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The thing NO ONE tells you about dieting

I AM ON A DIET! I hate that word, but it is fitting, since it contains DIE in it, which is what I want to do on a daily basis. I’m not on any diet plan. I have never “juiced”. I’m not taking any magical pills that cause anal leakage, or using any all-natural fat melting products. My route to lose the weight that the holidays put on me has been pretty simple: Eat healthy. Eat less. If you want to splurge, do it, but cut it in half. Oh, and exercise. Lots of exercise.

All the weight I gained over the holidays is officially OFF. I still have a whoooooole lot of work to do to get to my goal, but it’s a pretty good feeling to know that all of my hard work and turning down desserts has finally paid off. Well….. mostly….

There is a little something that strictly healthy eaters and dieters won’t tell you before going down your very own dieting path. Perhaps it’s nothing more than a trade secret, a hush hush initiation, or maybe plain old embarrassment. Shit, maybe it’s just ME- but I have the sneaking suspicion I am not the only one who now knows the truth about eating “right”. I’m going to admit it, not just because I lack shame, but because if you are thinking about cutting out the junk, this is something you should know!

It’s not that you will get angry because your family can still munch on greasy goodness while you’re crunching lettuce. You won’t yell at them… okay, you might- but they probably have it coming. You WILL need to apologize to them, though. Why?

With all the FIBER this and the WHOLE GRAIN that I am cramming into myself instead of my delicious beloved Taco Bell, I CANNOT STOP FARTING.
One would think fart-cannon ass would be a result of my beloved, but no! NOOOOO! That’s what they WANT you to think! I have no idea who “they” is, but I am blaming them. It just feels right.

I’m not a farty person, y’all. I don’t sit around ass-blasting all day every day. Me and gas have an understanding: I deal with all the gas leaking from the other creatures occupying my home, and it leaves me alone. It’s been working just fine up until now.

I wake up? I fart. I eat breakfast? Definitely need to fart. Extra serving of veggies? Be prepared for my jet propulsion system to engage! I spend most of my days sounding like a balloon deflating. I seriously can’t. stop. farting. And it’s all healthy food’s fault!!

That being said- I AM losing weight…. so…. fair trade? Perhaps! If my kids can make a room of people retreat with burning eyes due to death toots, I guess my flatulence isn’t all that out of place.

Earlier today, a friend of mine suggested that I post a weekly blog with my favorite work out videos (I credit much of my weight loss to YouTube!)- and I think I’m gonna give it a shot. I am NOT an athletic person, so if I can do these videos, I am confident you can, too! Some are a lot of fun, some are REALLY hard, but most of them are short- so it doesn’t take that much commitment.

Here are my favorite work outs this week. Do one, or do them all! (I usually do 1-5 per day in a 1 hr period).
Warm up your core (Tiffany Rothe is great, but she will kick your ass!)

 

Little bit of Zumba to get your heart rate up and calories burned!

 

Tone your lower half!

This is a great core work out, with NO crunches. As someone with neck issues, this is the best ab work out for me, and Pop Sugar is awesome.

 

One last fast moving calorie burn to wrap up the work out!

 

Now, get that ass up, and get moving!

Posted on April 4, 2014 by Holdin' Holden 3 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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3 Comments

  • Seriously!!! (and i thought it was only me!!!) So glad i’m not alone! lol

  • Yeah…all those fibre ‘bombs’ 😉 I know! The only thing that helps me is to drink lots, lots more water. Congrats on all the weight lost, and I will check out some of these videos for sure., thx!

    PS: I just love the sweetCaptcha!!! Had the “drag mister worm to his apple’ one!! Too cute!!

  • I usually run… and use the workout room at my office.

    But, when I’m home, and I want to do a video.. I’ll go on Youtube, and try a new one on FitnessBlender… Check them out… They range from easy to “I want to die”… and vary in duration.

    🙂

    Oh, and the Healthy Farts… Yeah.. they stink… <— see what I did there?