably saying “WTF?” right now, y’all. The internet is littered with beautiful pictures of her that have inspirational quotes written on them. Woman-positive, body-positive, positive-positive. Problem is, she didn’t say most of that shit! No harm, no foul, right? The messages are good, they make people feel good about themselves, so what’s the problem? Me? No, I don’t have one! I’m all for life-affirming, women are awesome, body positive messages, no matter who said them.
My “problem”, if you wanna call it that, is with something she DID say. Sang, actually. She may not have come up with it, but that’s beside the point. Since it came out of her mouth, it took on a life of its own. It’s been used in ad campaigns, TV shows, movies, probably even on the cards people give each other. These 6 words shaped the world… or at least the way a lot of the world looks at women.
What in the hell could POSSIBLY have that much influence, even decades later?
DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND
Last I checked, I’m a girl, and diamonds are not my best friend. I do have to admit that I’ve never been much for jewelery. I have plenty of earrings, a few necklaces, but I’ve never requested diamonds for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or anything else. It’s not that I don’t LIKE diamonds, they’re sparkly, and I like sparkly, but… Diamonds as my BFF/best gift ever? What the hell am I gonna do with a diamond? No no no. If we’re going to start naming inanimate objects as best friends, there are things I hold a hell of a lot closer to my heart than a stone.
I would consider all of these things best friends over diamonds:
Take out. Enough to leave leftovers for the next day so I don’t have to cook two days in a row. I’d make that shit my maid of honor.
Stretchy jeans that don’t give me a fucking muffin top
CROCK POTS. Oh for the love of YES, bless you, Crock pot!
The DVR for allowing me to consume as much mindless television as I want
Netflix, for reminding me I don’t need to go outside today. Or tomorrow. Or ever.
But not diamonds.
Can we just stick with the fake women/body/life positive messages? Being showered in diamonds doesn’t sound too bad, but I’d rather stuff my face with Reese’s and then have Marilyn tell me to feel good about myself.
I sure feel uplifted. Don’t you?
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