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Yes, I’m a Mom Who Curses. So Fucking What?

Every now and then, the level of butthurt on the internet rises to the top of the pool and boils over, scalding everyone around it. No one is safe! No statement, thought, or silly joke shall go without someone dropping their drawers and crapping on it! You swear there must be a full moon, but no, it’s just batshit crazy, judgy, and just plain old ugly people (on the inside) being themselves. It’s…. Ugh. That’s the only word I have for it: ugh. That boil over happened to land right on my head a few days ago when I DARED to plunk a dastardly 4-letter word into a public post on Facebook. I honestly didn’t even think twice about it. It’s Facebook, for fuck’s sake. If the worst thing I am subjected curseto in my Facebook newsfeed is a helping of someone’s potty mouth, I consider that a good day. Sensitive Sally didn’t agree.

This blog is not about Sensitive Sally, but since she wanted to shove the stick so far up her butt that it poked me in the eye, I am using her as an example. Ya see, Sensitive Sally decided to go and get all butthurt (I guess anyone with a stick lodged that far up their ass would be, but I digress) about the word SHIT. Gasp! She said SHIT on the INTERNET! Yes. Yes I did. So?
SO?? YOU SAID SHIT, AND THAT IS UNPROFESSIONAL!

Well, sound the fucking alarms! The butthurt has gone and busted through the roof again!

A) Shit Happens
B) You’re really offended by the word SHIT?? Really?? It’s not like I called you a cuntbag. Or a fuckwad. I wasn’t even talking TO you.
C) REALLY??
D) My professional career actually got started BECAUSE of shit. I am the shit master! THE SHIT BLOGGER! I BLOG OF ALL THE SHITS! SHIT ALL THE THINGS!

I’m getting off track. Look, Sensitive Sally isn’t the first to get her grannies all stuck up her crack because of my language, and she most certainly won’t be the last. Although I can’t wrap my mind around it, people get offended by curse words. I could understand if their kids were around, but I am an adult and I know how to watch my mouth around other peoples’ kids. YOU, sir or madam, are supposed to be an adult, and you should know by now that words are words and they are not going to hurt you. But these super sensitive types (some like to refer to them as Sanctimommies) get offended FOR my kids, because I curse around them. HOW COULD I? Hoards of sanctimommies clutching their pearls and shaking their heads at the terrible foul-mouthed Mommy. Those poor kids, subjected to her hideous, disgusting, despicable language! She should be ashamed! She is RUINING THEM! They probably have filthy mouths just like hers! CALL THE AUTHORITIES!

Let me tell you a little story. When I was in the second grade, I thought I was pretty bad ass. I wasn’t allowed to curse, and my parents never cursed around me- and I knew from experience that if I was caught letting a 4-letter word fly, my mouth would get washed out with soap. I may not have heard the words at home, but I heard them pretty much everywhere else, from everyone else. They seemed so awesome. So dangerous. I WANTED TO SAY THE WORDS!
One day, I got a wild hair up my ass, took my older brother’s friends down the street, separated them into two groups, and had each group chant one simple word. Back and forth, back and forth. As loudly and proudly as they could. I was so proud! I felt like I was directing an orchestra. It was like magic to my little ears, for when those two words came together, what word did they make?

ASSHOLE!

ASS HOLE ASS HOLE ASS HOLE- back and forth, back and forth. The older kids smiled. I think they knew I was in deep shit. I figured, since I wasn’t the one actually SAYING the words, there was no possible way for me to get in trouble. I think back on that logic now and laugh hysterically. It was probably one of the dumber things I’d done as a kid. All because the mysterious curse word was just too tempting to resist. All that time my mom spent shoving soap in my mouth, censoring herself, scolding me- it DIDN’T WORK. I’m not saying if she HAD cursed around me, I would have never said words of the 4-letter variety growing up, but NOT saying them didn’t work either.

So, YES, I absolutely curse around my kids. They hear every single word that network television censors. And not just because my mom abstaining didn’t work on me. They hear them because they are JUST WORDS, and they are taught that. They hear them because I’d rather them hear them from me than from someone else. They hear them because I’m a damn ADULT and because I CAN. They hear them because if I smash my pinky toe into the coffee table, there’s no way in hell I’m going to yell “OH FUDGE ME! MOTHER FUDGING BULLDOOKY! GLOB DANGIT!”
Some things just deserve a “fuck”.

Do my kids think they can just go around dropping f-bombs like dear old mom? Um. No. I taught them better than that. It’s AMAZING- sometimes kids actually CAN learn and follow directions! Even when it comes to those filthy toilet words! IT’S A MIRACLE!

