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I Made My Kid Pay Me to Help Him, and it was SO Worth it!

Too much. Overkill. Unnecessary. Mean. Wrong. I can see all the different reactions to this blog now, but I had to do it! Not just for myself, but for moms everywhere.

someecardearnAsk any of us. We’ll tell you that we’re fully convinced there must be some kind of psychosomatic censor in a kid’s head that goes off every time we try to sit down and get comfortable. EVERY time- whether it be on a couch, a kitchen chair, or a toilet, as soon as our ass hits surface, they need something. Whether it be us to get them something, reach something, answer something, feed them something, tell them something- it’s ALWAYS something.

I’ve refused many times. I JUST SAT DOWN. But there are probably more times that I haven’t refused. They actually DID kinda need my assistance, and isn’t it my job to provide it? Eeeehhhhhhh, maybe. Sometimes. Not all the time, though! Is all of my assistance, especially when I’m allowing them to yank me back up when I’ve just sat down- probably from doing something else for them- just allowing them to be lazy lumps? Helpless turds? Needy shits? Did they even VALUE the fact that I was constantly putting myself out just to assist them? I wasn’t sure, so I decided to find out.

After picking up Holden from school, I waited. Well, after I did some laundry, vacuumed, scrubbed a stain out of the carpet and did the dishes, THEN, I waited.

It didn’t take long before I heard “I need heeeeeeeeeelp!”
Holden had lost the instruction manual to his new Lego creator set.

“You gonna pay me?”

“What??”

“If you want me to get up after I’ve already sat down, you’re gonna have to be charged.”

I could see the wheels churning in his head, trying to process this request. He was going to have to PAY his mother for assistance? But…. why? Shouldn’t help from Mommy always be free of charge? If I were still standing and moving about, maybe. He had every opportunity to ask me while I was active, but to wait until after I’ve sat down? No.

“Well…. how much?”

I charged him a nickle. He gave me a dime. We didn’t find the instruction manual. It turned out to be a double lesson in responsibility.

1) Your mom isn’t your servant. Respect and value her time and how much of it she selflessly dedicates to you. Yes, it’s her job, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be thankful.

2) PUT YOUR SHIT AWAY! If you did that, you wouldn’t have lost the manual in the first place, wouldn’t have had to ask for help, or get charged for asking for help at the wrong damn time.

Now, if that’s not a lesson worth 10 cents, I don’t know what is!

Posted on April 14, 2015 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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