How hard are women to understand? Take all of the stereotypical assumptions away before you answer that question.
Not every emotional reaction from us is due to “hormones” or being on our periods. Many of our problems CAN in fact be solved with chocolate, but if you offer it and say “Maybe this will make you act normal again”, you might want to cover your junk, because it will get punched. Or kicked. Or slapped. Yes, we are stubborn. No, NOT all of us have a ticking biological clock, so you don’t need to repeatedly ask when we’re going to begin procreating, or when we will be procreating again. Yes, we DO all like to be told we’re pretty- but don’t fucking bullshit us. We can smell it from a mile away.
When it comes to a gender that often gets labeled as hormonal psychopaths hellbent on world domination by the orders of their uteri- the above paragraph doesn’t seem so bad, now does it?
Compliment us, give us chocolate, and don’t make any mother-badword uterus jokes. EASY PEASY! Life is grand!
Even if you mess ALL of the above up, and shove chocolate into a woman’s face, say “I hope this is like those Snickers commercials where you’ll turn back ‘normal’ once you eat this, because your uterus is making you a REAL bitch today!” and tell her she looks insanely bloated, all while she’s on her period- there is still ONE thing you can do to stop yourself from being beaten to death with a purse. That’s right- there IS a way to save yourself from imminent demise!
Read this part very carefully, because it is IMPERATIVE to your health and your relationship that you do. This is the one piece of advice about women that ALL men (and even some other women) need to know. NEED. TO. KNOW.
Do I have your attention now? Good, because here is your saving grace:
LET HER BITCH.
If you love her, just let the woman bitch!
You might not understand it, but bitching feels GOOD. There is nothing that cleanses the soul quite like a good old fashioned bitch-fest. We aren’t whining, we don’t want you to be our knight in shining armor, we don’t need you to FIX it, we don’t even need you to respond other than nodding your head- we just want to bitch!
As stereotypical as it sounds, I truly do believe we women are bursting with emotions pretty much all the time; far different than the typical male, who often remains stoic and would rather eat rhinoceros boogers than be seen crying by, well, anyone.
Let’s put it this way- we are like a covered pot about to boil over at all times, and there comes a point where we HAVE to release some of the steam under the lid or we will literally explode. You don’t want us to do that. That is why men think women are crazy. You can solve the crazy problem.
It doesn’t have to be about anything life-changing; It doesn’t really have to be about anything at ALL- we just need to let that shit out, and at times, you are going to have to be the sounding board. Sorry. Don’t interrupt with silly things like fact or reason; we don’t give a floating fart in space about EITHER of those things. We don’t want to hear it! We just want to hear ourselves sounding like a raging psycho for a couple of minutes. You don’t have to understand it, you just have to let it happen. It’s that simple.
Once it’s out, it’s over. We aren’t going to walk around raging all day about it- bitching is a quick and painless release, and as long as it gets released, we won’t be taking it out on your dangly parts. We feel better, and your wiener doesn’t feel worse. Everyone wins!
Your balls will thank me later.
I vote we treat our kids like humans. You can't like them ALL the damn time! Blog: I love my kids, but... holdinholden.com/2013/02/i-lo…
Separation Anxiety- Mommy Needs Some SPACE! goo.gl/fb/q60b1x
Moms of the World- STOP Getting Offended. Just stop! goo.gl/fb/qC6pEo
My brand spankin' new website design is finally live on holdinholden.com! Check it out, it's fabulous!
@Zak_Bagans "I did not do it. Aaron's wrong." - that is what I heard.
The WORST Part of Parenthood Isn’t What You Think goo.gl/fb/d3mFgj
My BEST dieting advice, and no, it's not "don't forget to stretch those hammies!" This is serious! holdinholden.com/2014/04/the-…
7 seemingly harmless toys your kids have that are actually trying to KILL you. Don't say I didn't warn you! holdinholden.com/2013/05/7-to…