“If you don’t care what people think about your parenting, why are you talking about it so much?”
This is a common question I get, and although I find it frustrating, I guess I understand it.
I have a zero tolerance for bullying and negative judgment, not only in my “real” life, but here on this blog, and on all of my social media accounts. I will not tolerate it. I won’t argue with it- because I don’t need to justify myself to ANYONE and I’m at the point in my life where what other people think about how I’m raising my kids and living my life is their problem and not mine. It’s inconsequential to me. Still, because I put my thoughts out there in public forum, I get thoughts back- and they aren’t always pretty, and every now and then, I speak out, and when I speak out- someone always questions why.
Why not just let it go?
I’ll be blunt- telling someone not to talk about another person’s bully-ish behavior toward them is classic bully behavior. Bullies want you to be quiet, they want you to never tell anyone because they don’t want to be told they are wrong. They just want to continue asshole-ing around all over the place with no consequence. This is not okay. As long as I have this open forum, I will continue to use it not only to bring laughs, but to let it be known that this assholish bully-type behavior is not acceptable.
But that’s not the point of this blog. The point of this blog was inspired by the comment in question that prompted the question in the first line of this blog.
It’s not like I thought we were all going to burn our bras, let our hoo-ha’s grow out all caveman style and get along in perfect harmony, but I really thought Moms as a whole were moving toward a new level of understanding when it comes to acceptance of other moms regardless of parenting styles. It’s a something that as humans, we all naturally crave- harmony. The comment so graciously left on a blog post of mine from a fellow mom was angry, and it was hateful, and it was full of fire. Why? Because she didn’t agree with what I wrote because it doesn’t match her exact view of life and motherhood, or at least, what she personally took away from that particular blog didn’t. Oh, and she thinks that blogs about poop “aren’t funny.”
I didn’t feel insulted, enraged, sad, or even the slightest bit offended, but it did bum me out just a little. Why? Luckily for me, it’s been a long while since I’ve received ugly hate mail, so this one caught me a bit off guard. Will the Mom Wars NEVER end?! I don’t understand them!
Serious questions for all Moms: Why does it matter what other moms are doing? What they find funny? What offends them? How does it have ANYTHING to do with you enough for you to comment and try to make another mom feel like shit? What purpose does it serve?
There is no logic to it. I know people love to say that all women run off of emotions, but let’s use our heads here. NONE of that shit matters! What matters is your OWN life. Your OWN kids lives.
“I would NEVER breastfeed in public”
“I would NEVER bottlefeed my baby!”
“I would NEVER be a stay at home mom!”
“I would NEVER be a working mom!”
“Well, I think she’s a terrible parent because said such and such a thing online and I don’t agree”
“She clearly needs her kids taken away because she doesn’t spam photos of them on Facebook all day long!”
OH. MY. SHIT. Who the hell cares??
Nothing another Mom posts online about her own life (note: NOT involving you or yours) affects you. Nothing she says about how she chooses to handle certain situations with her family affects you. Let me repeat that- if you are a stay at home mom, and a working mom says that being a working mom is really f’ing hard- that is not a jab at you or how hard you work at home. If you are a working mom, the stay at home mom venting that being a stay at home mom is like having a job because it’s hard work- that is NOT a jab at you, or a criticism of how hard you work on a daily basis. It just isn’t. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Someone else’s complaint about their OWN life has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. I swear, I’m not trying to be a harsh bitch or come down on the other Moms out there, but this shit is ridiculous, and it’s about time someone said SOMETHING. Someone HAS to, apparently multiple times.
All the time you’re wasting using to judge others, leave long ugly comments, make snide remarks, gossip, obsessing over, is ALL time taken away from your own kids. Think about that for a moment.
I’m not saying that if you have nothing nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all. All I ask is that before you make a negative comment on someone else’s choices, ask what good it’s going to do, and if there is no possibility of anything positive being taken away from your comment, just don’t. There’s no need for it,
Ladies- our grandmothers, great grandmothers, aunts, and even our own mothers fought for us to be treated as equals. Fought for the world to accept that we are equal, not just on a standard human level, but in intelligence, integrity. Decades spent proving we’re just as strong and enduring and worthy adversaries in every single aspect, and yet, so many of us sit around talking shit and belittling each others’ worth as a person, a woman, and especially as a mother. It’s absolutely unacceptable. We’re better than that.
Don’t shit on our ancestors. Show some respect for your fellow mom, even if you don’t agree with her. It might not be equal rights, but a high level of mutual respect is a pretty amazing thing to leave for the future women of the world.