Yes. I am a mom who curses. So fucking what?

Posted on May 26, 2015 by Holdin' Holden 13 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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13 Comments

  • You should have called Sensitive Sally a Blue Waffle, and told her to Google it. 😛

  • I have to say you made me giggle. I don’t swear or curse in front of my kids and I would be embarrassed if I heard them do it. I have explained to my newly 11 year old that if she uses curse words with friends I understand, because it is just words as you say, but I wont approve at home. You are right when you say that we learn them anyway, my parents would still freak out if the heard me curse, but I still learnt to do it with friends. A great post it made me think. Love you to link it up to my Mummy & Us Linky at reflectionsfromme.com.

  • You ROCK!!!! Seriously. You are my ALL TIME FAVE MOMMY!!! Thank you. MMWWAAHH!!!!!!

  • The only “F word not allowed in my house is FAT. Fuck is my favorite word. They aren’t “bad” words they are “grown up” words. My kids used to ask “Is this a grown up word or a kid word?” and I would tell them and we would go on our merry way. No worries.

  • I too am a mom who curses. Now I’m not dropping F-bombs (often) or calling ppl douchebags but I am not going to shelter my kids either. And I am not going to be someone I’m not for the sake of my kids. What kind of example does that set? So I commend you for being who you are no matter what! And kuddos to you for giving someone something to bitch about!!

  • My daughter’s former babysitter (from about age 3 until we put her in preschool just before age 5) drops F-bombs like some people say “um”. It used to annoy me that she’d use it just as frequently in front of her–not to mention her own three girls–as she did with other adults. Fortunately, she’s always asked me before trying out new words…or, after seeing a friend of hers from daycare flip someone the bird, hand gestures! I just keep telling her that I won’t ever get mad if she says them to me before trying them, so that I can tell her if they’re OK for kids to say.

    Now she yells at me sometimes for using “the middle finger word!” or one of the other sentence enhancers (thanks, SpongeBob) in my repertoire. LOL

    I will admit that I was somewhat less than thrilled when she came home the other day and announced that a boy on her bus had called her a dickwad, and then asked me what that meant. I just told her it was not a nice name to call someone, and told her not to use it herself.

  • Praise the Lord it’s someone with sense! My kids didn’t know the word “fat” until someone at school taught it to my daughter last year. But I will holler fuck at any given moment. I would rather them say fuck than call someone fat. But they know better and don’t use “adult words”. They are just words. Who cares? And people act like just reading the word(s) is going to send them to Hell. Keep scrolling douche bags!

  • This was enjoyable. I had hoped I was going to read that I am not the only mom. I spent 20 years in the Army Nationa Guard. Where being able to insert the word,’Fuck’ to any profesional conversation was a neccesity. Even if only for expressing the direness of a situation. Or the frustration of just how fucked up it was. It was an intricate part of our training.
    Ok, so there was no real SOP about it. But still. A life saving skill. I also have 4 kids. While they were tots and youngsters it wasn’t an issue. But now that they are tweens and teens. Its a constant. Part of me is proud. Because these kids don’t let anyone treat them bad or walk on them. The other part of me is ashamed. Because even at 40. I dont feel comfortable swearing in front of my parents. But I also am not that close to them. Where my little assholes even at 10,14,&16. Are so up my ass all the time I should start calling them hemorroids. And I think there are tougher battles to fight over than their language. I dont know if that makes me a bad mom. But I know in their eyes, and most of their friends. Im a fucking rockstar.

  • I feel like we SHOULD curse around our kids just so they learn the concepts of appropriate time and place and how to read an audience.

  • I’m dying here! I’m as bad (good?) as you about the cursing. I mean, come on, my ex-husband was Army infantry….I learned words from him and his squad that I never knew existed! THEY’RE JUST WORDS! Am I going to be ok with my kids cursing in public like I do? Hell no! But my boyfriend’s 12 year old knows that when she’s talking to me, I don’t care if she curses. She knows she’s not allowed to as much as I do, and all the kids know that nothing will save them if they call me a bitch or any other equally nasty name. But you’re right, some situations demand cursing for a reaction. Just have to teach the kids that they aren’t yet old enough to go around putting sailors (or infantryman) to shame!

  • A few years ago, I was in our local smoke filled pool hall playing darts with my husband. A female customer was retelling a story to people in her party. The customer used the word f^%k twice. The female bartender asks the customer to watch her language because she had her baby in a baby carrier behind the bar and she didn’t want the baby to hear the curse words. To which the customer happily replied, excuse me I thought I was in a f****** bar not a daycare and by the way, what is your stance on second hand smoke and babies?