‘Tis the season! Actually.. It already was the season according to all the stores that started putting out Christmas decorations before Halloween- but now we’re actually closer to the dates of holiday cheer. Two of the radio stations here have already switched over to non-stop Christmas music, and every other radio and air wave is flooded with nothing but Black Friday ads. Deals and discounts as far as the eye can see! Come shop on Black Friday!
I hate Black Friday. You cannot convince me to shop on Black Friday. Ever.
This year, people are outraged because not only are retailers starting their deals before dinner time ON Thanksgiving, but people are actually planning on going. What about the people who have to WORK retail? They’ll miss Thanksgiving because you want to get $50 off of a flat screen? What about those chicks sitting out side of Best Buy 3 weeks early who would make more money working minimum wage than ANY discount Best Buy could ever offer? Aren’t they proving why Black Friday is awful?
Yes, I think that the spirit of Thanksgiving is being crapped on by these sales impeding on the traditional family dinner time, but some people have made traditions around Black Friday shopping. Yes, I think it’s totally ridiculous that two women would sit in the cold for WEEKS over some stupid discount- but I guess we have to chalk that up to a difference in ideas of fun (and priorities, perhaps). I agree with the outrage (though I’m too lazy to rant about it) and the disgust and all that jazz- but that is not why I hate Black
Friday Thursday, and not why I refuse to go out shopping on that day.
Luckily, I don’t work retail, so my dislike can’t be based on longer hours and asshole customers. My family gets together every year, and every year we sit down, not all at one table (because there are far too many of us)- but still together- and we stuff our faces. There is turkey and stuffing and all the holiday regulars(mmmm canned cranberry sauce), and this totally ridiculous 6-cheese macaroni and cheese and a mountain of potatoes and a literal buttload of pie. There is laughing and drama and likely football on the television, though I never watch it. Sometimes, some family will huddle around a table and circle items in the magazines and flyers for the Black Friday sales and make a plan for what items they want to snag and when- but they never cut our meals short just to run out and wait in line, and last year I got an awesome pair of boots out of it- so I can’t complain about that either.
It’s the after that is the problem for me. After all the stuffing has been stuffed into faces, the cranberry inhaled, the epic buttload of pies consumed in a ravenous competition style-manner (okay, not really, but it goes quick!); after we’ve chatted, and laughed, and caught up, and gossiped- when we’re just starting to slip into that food coma but are only kept awake by thinking about how this was the last holiday before Christmas and HOLY CRAP WHERE DID THE TIME GO, and I’ve finally allowed for the binge-watching of Elf and other cheesy schmaltzy holiday flicks to begin- the last thing I would EVER want to do is pick my carb-loaded ass up off of the couch, get in my car, drive to Wal-Mart, or Best Buy, or Target, or wherever else, and shove through a crowd only to get elbowed in the mashed potato and gravy stuffed gut over a fucking Easy Bake Oven. Or a television. Or a frickin’ Nerf Gun. Or whatever stupid junk it is that I think I must have. I love shopping. I love the rush of a good deal, and the satisfaction of snagging a great discount, but no $10, $20, or $100 dollars off is worth ruining the happy full-bellied comfy TV surfing relaxing beginning of the holiday season tradition.
If you think it’s fun, if you look forward to it all year and finish your Christmas shopping in one insane night- more power to you. No sarcasm intended! As for me? I’ll be here, nice and warm on my couch, not getting elbowed in the potato gut, and drinking booze and yelling over the television without getting arrested.
Where you should be spending your Saturday night twitch.tv/holdinholden
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