To the Man Who “Can’t Afford His Wife”–


It’s something that’s gone around the internet and in mom circles for years- just how hard we work at this whole mom thing. We do the job of about a bajillion professions and for free!
We are therapists and cooks, maids, daycare workers, nurses, organizers, chauffeurs, and a myriad of other things. We do it all! I have even written a blog about just how much of a JOB motherhood really is. It ain’t easy, that’s for sure!

This subject is currently on my mind because of an article recently written by a husband going on and on about how he can’t afford his wife as a stay at home mom. Everyone and their mother shared it, far and wide, and around the internet it went. I was tagged in it more times than I can even count, I guess because I’m a stay at home mom and people thought I would be the article’s biggest cheerleader. FINALLY! SOMEONE ACKNOWLEDGES THE MASS AMOUNT OF WORK WE DO!
But….. that is not the reaction I had.
I mean, it’s sweet and all- I truly love that he gets and seems to appreciate how hard moms work every day (really!), enough to say that he can’t afford his wife as a stay at home mom if he had to pay her for all the jobs that she does, but I’m going to be balls-out honest right now…
The dude could probably afford me.

If this whole “mom” thing were an actual job that I had to be on time to, with an employer, rules, tasks that needed to be done efficiently and quickly- my ass would have been fired FOR. EVER. ago. FIRED! Out on my ass. Given the boot. The pink slip. Axed. Dunzo.

I’m not saying I’m lazy- I am absolutely NOT lazy (most of the time), and I am not at ALL trying to diminish just how much we all do, or how hard we work. There is a lot of shit that goes into being a stay at home mom (and a mom in general) that has nothing to do with browsing Pinterest, “forgetting” to take out something for dinner, and watching soaps. There are things to pick up, put away, wipe down, take out, prep, prepare, scrub, sweep, and a ridiculous number of other things. If I REALLY tried, and I mean REALLY- no…. Nope. I’m gonna be realistic.

There are probably some stay at home moms who never sit down all day because they’re busy scrubbing baseboards, crafting, and making sure their house is picture perfect, everything is in its place, and all is right with the world. If we’re being HONEST- most of us are NOT that mom. Don’t fucking lie. I’m DEFINITELY not that mom. I don’t know anyone who IS that mom. I know plenty of amazingly awesome moms with kick-ass clean houses where there aren’t seventeen pounds of Legos strewn all over the goddamn living room like its Times Square on New Years Eve- but if you ask them, they still never get EVERYTHING done.

I’ll say it right now. I have NEVER gotten everything done. I start tasks, and try to finish them, but usually I don’t. I’m happy with just STARTING them. Yeah I started the fucking laundry! NO I didn’t put it in the damn dryer yet. I had to wipe someone’s ass, and then make lunch, and then let the dogs out, and then dry their damn paws because they decided it would be an AMAZING idea to play in the fucking mud, and then I have to bitch at my kid for an hour to take a nap, and by the time I’m done doing that, it’s time to go pick up the OTHER kid at school, and then I have to make some stupid ass snacks that are just going to get half eaten and left out and I’ll have to clean them up just because it’s WHAT I DO, so FUCK THE LAUNDRY AND FUCK YOU.

Ahem… I’m not going to apologize- it’s tough, and it’s frustrating, and it’s busy, and while I believe we DEFINITELY deserve credit where credit is due, to walk around saying that we deserve the pay of however many other professions combined when I can’t even manage to move to laundry from the washer to the dryer most days makes me feel like a crap-ass mom- and I know for a fact that I’m not.

HEAVEN FORBID I ever had to get everything done by the end of a work day.

Is the floor clean and vacuumed, surfaces wiped down, dust dusted, beds made, toilets scrubbed? Uhhhhhhh, try 2/7 most days. If I were a maid? FIRED!
Has dinner been cooked and put on the table promptly at 6pm every night? Hahahahaha! You know what we had last night? Left overs from the night before, when I flat out forgot to take anything out for dinner until it was too late to thaw any meat out, so my husband had to pick up take out on his way home. Chef failure. Fired.
Did I heal the sick? Tend to the wounded? Kiss all the booboos? I ain’t kissin’ no nasty ass bloody knee. I’m gonna try to clean that mofo with some peroxide while not gak-ing and call it a win. Don’t think I’d be winning any awards for nurse of the year, there.

No, I don’t consider myself a maid, a nanny, a chef, a therapist, a nurse, or any of those other things.

No, I don’t do ANY of those things as well or as thorough as someone who holds each one of those positions as their career.

I don’t, and I can’t pretend that I do, or that I’m deserving of the salary of all of those positions combined, but I do enough of everything, every day, all day, to keep my family healthy and (most of the time) happy- and I believe that’s more than enough. But, hey, I’m appraising myself at a bargain rate here, so if you wanna pay me- super sweet over-appreciative husband, I’d be more than happy to take it! Maybe I’ll use it to hire a REAL maid and give myself a frickin’ break.

Posted on May 15, 2015 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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