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Calm Your Tits. Kids and the Future are NOT Doomed.

There are websites, television shows, memes, and even ads based on it, so it has to be real, right? The decline of intelligent humanity and the increase of profound stupidity. Text speak. Abreves. The forgotten difference between “There”, “Their” and “They’re”. Do we have ourselves to blame? Didn’t our generation start LOLcats? Weren’t we smarter before the internet took over being smart for us? Back in the Good Ol’ Days, when phones were dumb and people were smart? Are we all DOOMED? Is the future generation going to end up in the destruction of the world due to DERP memes and Grumpy Cat? IS THIS IT FOR US?!calm

Calm your tits, people! Just calm those tits right down!

Text speak makes me want to spork the taint of one thousand men, and the endless streams of internet fails and lists of the “people so stupid you can’t believe they exist” are horrifying… hilarious, but horrifying (Yes, the movie Titanic is based on a TRUE STORY. No, you can’t get pregnant from simply WATCHING Magic Mike)- but there’s no reason to wish the Mayans really had wiped us out back in 2012.

When you think that the kids of today are totally screwed and we’re all going to eventually get flushed down the crapper due to their inability to type out two syllable words, consider this- Didn’t our grandparents think the same thing about us?

Before there were LOLcats and internet memes rotting the brains of the youth of today, there was MTV and violent video games, and before that it was sublime and Nirvana and all the kids were “smoking that reefer” and ruining their futures, and before that, there was 80’s metal and headbanging and beer. Lots of beer and breasts and drugs- and our civilization was for SURE doomed, because no respectable man wears eyeliner, and npo respectable woman wears her underwear on the outside of her clothes, and even before that it was disco and everyone was doing blow in the bathroom and we were SCREWED! But… we weren’t. We aren’t.

As I type this, my 7 year old is at a city wide engineering contest, which he qualified for by creating a working zip line; one of only 4 students chosen at his entire school to compete. The kid is SMART. Far smarter than I usually give him credit for, being he is constantly doing the DUMBEST shit ever. That’s because kids ARE dumb. Seriously dumb. Crazy, infuriatingly dumb. aren’t we ALL a little dumb? At over 30 years old, I still can’t math and use my fingers to count. I can spell, but there’s plenty I’m just a total idiot about- but somehow I manage, because there’s things I’m NOT dumb about. We all do. Kids being dumb? It’s their thing and most of them will grow out of it once they realize that writing “UR” instead of “YOU’RE” on a job application is not getting them anywhere, but for as dumb as they are- but they’re not stupid.
And the obnoxious tweens and text-speaking teens? It’s their last hurrah of childhood dumbness before having to join the world of bills, responsibility, REAL stress, and bullshit. It’s okay to correctly blatant stupidity, but let the kids be dumb every now and then.  Just a little!

Posted on October 24, 2014 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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