I swear, it’s like a heart wrenching goodbye scene right out of a Hollywood blockbuster. And frankly, I’m done. Let me eat, take a shower, pee, drink my coffee for Pete’s sake!! PLEASE, I am on my knees, begging you to STOP crying! MOMMY NEEDS TO BREATHE!
It’s times like these (see below) when I ask myself, “is it worth it?”
1.Dude, I need to pee, I don’t have the luxury of diapers like you do,
just give me a minute, would ya?
But NOOOOO, as soon as I think I’m a safe distance away (not far
enough to not hear their sobbing voices), I see those little fingers
reaching under the bathroom door, as if to say, “I’ll never let go,
Jack, err, uhh, Mom!”
Here’s the thing, Rose lets go in Titanic, and so will I, get over it.
I fear for the day that they learn how to open doors.
Is it nap time yet?!
Lunch time, OK, I’ll go get some food going. This is when the hangry (when you are so hungry that you become angry with everyone and everything around you) screams come out. The second I leave their area, they start shouting, at me like I’m Anty in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, “Go on! I don’t need you! Go on! Get out of here!” This shout leaves me confused, I want to comfort them, and yet they terrify me. So, so much.
Sometimes, I just want to toss food at them and yell, “EAT YOUR FOOD, TINA!”
(And truth be told: I’ve done it, more than once.)
Broken. Buttbone. ‘Nuff said.
5. The sneak attack always gets me.
Every. Single. Time.
This is when you leave them, and not only do they scream, but they FOLLOW you, like the little zombie/monster that they are. All the while, screaming, “BRAINS! Or bottle, that’s cool too, but BRAINS!” And they they claw at you until you give in.
I have only been depantsed by a zombie-baby twice this year, which is progress, and have possibly learned my lesson.
(Don’t leave a screaming zombie-baby that is fully mobile. They WILL crawl after you and yank on your pants until your pants come down exposing you to your unsuspecting neighbor walking his dog until pick her up and wipe the snot and tears away— like I said, only twice this year. Not bad, right?)
What did I take away from this? I learned to wear sweatpants with ties… and actually TIE them.
And to feed them brains.
I wish I could reassure them that I will return in a way that they would understand, and actually believe. But until that day, I will do my best to carry on. Perhaps, I should dust off my iPod and plug myself into some sweet tunes, and pretend that they are simply singing along with the 80’s hairband ballad or movie soundtrack that I’ll be jammin’ to, why not?
And to answer my question… YES, totally worth it. Exhausting, yet worth it.
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
Live now on Twitch! Come hang out! twitch.tv/holdinholden
How I Unwind the Kids During Summertime goo.gl/fb/bqcdoV
Kid: When do I get the tablet back? Me: Thursday aftern--- Kid: *Yelling* I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK! Me: Okay, I guess never, then. #kidlogic
Being an adult is stupid. pic.twitter.com/ghkAP7UbIt
Me watching #AmericanNinjaWarrior: HAHA weak ass grip strength! Also me: Can't open a pickle jar.