How Children Changed My Marriage- For Better AND For Worse


Almost 9 years ago now (wow!) when my soon-to-be husband and I looked ahead to a future with children, I thought about how parenthood might change things. My social life, my SLEEP, my finances. There were long discussions, budgets, price-checking of diapers, everything my husband and I could possibly think of that came with a little bundle of joy. I thought we’d checked all the little boxes, made extensive pro/con lists, and gotten our ducks in a row, but there was one thing we hadn’t even considered: How children would affect our MARRIAGE. And why would we? Wouldn’t things be exactly the same, just with one little addition? Well, that’s what a lot of people think, but it just isn’t the truth. Children will ROCK YOUR WORLD. Your ENTIRE world. ESPECIALLY your marriage.

In the blink of an eye, you go from being “the two of us” to “the three (or more!) of us”- and those 9 or so months you had to prepare were not preparation at all. Couple-you takes a back seat to Parent-you, and if you’re not careful, can make its way to the trunk and then over a bridge and at the bottom of a river with a cinderblock tied around its ankle.

That is exactly what happened to my marriage, like so many other marriages. Thankfully, we were able to rescue our marriage from the murky depths and all lived to tell the tale. I’m not saying that children will DESTROY your marriage. What I am saying is that if you aren’t aware of the changes, it can kind of get away from you. Be like Beyonce. Put that shit on lock-down!

I’ve never sugar-coated anything, and I’m most certainly not going to do that now, but I don’t want anyone to walk away from this blog thinking that I at ALL regret my choice to have children, but to say everything has been rainbows and butterflies and sparkly unicorn farts wouldn’t be honest. So, I’m gonna give it to you straight.


For Better- You now love your spouse even more because together you created this beautiful little life and nothing could be better than that.

For Worse-  That little one causes you to never get any sleep and it’s impossible to like ANYONE after no sleep. Especially your spouse, who seems infuriatingly well-rested.

For Better- You become innately aware of how well you two are as a team.

For Worse- You never get time to be anything other than a parenting team. Couple you is now just a COUPLE of parents.

For Better- You get to know them better than you ever thought you could know anyone.

For Worse- Because you only spend time with them. And your kids.

For Better- You always have a solid reason to cancel plans so you can just stay home.

For Worse- …If you ever got to make plans. Date nights become Friday nights on the couch watching TV and not touching while the kids are asleep (hopefully) in their rooms. Which actually sounds kind of nice. Wait… what??

For Better- Everyone knows you created a child with your genitals, so PDA and lovey-doveyness and even the casual mention of diddling isn’t frowned upon by family members anymore!

For Worse- Good luck diddling ever again! It’s one thing to have a fear of parents or roommates walking in, it’s a whole other level when it’s thee threat of your unknowing child walking in and getting an eyeful of YOU. Oh, and also- you’re a parent now, and parents are gross. EWWWW KISSING!!

For Better- A Child will absolutely bring you closer than you ever thought you could be.

For Worse- Some days, that’s closer to smothering each other than it is to hugging.

For Better- Looking back, you really wouldn’t change any of it. Okay, maybe some- but most of it is keeper material.


Look, it ain’t easy- but it’s worth it. End of story.

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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