To the Mom Who Disagrees with Me…

It’s okay. I don’t hate you. I’m not mad, or offended, or upset. I don’t think you’re wrong, or assume that just because you disagree with me, you’re a terrible person. I’m not going to attack you, or yell at you, or resort to calling you names. I’m not going to criticize you, or chastise you, or attempt to shame you, or try to make you doubt your choices. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. I applaud you for being different and not being afraid to say so. We moms take a LOT of crap on a daily basis. The best thing we can do for ourselves is be confident in our decisions.

I don’t think you’re a bad parent. I’m not sitting idly by judging you. Not when your kid has a tantrum. Not when you have a “bad” parenting moment. Not even when you’re judging yourself and wish that the stage-5 meltdown had happened at home. We’ve all been there.  We all wish we’d NEVER been there, but we’ve been there, and no matter how we react, how we handle it, there will be someone out there with judgy eyes, but they aren’t mine. If you catch my looking at you, it isn’t because I’m silently picking apart your decisions as a parent, or thinking about how awful your kid is and how that must mean you’re screwing the whole thing up. I’m looking because I’m thankful that for ONCE it’s not one of mine, and in slight hope that you might catch my glance, and I’d give you a sympathetic smile. Solidarity, sister.

To the mom who disagrees with me, I just ask one thing of you. Don’t judge me, either.  As different as we may be, there is one thing I am sure that we have both learned through this parenting journey: we have to pick our battles wisely. Let’s not pick them with each other. Motherhood isn’t a contest. There aren’t official awards handed out, MVP rings, or parades down Main Street in Disneyland. There’s no finish line, and very rarely are there fans on the sideline cheering us on. We need to be those cheerleaders for each other (preferably without the pom-poms).


Confidently different


Posted on February 9, 2015 by Holdin' Holden 6 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • love this!

  • Well I am the mum who agrees with you today, we need to pick out battles, we don’t need to battle each other, it’s so cool to be different, yey you, yey us, great post as always xx

  • Very well said. I applaud you and I think your parenting rocks. Your boys are truly blessed to have you as a mom.

  • Each of us is unique, our children are all unique, and our experiences are unique, so how do any of us expect to truly understand what someone else is experiencing?

    While we may be imperfect parents, most of us want one thing: the best for our kids. I applaud your willingness to let go of judgement against others. I hope that we can all do that for one another and for ourselves as well!

    The more we tap into our internal wisdom, the better our life choices will be, and the more confidence we will have in those choices. Once we experience this, it is easier to allow others to make their own choices without judgement and be there to cheer them on…even if we happen to like pom-poms 😉

  • Very well said! I used to be a little on the judgmental side…and then I became a mom.