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This is a Mom’s Brain on Snow Days

sadsnowI used to like snow. That changed once I wasn’t a child anymore, and snow on the ground meant I’d nearly die trying to get to work because work refused to close even when everything else did. This hatred only festered over the year and by the time my oldest child began school, me and snow were mortal enemies. Even if I DIDN’T hate snow, I’d still hate snow days. I love my kids, but being trapped inside with them due to a giant white blob of bullshit covering the ground is maddening, and after nearly two weeks of NO school due to snow, we’re all losing our damn minds. Especially me. This is what went through my head today.

Tell me I’m not alone!

 

Snow is basically mother nature’s diarrhea. Mother nature needs a damn diaper. Or a butt plug.

If mother nature bought a butt plug, I bet it would be green.

Okay, we get it. Mother Nature has a big penis. It can stop fucking us with this weather now!

This kid NEEDS to go back to school. EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT!

Why did I have kids again? Maybe I should sell this one online. First one with a snowplow or snow tires gets’em! CLEARANCE! 5,000% OFF! JUST TAKE THEM! OR TAKE ME!

Convinced there is a chemical in snow that makes kids act even a-holier than their usual level of a-hole.

If I had to pick a favorite child right now, it would be the dog.

No.

NO.

How many times do I have to say no??

I give up.

NO!

I now understand why Elsa kept telling Anna to go the hell away. Even the magical Ice Queen herself got sick and damn tired of snow. Tired of snow’s shit AND told Anna she couldn’t marry a man she just met. Good head on her shoulder’s, that one.

Wait a minute, even OLAF wanted it to be summer. Mother Nature needs to get her shit together.

Crap. Now I have “Let it Go” stuck in my head again. SON OF A BISCUIT IT’S LIKE A DISEASE!

I wish Mother Nature were a person so I could punch her straight in the uterus. Then again, if Mother Nature were a person, she’d probably be in Hawaii, and not snowed in here with me. Bitch.

Oh, look at that! It’s nap time! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH YEAH RIGHT.

Maybe if I close my eyes and wish REALLY hard, I’ll open them, and the snow will be gone. Or maybe I’ll magically grow a penis. Those two things have equal chances of happening.

What’s for dinner? SEASONAL DEPRESSION!

Sounds like the kids are exploding the upstairs…. but…. they’re the hell away from me, so I don’t even care. I CAN BUY NEW THINGS BUT I CANNOT BUY NEW SANITY!

This is it. This is officially the day that will never end. Or I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be today again like some twisted version of Groundhog’s Day, and it’s ALL THE GROUNDHOG’S FAULT BECAUSE HE SAID THERE WERE SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER. I HATE SHADOWS!

Is it bed time yet?

Ughhhhhhhhh

How about now?

YAY!!!!!

 

If I never see snow again, it’ll be too soon.

Posted on February 27, 2015 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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